Ancestral Star Dust

“I remember you. Just barely though.”

“And I remember you, my child. You were just a small thing when I left, ludic in beads in barrettes.”

“When you were sick, did it hurt?”

“Not after a while.”

“Oh. That’s good.”

“I’m glad you’ve come to visit me.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. I only recently found the way.”

“You’ve grown into such a beautiful young woman. You have my son’s dark eyes and deep complexion.”

“My dad, he always says I have your hands.”

“Of course. I blessed you with these hands when you were still in your mother’s womb.”

“That’s part of why I’ve come.”

“Yes?”

“They said you spoke over me, said I’d be destined for great things.”

“Mmhmm.”

“I used to love that story. I held on to it for a long time, let it fuel me.”

“And now? Has the love curdled?"

“I don’t know. Lately, it’s starting to feel more and more like family lore, like the thing you tell a child. Fairy dust.”

“You think me a superstition?”

“No, no. I just think maybe they were nice words for my mother to hear. I know she was young and afraid.”

“She was. But I do not speak hollow words, my dear.”

“Well, have you watched me over the years? Since…you know.”

“I’ve checked in on you. As I have your brother and sister.”

“So then you see. I’m nothing, I’m no one. I’m not who you hoped I’d be.”

“I do not hope. I know, I conduct. As I always have.”

“What do you know?”

“Better still, what do you think you know?”

“About what?”

“About yourself and your supposed nothingness.”

“I want to be better, live bigger. I have no money, few friends, no relationship. My career is barely a blip. I have no discipline. I could go in. I feel like a profound loser and a sad disappointment. What makes it even more frustrating is that I know better. I’ve got all this pinned-up potential but I’m stuck, like everything I want is on the other side of a veil. I can see it but I can’t reach it.”

“Poor thing. Your mind is bustling. It is both your gift and your curse. You must be still, my child. In the silence is where you will discover.”

“Discover what?”

“What I discovered before I placed my hands on your mother’s belly. That you are abundantly blessed, doused in the glow of the universe. Greatness need not find you as it lives within you, as it lives within our ancestors, as it lived within the first protostars. To unleash it you must quiet your mind.”

“How do I do that?”

“It takes practice and deliberateness. The mind is designed to keep you safe as you embody this human form. It is where fear, doubt and indecision live. The mind is necessary but often at odds with the spirit. Though they needn’t be forever foes. That which you desire is already yours. I saw it then as I see it now. As I always have.”

“Are you sure? Sometimes I think I’m destined to flail.”

“Be still, my child and worry not. Fear is a futile pursuit for you are wrapped in the most ancient endowment. I must go now.”