Mr. Right

She was beside herself.

Her conduits between her left brain and right brain were faltering. She planned her day with her left brain, but her right brain decided to sleep in. Some time after, she had managed to drive to the mall, albeit with many left turns at no-left-turn corners.

She walked unsteadily along the stores and boutiques, when she noticed her blouse's top two buttons unbuttoned. How did that happen? she asked herself. Her right brain laughed.

She re-buttoned her blouse with her left brain, but her right brain unbuttoned it again. Her left brain pulled her shirt together, but suddenly her right-brain-innervated left hand reached over to her right to expose her bare breast to the pedestrian shoppers. Men, who use neither their left nor right brains, gawked. Mothers shielded their little ones from the nudity on display.

She began running to escape the attention. She stepped spryly with her left brain, but her right brain counteracted to see her rush only in circles, aimlessly. Again, her right brain laughed, which morphed into hoots that emanated from her without restraint.

Security guards were summoned, but she begged to explain.

"My corpus callosum is shot," she said to the uniformed man and woman.

"Excuse me?" answered the man.

"The communication between my right and left brain isn't working today. It happens from time to time. That's when my right brain, who I call 'Mr. Right,' acts very naughty. He's a child, I'm afraid."

"That's crazy, lady," the woman told her. "We've called 9-1-1. You'll get the help you need."

"I don't need help. I just need electrolytes to rebalance my neurotransmitters and fix my corpus collosum," she pleaded with her left brain. "No, that's all bullshit," her right brain chimed in, "so, can I yell 'bomb!" here?"

"Please don't," the man said. She thought quickly and decided to proactively counter what her right brain was scripting.

"THERE'S NO BOMB HERE!" she shouted. Hundreds of people stopped walking and slowly began to move away. "No matter what I yell next, please remember there's no bomb here!"

"But then, you can't believe anything I say," she shouted next, and cackled maniacally.