Monsieur Death

We finished Phantom of the Opera around noon, and a wondered if he had lunch ready. But he didn’t say anything, and I didn’t say anything and we sat there in awkward silence until I finally broke it with saying:

“So... on a scale of one to ten, how much more did you like it?”

He stared at me blankly. I sighed.

“How much more did you like it than then the book? You know, one being hated it, ten being loved it.”

He kept staring at me. I sighed again.

“Never mind. You hungry?”

“A little.”

“You... wanna get lunch?”

He shrugged. “I don’t have any money.”

My eyebrows shot up my forehead.

“What do you think that is?”

I pointed to the stack of bill lying on the desk. I didn’t want to be rude, but I just didn’t understand.

He got up and walked over to the desk and picked up the bundle.

“This....”

He seemed at a loss for words. “This is money?!”

“Uhhhh, yeah.” French has bills and coins, right?

“But-but it’s so pathetic!”

“Oookay.” What was he talking about?

“But it’s supposed to be gold coins! Silver leaf! Not-not PAPER!” His last words were more of a roar, and I fell backwards of my beanbag. He stopped and stared at me, then rushed over to help me up.

“Sorry.” He said, much quieter now. “I.. I’m just not adjusted yet. How much is this in.....” he left the question, as if he wasn’t sure how to end it.

I held out my hand and he gave it to me. I counted it.

“About thirty thousand in hundred dollar bills.” I said in awe.

“Thirty thousand? How are we supposed to get anything with only thirty thousand?”

“Well, maybe in France it’s different, but here, thirty thousand is a lot of money. Here, think about it this way. What’s something you usually buy?”

“Appearances.” He answered.

“Appearances? Okay.... how about something else? Like a food?”

“I don’t eat unless it’s a celebratory dinner.”

“You don’t eat? At all?”

He shook his head. “No point.”

“Yeah, Okay. Can you think of anything we buy here that you buy wherever your from?”

He thought for a minute. “Paint.”

“Paint?!” I asked, trying to keep the surprise from my voice. After all the crazy stuff from earlier, paint had not been the answer I had expected. “So how much does that usually cost?”

“Well, to be entirely honest, we usually pay with lifespan. Paint usually only cost a couple thousand years. Expensive things like Appearances are usually twenty to seven thousand years if you get a cheap on. Money is more of a figurehead, a debut to the human world below.”

I wasn’t entirely sure what to say. “Forget money, lets just go get lunch.”

********

McDonalds was pretty much empty when we walked in, which was a blessing, because Liam’s first reaction was a yelp and jump backwards.

“Sorry.” He mumbled. “Why is it cold in here?”

“Air con.” I told him, pointing to the ceiling. I sat down at a nearby table and motioned for him to sit next to me.

“What do you want?”

“Hmm?”

“What so you want? To eat?”

“I told you, I don’t eat.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’ll just order you the same thing.”

I ordered two double cheeseburgers. However, he wouldn’t touch them when they came, and we ended up leaving it to get cold.

“Aren’t you hungry?”

He shook his head.

So why don’t you eat? Diet?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know what a diet is. I’ve never needed to eat before.”

Then he clutched his stomach. “At least, I didn’t use to have to.” The he looked at the cheeseburger. “What’s it made of?”

“Meat, bread, cheese, ketchup, mustard, pickles....” I counted off my fingers. “Oh! Onions.”

He gave me a look before picking it up. “What kind of meat?”

“Uhh, beef. Cow?”

He sighed and bit into it. He made a face.

“I don’t like it.”

“You’re picky. Who doesn’t like cheeseburgers?!”

“Me.” He said. “It tastes like wood.”

I snorted. “Like you know what wood tastes like.”

He looked at me seriously. “Yes, I do.”

Whatever that meant. My phone rang. Three guesses who it was.

“Ignore it.” Liam told me. I looked at him in surprise.

“I....will.” I hung up. He smiled at me, the first I had seen. It was nice when he smiled. I smiled back. We were quiet for a few more minutes, then Liam asked me,

“I don’t know your age.”

“That’s true.”

“Well, what is it?”

“Sixteen tomorrow, actually.”

He tilted his head. “I heard sometimes humans celebrate the day their age is heightened.”

“Some humans, yes.”

“Your family doesn’t?”

“Oh yeah, they do. It’s just.... well, me and my sister like to have separate birthday parties. And they like to do Emmaline’s first. So..... they’re just a little burned out by the time it comes around to mine.”

“They celebrate your sister’s birthday and not yours.”

I blushed. “I never said that!”

“You didn’t have to.”

I changed the subject. “What about you? How old?”

“I’m turning three thousand and one in a few months.”

I was irritated.

“I don’t see why you can’t tell me the truth sometimes! I tell you the truth! Things I’ve never told anyone! What’s so hard about telling me the truth sometimes!”

He looked at me for a long time.

“I did.” He said quietly. “I tried. But that’s fine. I understand.”

I didn’t.

“I’m seventeen.”

I nodded. Why did he look so sad?

“Hey.” I said. “Try your coke.” He did, but if he liked it or not, he didn’t say anything.