Matt's Dilemma
A Story Every Day in 2024 Oct 10th 284/366
Matt
I wake up again. It's the same thing that's jolted me awake. Every time. I've told my wife it's sleep apnoea and she seems to have accepted it. She's made a comment about going to the doctor but I've managed to stave that off, for now. I don't need a machine muzzling me every night. That's not going to stop the nightmares.
It never changes. Never. It's a strange dream my brain produces. You'd think that I could squash this after all these years of keeping that day secret but my conscience must be at the control panel, steering my dreams. Because the guilt...
The nightmare is always the same. I'm back there, clear as day. Luke, Mark, Laney and me. At the quarry. Only I'm not me. I'm Laney.
I always jolt awake at the moment that I start to plummet and roll down that rough quarry slope.
I don't know how I feel about Mark. I'm not one for searching my emotions and all this self-awareness crap but I feel lighter for knowing that he's gone. And I feel a shit for feeling that way. But it's the truth. Relieved in a way. I don't know why.
I mean, I could leave this alone and not tell Luke but I feel like whatever I choose to do, the truth will rise to the surface. It's inevitable. And with anything like this, there'll be repercussions. We should have told someone. But we were just scared little boys. It was better to keep quiet, for Mark's sake. He'd have had the fallout, for sure. Poor bastard. His old man? He was the worst. Pretend to be this happy-go-lucky gent, full of humour and then as soon as the front door was closed and the spotlight gone, he'd change. Spiteful and handy with his fists.
Nasty as fuck.
He had it tough, Mark. But that doesn't change what happened that day. I wish we'd never gone to the quarry. We should have listened to Luke. Good old sensible, cautious Luke. Maybe it was sixth sense that day.
So do I tell him? Luke? I want to. Or do I let it die with Mark?
***
365 words
What is Matt debating telling Luke?
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Cwtch
Cwtch (like butch but with a slightly longer "oo" sound) My chosen word is Welsh and is a word which I never used at home, as despite being Welsh, my parents never spoke the Welsh language. I would imagine that ancestors of mine did but I only learnt very basic Welsh at school as was required by the curriculum and I wish I knew more. It is something that I have always regretted. I know a smattering but nothing that would enable me to hold a conversation and it is a notoriously difficult language to learn. However, despite my lack of proficiency in it, I have a connectedness to it that I feel in my blood with its harsh sounds and its sing-song rhythm. Indeed, when I hear it especially in the national anthem of Wales, I feel it like a cwtch, which means a cuddle or embrace, with a sense of offering warmth and safety.
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If you are reading this, it means Walter trusted you enough to let you step inside the broom closet. Or maybe he did not notice at all. Either way, welcome. My name is Holly, and this notebook is not meant for me anymore. It is meant for you.
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Comments (12)
oh ffs, the tension!
Tell him, for God's sake....tell him (mostly because I want to know, too!).
Well now I know why you mass produced the next couple... because we gotta know!!! 😅
I agree with D.K. I am desperate to know! Come on Rachel, get a wriggle on.
I’m dying to know!!
Oh I so want him to tell Luke that Matt pushed Laney a little too hard. But I also want Bethan to get a closure. Very suspenseful, Rachel!
Might as well share the guilt. It's not going to change anything by not telling him.
Oh Matt, what have you done?
Jump yourself into gear Matt, & tell Luke pronto!😵💫
This is very good and very sad. But I still want more. Is the pic waking up in the middle of the fall?
I don't care if he tells Luke but I need him to tell me. I need to knowwwwwww
Matt embodies many contemporary characters and insomniacs. Very good!