Love as White as Snow

We were running out of time. We gave ourselves 10 minutes. The snow falling so fast yet so gently. The trees around us seemed to be waving with their freshly powdered limbs trying to gain our attention but no. No wandering eyes involved, no, my eyes were focused on her. My god, she was perfect. Hair whiter than the snow, her eyes as green as the trees around us, cheeks blushed a bright red, she was glowing even with the absence of an abundance of light. We were dancing in the snow with time being the farthest thought on our mind because we both knew it would be our last night together.

The Christmas lights in the distance glowed a dim red and green. A welcoming sight as I was shivering in the cold which only seemed to be getting worse. No amount of dancing could warm us, but the second we touched… Sure the Christmas lights were welcoming but they also meant we were one step closer to goodbye because the second we made it inside she would be taken from me. Both of us taken for who knows how long.

Soon enough the red and green weren’t the only lights illuminating the house. The red and blue lights of multiple squad cars were almost blinding, yet still, all I was focused on was the warmth of her skin in the freezing air. No longer dancing, instead, holding each other as our time together was fading so quickly. I’ve never felt so close than in that moment. Her smile, hiding the panic and pain, but her eyes spoke of all that she knew awaited us in the near future. I, however, wasn’t convinced that this would be our end, nor that it should be our end. Closing my eyes made me feel we were inseparable in each other's embrace. She was perfect, we were perfect… Nothing could tear us apart, I wasn’t going to let it.

It wasn’t until I opened my eyes that I saw nearly a dozen flashlights headed in our direction. It was our moment. With our hearts pounding at the same pace, our eyes meet. What was she thinking? A moment of temporary dread filled my body as I contemplated her what thoughts may be. I start to wonder about her dedication to this, to us. Before I could even finish my thoughts, she spoke with a voice so soft it filled my ears with pure bliss.

“I love you, Jay.”

Without saying a single word, a single thought even, I grabbed her hand and started running. Running from the lights, from the problems that plagued us. Running from our lives as we knew them. Thoughts of doubt raced by, almost as to taunt me to turn back. Maybe a normal life is what I needed? Maybe a life back with my family is what I needed. That would mean a life without you though, and that’s not a life I want to live. 10 minutes turned to 15, and 15 to 20. As we reached our favorite sledding spot, memories flooded my mind. It wasn’t just our sledding spot, it was also where I went with my family when I was younger. Memories of my dad and I on a sled together while my mom and sister await eagerly at the bottom, almost as to remind me what I would be leaving behind. Is this really what I want? I was so worried about her doubts that I never took into account my doubts. Then I remembered that they left me. They abandoned me with no say and all I could do is sit and watch. Watch disease tear through my family, one by one stopping them in their tracks leaving me with no one.

We stopped running and sat at the peak of Edwards Hill. Gazing at the city lights in the distance like they were an artificial constellation in the night sky looking down on the earth, but instead, it was her and I that were the stars. It’s not every day that two high school seniors go missing, especially in a town the size of Gray. All 14,000 people wondering what could’ve happened to us. Speculation left and right, but I’m sure it all comes back to me. It’s always the boyfriend. Always. It was the both of us this time though, right? It wasn’t just me that chose, was it? She had a choice, she ran with me.

As I sit pondering my thoughts with her nestled in my arms, she spoke again with that voice so soft and calming that she could tame the wildest of bears if she wanted.

“What are we doing?” Ally asked, concerned.

Wondering the same thing, all that could come out was, “I don’t know.”

“Where are we going to go?” Questioned Ally, “We can’t go to town, everyone will be looking for us. Maybe we made a mistake, Jay.”

“No,” I reassured her, “It’s not a mistake, it’s what we both wanted right?”

I tried to get an answer out of her but no words were spoken. The silence was more than enough clarification.

“Maybe we should go back,” I said with a newfound weight on my chest as if I was being suffocated from the inside, trying to hold back the pain of what realization had come over us.

“No. We’re not going back. You’re right, it’s what we both wanted, but Jay, I’m scared.” Ally said with tear-filled eyes. “What are we going to do? Where will we go?” She asked again.

All I could do was stare at her. I wanted to say so many things, answer all her questions but nothing would come out.

The second I was about to speak, I was cut off by a shout coming from behind us. They had found where we were, Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde, the two lovers running from what they were and hiding from what they are. Without thinking, we start sliding down the hill, starting the great chase. Heading towards the last place we wanted, yet the only place we could go, the town of Gray was soon to be the home of dozens of news vans. I can already see the headlines: “High school lovers on the run from police after local search party finds them hiding from their responsibilities” or something like that.

It’s not true. Whatever they say it’s not true, and all that matters is us. Her and I, and that’s what’s keeping me going. Somehow we made it to town and lost the cops, but I’m sure that won’t last long. Thankfully we came into town at the train station. All we had to do was make it a couple of towns over and we would be on our way to our new lives. I thought for sure there would be police waiting for us but nothing, not even a hint. We made our way onto the train and took a seat on the right side. Ally leaned over, kissed me on the cheek, then fell asleep in my lap. I was happy for once. For once I was away from my thoughts. The responsibilities, the fear of falling into the same trap as my parents, the place I used to call home before it was full of diseases named Methamphetamine and Heroine. I escaped and I’m never going back.

After looking out the window, watching the town I once knew become a thing of the past, I look down on Ally.

“I love you, too,” I say softly, careful to not wake her up.

After a while, I drift off as well. Dreams of our new lives fill my head until I hear an announcement over the intercom.

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak for your travels. We are coming up on Bend which happens to be our last stop for the night. Please check your area for personal items, and again thank you for choosing Amtrak for your travels. ETA 10 minutes.”