Little Hats

“So it comes down to headgear….” Gordo Ramos said.

“Your name means fat!” Donner Fried said.

“Shut up!”

“What were we talking about?”

“The little hats….”

“Of course. The zucchettos, the yarmulke, and the kufi.”

“All of them?” Fried asked.

“Yes.” Ramos answered.

“What if they switched up who was wearing them? Would God notice?” Fried asked.

“They are almost indistinguishable in certain respects. The histories of each headcovering is different but they all get the same quiet respect. No one even bothers to understand where each of them came from.”

Fried walked around the dorm room. “I’m Jewish but my parents were atheists. Total anti-comminist and anti-religion. Now, my question is what about the wars, the battles, that have gone on in the name of the unknown and unknowable. How do you reconcile that?”

Ramos peered up at the ceiling light.

“I would imagine the wars will still go on, little hats or not. It’s what’s under the hats that cause all of the confusion and disgusting behavior. There’s only the minds that allow such bloody acts to happen.”

“Chrsitianity—Catholicism to be exact—Judaism and Islam. They wear their hats and continue to embark on their carnage. Little hats or not.”

Fried exhaled. “It all has to be deemed serious or else people wouldn’t take God seriously. The Abrhamaic faiths all sprung out in different forms but hold the same brutality as their stick to keep the carrot chewers in line. Little hats.”

Ramos folded his arms. “It’s like this—-imagine if the different faiths didn’t have the little hats. They would still be butchering each other left and right and without regard. They’d still be pushing people off of rooftops, shooting down opponents, and setting women on fire. All because the Bible, the Quran, and the Talmud suggested it. See, it’s all in interpretation, they should have discussed from the onset how destructive all of this would be. But—little hats.”

“It would be hilarious if not for the sea of blood that has risen in the wake of faiths that allegedly speak peace. They speak a piece of the action. That’s the peace they mean.”

The two friends looked at each other not with disgust, but with mild admiration.

“You know our backgrounds, my Catholicism and your Judaism make two thirds of the Big Three little hats.” Their look seemed inspired.

Fried spoke up next. “Let’s get Jamal from the next room to come over here and we can hash all of this out. Hell, we might even make world peace in this very room.”

The ambition ran high. Ramos walked over and knocked.

“What’s up, man?”

“Do you have a moment?”

Jamal Salaam looked about his room. Three girls sat on the sofas.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” they said collectively.

“Look, if y’all want to stay here, so be it. If you want to follow me, cool.” The ladies lifted from their seats.

“Names?” Ramos asked.

“Carletta, Sharon, Donna.”

They all found room in Ramos and Fried’a room, after both of them made some.

“What’s been cooking over here?” Carletta asked.

“Little hats,” Fried answered.

“Little what?” Donna asked.

“Like you know….”

“No, no, no, not those. We’re talking about the major religions of the world and how they each wear a tiny headcovering as part of their worship.”

“Oh,” Sharon replied.

“So, ladies…your thoughts.”

“I think that it’s the minds under the head coverings,” Carletta said.

“Exactly what I said!”

“Yeah, it’s really about the way people act. How they carry themselves and not just what happens be atop their head,” Sharon explained.

Jamal sighed. “I think that my kufi is cool.”