SAVE A HORSE RIDE A COWBOY

SAVE A HORSE, RIDE A COWBOY

“I think we should go to the opera tonight.”

“Why would you want to go to an opera? Not that long ago you told me you didn’t like opera.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You said most of the singers were fat and the reason they could hit such high notes was because they had big fat lungs.”

“I’d never say anything like that.”

“And yet you did.”

“But I’m fat, so why would I say that?”

“I don’t know, but you did?”

“Well then, I guess we won’t go to the opera unless you want to.”

“No. I don’t like operas. They often sing in Italian, and I don’t understand a word. Besides, I don’t have a proper gown for such a posh event, and you don’t even own a suit.”

“I guess you’re right. How about Karaoke? We had a good time the last time we went.”

“I suppose we could do that, but why?”

“I feel like singing. Belting out a good old rock n roll tune, somethin’ that just keeps your foot a tappin’ to the beat.

“Are you sure that’s what you want to do? Don’t you remember the last time we went, and you got up and sang.”

“Yeah. I was great! The audience loved me.”

“They did?”

“Yeah. They hooted and hollered and gave me the thumbs up.”

“I don’t think so. That’s not what I saw.”

“What did you see then?”

“You must have been awfully drunk because it wasn’t thumbs you were looking at. They were giving you the middle finger.”

“The middle finger? Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“But I thought I had a good voice.”

“Are you kidding? You’re tone deaf. You sing like a chicken that’s just had its throat cut.”

“That bad. Are you sure you’re just not saying that because you didn’t have the guts to get up and sing?”

“I know I can’t sing and no matter how drunk I get, it never gets any better. But I like Karaoke and we could go if you want to, just no singing.”

“How about a movie? I see Song Sung Blue is playing at the Orpheum. It’s starring Hugh Jackman and Kate Hudson, and you know how much you like Hugh Jackman. Plus, we both like Neil Diamond and it’s supposed to be a tribute to him.”

“That’s a good possibility but why are you so interested in music right now?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because music is mostly a fun and happy thing.”

“And you wanted to go to an opera. Most of them are sad. Take Romeo and Juliet for instance. Two ill fated star-crossed lovers and they both die. What’s so happy about that?”

“Well…even though Song Sung Blue sounds like it could be unhappy, I doubt that it is because Neil Diamond is still alive, sounds just as great as he ever did and for an old guy, still looks like he’s in very good shape.”

“Maybe we should go and we could dress up for it too.”

“Why get dressed up for a movie?”

“We just bought those outfits for Karaoke, be a shame to waste them.”

“But they’re cowboy outfits. Neil Diamond isn’t exactly a western singer.”

“Maybe not, but he sure looked great when he wore tight blue jeans and a spangled shirt.”

“True enough and that’s basically what our outfits look like. We could wear our cowboy boots too but skip the Stetsons, we don’t want to block anyone’s view in the theatre.”

“And did I tell you. You look real handsome dressed like a cowboy. Just wondering, have you ever ridden a horse before?”

“Once.”

“Only once. Don’t you like horses?”

“I like horses fine.”

“So, what happened?”

“Ah, it was so long ago, I hardly ever think about it. When I was just a teenager, I went horseback riding with my girlfriend Tina.”

“So, what happened and who is Tina?”

“We went to a dude ranch and rented a couple of horses—Tina loved horses. The horses were supposed to be laidback and gentle, and they were to a certain degree. We were riding along a path in the forest, and something spooked my horse. It bolted. Even though I was yelling whoa at the top of my lungs and pulling on the reins to stop it, the horse just kept running full blast until it came to a ditch. The damned thing stopped dead in its tracks, and I kept going right over its head. Landed on my ass in a big muddy puddle. I didn’t get hurt but it was embarrassing because Tina almost felt off her horse because she was laughing so hard.”

“So, who’s this Tina chick?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Yeah. Don’t worry though, I won’t be jealous. Besides, it’s been about forty-five years since you were a teenager.”

“So long ago; it’s hard to believe it’s been that long. But if you must know, let’s just say, Tina was my first main squeeze, and I rode her a lot better than a horse.”

“I have to say, you give me a good ride too cowboy.”

“Right back at you cowgirl. Hmm…the movie doesn’t start until about two hours. Maybe we should go upstairs and get changed into our outfits.”

“Changed?”

“Well…the thing about changing…there’s a point where we’ll both be naked.”

“Naked you say.”

“Yeah, naked as the day we were born.”

“It may not be a Neil Diamond song, but Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy sounds good to me.”