Like Letters Written in the Sand Part Sixteen

She appeared in my dreams again.” Anna-leis gently roused Clarence from his sleep. I believe she was meant for us.

Clarence nodded, wiping away the sleep from his eyes. It was clear how much Anna-leis wanted this, but they were not making it easy for her. People often seemed to get around the laws against discrimination against those with disabilities, which frankly made him angry. The way others judged Anna-leis on the basis of what she didn’t have, rather than what she was capable of, irritated him.

“Yes, and she will be.” Clarence wanted to say, but he knew he could not make an empty promise. If it were up to him, the adoption would go through, and they would be parents, but he did not have that kind of influence.

“Clarence, I want a child, even if I am not able to have children, I want to adopt, so many children deserve a family.”

“I know, sweetheart, and we will pray, God will make a way if it is meant to be Anna-leis, he has the ultimate control, not the adoption agency.”

Anna-leis nodded in agreement, knowing he was right. It was important for her to remember that God was in control.

“My goal is to become the kind of mother that my mother was not.”

Clarence gently cupped her face in his hands. “Please listen to me sweetheart, you are not your mother.”

Clarence wanted to make this easier for her, but more than anything, he wanted to erase what her parents had done to her. Anna-leis did not deserve what happened to her, not when the drunk driver plowed into her, radically changing the course of her life, and not as a child. In addition to angering him, he was grateful for the love of his own parents for raising him in such a loving environment. Clarence was grateful his parents welcomed Anna-leis in their family with open arms.

“I do not want to follow in the footsteps of my parents. My goal is never to become like them.”

“Sweetheart, you will never be, you have too good a heart for that.”

Anna-leis said nothing, but prayed that he was correct. If she had caused anyone the same damage that her parents had caused her, she could never forgive herself. The pain that went deep within her soul was much more difficult to deal with than losing her legs. Due to the fact that Clarence had been with her throughout all of this.

“Do you believe that I will be a good mother?” asked Anna-leis. As a result of the damage her parents had caused, her insecurity remains present.

There is no doubt in my mind that you will be.” Clarence assured her. “I can see it even if you cannot.”

Lord, I know that I am not supposed to hate, but I am enraged by what Anna-leis’ parents did to her. I am outraged by the way they treated her. It bothers me that she always believes that she is unworthy. Your help is needed, Lord, to help ease my anger towards these people I have never met and never intend to meet.

“I would like to be given the opportunity to prove myself. It is important for me to demonstrate to others that I am not my parents.”

Those who are around you can clearly see that is not the case. There is no comparison between you and your parents. You do not make it your mission to cause each other pain, your efforts in adopting this little girl, and your concern for others, demonstrate that you have a good heart. While I am aware that it is not always easy for you to demonstrate compassion, Anna-leis, you are compassionate.”

Clarence kept reminding Anna-leis of this, but at times she knew she could appear abrasive, even uncaring, but this was a facade she put up to protect herself.

“You are a good person, Anna-leis, who is beautiful both on the inside and outside. It makes me feel like I am the most fortunate man in the world.” He smiled at her, with that thousand-watt smile.

In my life, I have been broken twice, but what my parents did to me was by far the worst. I was affected by the way they made me feel. When I was a small girl, I believed that it was all my fault, that I was the worst daughter in the world. Truthfully, I still feel that way sometimes, but it will be different with our children. There is no way I will make them question their worth in this world.” Annaleis was unable to hold back tears. The damage ran deep.

“Anna-leis, I know you will make an outstanding mother. That is something I would never question in a million years.”

“Clarence, I am grateful for all of your love and support. There are no words to describe how much I love you.”

“I love you Anna-leis, no matter what happens, I will be here for you.”

“You are one of the people I know I can rely on.” Anna-leis stated. Although I have not felt like I could count on many people, I have never doubted my feelings for you, even though I was initially afraid to admit them.”

“We are together now, Anna-leis, and that is what matters. We love each other more than I can express.

Anna-leis nodded, wiping away tears from her cheeks. While grieving over what she was deprived of as a child, she celebrated the life she had now, despite the amputations. She had lost her legs to a drunk driver, but she was not going to allow it to diminish her spirit. Clarence was proud of her for that, as it required a great deal of courage.

To Be Continued…

August.11.2022, Revised May.14.2023