Letting Go

I run as fast as my feet can carry me, although these stupid heels aren’t helping matters any. My dress is heavy, not unlike the burdens and responsibilities that my parents are expecting out of me right now. The crisp winter chill feels refreshing as it rushes against my sweaty exposed skin. Racing to get to the center of our garden, tucked away behind tall hedges and a gate that only I access is the only place I want to be right now.

Where she is. Nymweh, my wise mentor and my friend. She will know what I should do.

Finally, I make it past the overgrown woods that separate our mansion and the garden I so badly need to reach. My skin bleeds here and there from the vines of thorns I had to run through. Sadly, my parents will have more of a fit over the disarray of my lavish ballroom dress, fancy shoes, disheveled hair, and smudged make-up than they will over my actual bodily harm.

What will all their guests think? What will the prince think? If they like him so much, why don’t THEY marry him? Instead of making their 16-year-old daughter, me, do it!

I can already feel the rush of relief as I come barreling through the gate. Falling to my knees at the base of my Pear Tree, sitting the lantern down beside me, I can feel Nymweh’s energy already beginning to soothe me. The flood gates completely fall, and tears begin to rush uncontrollably from my eyes. I choke on the sobs coming out in ragged breaths. Snot running from my nose as I try to wipe it on this ridiculous dress. I’m a complete mess…

“Nymweh! I need you, please?” I sob.

“I’m here, child. What troubles you so?” Nymweh’s voice melodic and soothing.

I look up from the base of my Pear Tree, following the trunk upwards until I meet her face. Somewhere slightly below the fork in her branches that lead up into her leaves and fruit, rests the kindest, old, and wise lady’s face inside this Pear tree of mine. She has been my mentor and my guide for as long as I can remember. Everything good inside of me has come from her and honestly, I think of her more as my family than my actual parents. Her face is full of compassion and genuine concern as she looks upon me right now. My heart swells with such comfort just by being here with her.

“Delilah, my sweet girl. Why are you so sad?” Nymweh kindly asks me.

“It’s my selfish parents! They’re trying to marry me off to some prince that I don’t even know. They’re having their yearly Winter Ball tonight and they invited him and his family. Just moments ago, they introduced us, and this is when they decided to break the news to me. Next week when I turn 16…” I pause, trying to stifle a sob building up in the back of my throat. “They will throw me a birthday ball/wedding!”

I begin to cry once more.

“Oh, that is some news. I’m so sorry Delilah. You are so young, and free spirited. I am sure this feels like your wings are about to be clipped, and that your childhood is now coming to its end.”

“Yes! It’s so unfair Nymweh! Why do my parents hate me?” I ask between heaving breaths.

Her eyes close and she begins to hum such a sweet and melodic tune. I know what she is trying to get me to do, we’ve done this before. She is about to give me some wisdom and guidance but first she wants me in a good mindset. Any guidance I get in my current frame of mind will be lost in the sea of my emotions. So, I follow my mentor. Humming along with her, breathing deeply in and out in controlled breaths. As we harmonize together, I focus on the cool winter air against my skin, the hard ground beneath me, the sweet scent of pears within the air around me, the taste of salty tears on my lips, and the beautiful song we are creating together.

“Wonderful. Good job Delilah. You have come so far from the child that you used to be. You are now a young woman. And what a wise and beautiful young woman you have become. I’m thankful for the opportunities and the experiences we’ve had together. You’ve allowed me to be a part of your life and I’m so grateful for that.”

“Thank you Nymweh. But it’s me that is grateful. I owe everything to you, everything good about me is because of you.” I say as I stand up, meeting her eye to eye. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you, but you should know that I love you, Nymweh.” I wrap my arm around her trunk, my face resting next to hers. Her eyes close as a smile beams on her face.

“I love you too Delilah. I have no doubt that you will make a fine princess to this prince, and maybe even a queen someday.” Her words hanging in the air, shock overcomes me. Did she just say what I think she did? She is siding with my parents on this.

“No! Not you too. Please?” I yell, tears already pooling behind my eyes. I step away from her, questioning her with my eyes as I shake my head.

“Search your heart, Delilah. You will come to find that there are bigger things at work here. You are ready more than you realize. It’s time to put away childish things and be the amazing woman you were destined to be. I love you and I believe in you.” With those words, her face faded from the trunk of the Pear Tree.

Backing away while tears flood my eyes, I trip and come crashing down the small steps that led up to the Pear Tree. For such a small flight of steps, it actually hurt. Once I finish assessing my wounds, I get back to my feet, only to realize what it was that I tripped over in the first place. The lantern. But I can see it’s already too late. The oil from the lantern spilled and spread the fire so quickly already. Topped off with how dry it’s been and all the dead leaves and brush back here, everything is going up in flames and fast! I must get out of here, now!

As I quickly head for the gate, I turn to look back at my beloved Pear Tree, which has already begun to blacken and smoke from a nearby shrub that is engulfed in flames. The pear tree will be doing the same very soon.

Nymweh…

My chest tightens and I begin to tremble as I realize what this means. I must let her go…Running back the way I came; it all seems surreal. The fire growing behind me, giving light for me to see as I return home. The trees as I pass them, the crunching of each step as I run, my heavy breathing paired with guttural sobbing… felt like I wasn’t even inside my body as these things were happening.

I approach the back of our mansion to see my parents holding one another at the top of the steps. Their tear-soaked faces turn to me as I come walking up the steps towards them. My mother gasped and came to me, wrapping her arms around me tighter than I knew her small, framed body was even capable of. Her sobs echoed in my ear, and then I realized it was because I was sobbing along with her. Matching her tone, almost like I did with Nymweh and our humming. My father was at our side wrapping us both in his arms just seconds later, squeezing us as he told me how worried they have been about me. I had no idea they even cared about me… Then as quickly as that thought formed in my head, another one formed in its place.

Of course, they care about me. I’m they’re daughter. Just because they make me do things I don’t want to do; doesn’t mean they don’t love me. It’s actually because they love me that they want what’s in my best interest. I’ve been so blind to this, why didn’t I see this before? Nymweh was right…

The thought of losing her rips my heart in two.

***

Thankfully, they were able to get the fire under control before it reached the mansion. I wanted to go out there to her one last time, but I knew there is a conversation I need to have with my parents first. After I got cleaned up and dressed for bed, I told my parents I want to talk in the study.

“I first want to say that I am sorry for being such a troublesome teenager. I know I haven’t made things easy on you, but I want that to change. Starting now. I will accept the marriage between myself and the prince. I know it will help both of our lands to unify and to prosper. I’m sorry I was so selfish before.” I tell them both.

Father was so pleased that he left the room immediately to go notify everyone and begin preparing for next week. Mother smiled but I could tell there was something more behind her eyes.

“I have something I want to show you Delilah.” Mother says as she gets up and pulls an envelope out of an old book on a bookshelf.

I open the letter she handed to me, a photo inside was of my mother at about my age, and an older lady. My eyes sting in recognition of the older woman…

“Nymweh!” Her name came out of my mouth more like a breath than a word.

“Yes, you’re grandmother, Nymweh. It’s her and I on my wedding day to your father. How did you know that was her, dear?” My mother asks.

“Oh, um. It’s written on the bottom of this letter. So, I just assumed.” I lied.

My mother smiles in acceptance of my explanation and then we talked about many things. She shared that her and my father were arranged and that she is happy and wouldn’t change a single thing about her life. That her mother taught her that happiness isn’t found in life’s circumstances, that it’s your mindset that determines your own happiness.

Yeah, Nymweh was one wise woman.

After much convincing, my parents agreed to let me go back to my garden one last time once it was daylight. I’ve never had a more restless night.

Shortly after sunrise, I found myself standing in front of all that was left of my beloved Pear Tree, my Nymweh, my grandmother. Now just a jagged and burnt tree trunk. It pales in comparison to what it once was.

“You were right Nymweh. I see that now. I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner. I’m sorry that you’re gone, but I am glad for the time that we had. You found a way to reach me and be a part of my life, thank you. Mother gave me something you gave to her before she married Father. I felt reading this here was the best way I can say goodbye. So here it goes…”

I open the letter and hope she can still hear me out there somewhere….

“Search your heart. You will come to find that there are bigger things at work here. You are ready more than you realize. It’s time to put away childish things and be the amazing woman you were destined to be. I love you and I believe in you.”

Placing the photo and letter at the base of the burnt pear tree, I begin to hum. In the distance, I hear a sweet, melodic hum harmonize with mine.

“Goodbye, Grandmother.”