Larry the Shark Meets the Midnight Denizens

Larry the great white shark appeared relaxed as he drifted on the currents, but he was ready to burst forth like a nuclear torpedo if he needed to. He used his incredible sense of smell to try and locate something to eat. A plump tuna, a lone seal, or maybe even a hapless tourist would do, but right now the ocean was devoid of delicious morsels. It was as if every living oceanic creature knew he was on the prowl.

The only other creature to be seen, or smelled was Pierce the needlefish. He swam close by muttering to himself. Larry was about to blame the lack of food on Pierce’s dour mood. Last night his little sisters accidentally destroyed his Slaystation gaming system. They were chasing each other all over his room while he was trying to mind his own business and kill all the evil minions on the screen. He even yelled at them two or twelve times to stop it but being the little pests they were, the young girls ignored him as they continued to zip around in circles. Pierce didn’t know who was chasing who, but by the time he started to feel the swirl of the current they were creating, it happened. Laughing and not paying attention, Sliver and Dottie slammed into his desk like a wrecking ball. When the sand settled, all that was left were shattered pieces of his coral desk, mangled chunks of a once perfectly functioning Slaystation, and two girls screaming loud enough to throw off submarine sonar signals. Pierce stared on in muted shock and horror. When he was about to throw his screaming siblings into the Mariana Trench his parents burst into his room, horror stricken looks on their pointed faces. Before he could even complain that these irresponsible guppies destroyed the one thing he cared for more than life itself, they had the audacity to yell at him for making the girls cry. Every time he tried to tell his side of the story his words were swallowed up either by the combined wailing of two girls, or uninterested shouts by his parents. They blamed him for letting the minnows get hurt. “Wait until I find a few hooks or a gill net,” he grumbled as the cacophony continued in his room. Needless to say, Pierce was as fun as a can of tuna this morning, and about as happy as the fish packed inside the can.

“What are you looking at?” Larry asked when he noticed his friend constantly turning to stare over his fin.

“Don’t look now but we have a tag-a-long behind us,” Pierce sneered while grumbling under his breath.

“Did you bring your sister along today, Pierce?” Larry teased.

The milk-curdling look Pierce shot Larry’s way helped to take his mind off the grumbling stomach. Then Larry’s eyes focused on the little shape following them.

Not far behind, a tiny pulsating dot struggled to keep pace with the streamlined Larry and Pierce. At first, he thought it was a jellyfish, but when he squinted his eyes, the fuzzy blob came more into focus and he saw a tiny squid. Since breakfast was making itself scarce, and curiosity moved in, Larry stopped to find out what it wanted. The speck of a squid stopped, blushed bright red all over, then slowly waved a tentacle at Larry. “Aw, look at the little fella,” Larry said. “He’s trying to keep up with the big boys.”

“We aren’t a babysitting service and I don’t want another little brat causing trouble.” It was clear Pierce was still quite miffed about the destruction of his game system by his younger sisters.

“Well, maybe he’s lost. I don’t mind him hanging around. Besides, he’ll probably just get bored after a few minutes and run off.”

Feeling accepted, the little squid turned a cheery yellow and swam a little closer.

“Get lost you little brat. Don’t you know he’s a shark?” Pierced pointed at Larry. “He eats anything that moves, and I know for a fact he loves calamari.”

Larry was about to let Pierce know that it was the tiger sharks that ate anything. That’s how they got the title, ‘the garbage disposal of the seas,’ but the little squid had a great comeback.

“Then why doesn’t he eat you?” the little voice bubbled. “Oh now I get it, he needs a toothpick after his meals.”

Larry laughed, “This kid’s got spunk, I like him.”

Pierce didn’t think it was very funny. He was tired of little sisters. They destroyed his stuff, got him in trouble for nothing, snitched on every little thing, and were overall menaces. This little squid reminded him of Sliver and Dottie, and his sour temper boiled over. “You’re going to pay for that you little punk,” Pierce growled, darting toward the cheeky squid.

Before Larry could blink his big black eyes Pierce had the squid between his fins, “Watch this,” and took a deep breath and then blew into the squid’s fleshy mantle. Larry watched in shock as the tiny squid swelled up like a pufferfish.

“I wouldn’t do that,” Larry warned, but Pierce ignored him and continued blowing the squid up like a balloon. The oversized eyes bugged out like swollen buttons. Its mantle expanded and went from fleshy and opaque to paper thin and translucent. Larry watched in horror while he waited for the poor squid to burst. Pierce then knotted the two long tentacles together and bounced the squid off his fin repeatedly like a punch balloon.

Bonga-bonga-bonga; it even sounded like the vintage kid’s toy. Pierce punched it with his short fin. The squid stretched away into the distance until the elastic tentacles brought it careening back again. Larry covered his mouth to keep from laughing out loud at Pierce’s uncharacteristic bullying tactics. Then the needlefish untied the tentacles and let go of the squid. It let out a long, high pitched squeeee… as it hurtled all around them like a released balloon until it flew off into the distance. Pierce howled with laughter as he grabbed his sides. Larry couldn’t help himself, the sight of the tiny squid flying around like a spastic fly combined with Pierce’s hooting was too much. Both fish brayed with mirthful rapture.

“That was so wrong,” Larry said when he could breathe again.

“But so worth it,” Pierce wiped a tear from his eye.

“What have you got against squids?”

“They’re just freaky,” Pierce explained. “They have these weird pulsating colors, they skulk around in the darkest waters, and when you least expect it they shoot those disgusting, rubber band arms out and grab you.”

Larry scratched his nose. “PTSD much?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I hope that made you feel better, you streamlined bully.”

“Look who’s talking Mr. King-of-the-Sea, top-of-the-food-chain, steroid-infused-tuna. Besides…yes. That made my rotten day much more enjoyable.”

“I’m glad you thought picking on a defenseless baby squid was so funny,” came a scale chilling, menacingly deep, echoing voice leagues below them.

Larry searched for the owner of that cold voice. Was someone trying to prank them? His puzzled gaze rested on Pierce. The needlefish’s eyes were threatening to pop off his face like Lego pieces, and his face had gone from polished chrome to tarnished pewter. He was quaking so hard that sparkling flecks of silver rained down around him like glitter. “What has you so spooked?”

“I think I inked myself,” Pierce squeaked.

“Ba ha ha ha! Inked yourself? What are you talking about, you’re not a squid.”

“It’s not funny,” Pierce wailed. “It’s what my mom called it when I piddled.”

That was all Larry could take. He clutched his sides, rolled over in the water, and roared with laughter.

“Let’s see how the masochistic minnow likes it,” the deep, slow voice said.

“Eep! Larry, you have to hide me!” Pierce tried to disappear behind the great white shark.

“What did you do now? I bet that voice is coming from Clarence the clownfish. You know how he is always trying to prank us, Larry said as he rubbed his sore abdomen. He hadn’t laughed this much in one day, ever.

“That voice...It’s a giant squid.”

Larry was about to point out that giant squids don’t swim this close to the surface except at night light, but two huge, sucker-covered tentacles shot up from the black water. In approximately three nanoseconds they wrapped around Pierce and made him disappear like a magic trick. The only indication that the needlefish was actually there were several mirror quality silver scales that caught the sunlight and reflected it back to him. “Eww,” Larry said when he noticed a thin, dissipating trail of brown leading into the chasm of darkness. “I think he did more than ink himself.” He called into the deep, “Pierce? Can you hear me down there?”

“You should forget about your friend, he’s a goner,” a tiny voice squeaked.

Larry started at the sudden sound and had to check if he had inked himself. “Whoa,” he said when he saw the tiny squid floating next to him. “How did you… When did…” He stammered, then thought it best to attempt an apology for Pierce. “Um… sorry for my friend's actions.”

The squid shrugged his tentacles, “You should start looking for a new friend. That one isn't coming back.”

Larry creased his brow but remained silent.

“That was my mom, a giant squid. I’m little now, but one day I’ll be as big as her, maybe bigger,” he said. “And then no one will pick on me anymore.”

Larry’s eyes grew wide. Pierce wasn’t just in trouble, he was in mortal danger. “Surely, when Pierce apologizes they’ll let him go. Right?”

“You wish,” the little squid said a bit too gleefully. “Normally he’d just get bitten in half and eaten, but Mama sounded really mad. Nobody makes Mama mad.” The squid swam away, but every time he sucked water into his little jet, it squeaked like a tightly held fart. Fweep, fweep, fweep. Since squids propel backward, the baby kept those unusually large eyes on Larry for an awkwardly long time.

He was wracked with indecision that felt like a 40-ton anchor. Should he attempt to find Pierce on his own or get help first? Would Pierce even be alive if he found his friend? The giant squid wasn’t going to kill Pierce, it wasn’t like he ate the tiny calamari nugget.

As the great white shark weighed his options he heard a distant cry. “Larrrrrrr-yyyyyy!”

“Hold on little buddy. I’m coming,” Larry said as he dove into the dark.

The tiny squid shrugged his tentacles again when Larry disappeared into the murky depths. “Looks like my family will be eating well tonight.”

Like a bolt of lightning, Larry streaked into the deep, gloomy abyss. Despite what Pierce claimed earlier, he wasn’t particularly fond of eating squid, but if they hurt his pal, he would feast on calamari today. Since he hadn’t eaten all day, he was sure he could consume an entire 1,000-pound squid.

The deeper he descended, the darker his surroundings became, until he was enveloped in solid black. In fact, it was getting so dark that he couldn’t even see his nose in front of his face or the glittering gold nose ring. Even the smell of the water began to take on a distinct fragrance of desolation.

Even though he wasn’t a full grown great white shark, Larry still had little to fear in the ocean, but as he sank into the dreary, black depths, he had to admit his insides tingled with apprehension. It was so dark down here that sunlight didn’t penetrate through the water and everything was as black as polished coal. He was now entering the Midnight Zone. A place where most light dwelling creatures feared to swim because the residents here were said to be crazy, and would rather eat you than talk. Apparently, years of frigid water, extreme dark, infrequent meals, and crippling isolation made the Midnight Denizens very unpredictable.

Larry thought he should have been more prepared, and at least brought a flashlight, or let his family know where he was going when he bumped into something small, round, and squishy. Larry wouldn’t have paid it any attention except it lit up with a bright blue luminescence. “Oh!” he exclaimed when the flash pierced the consuming darkness. He reached out tentatively and swung his fin around in the dark until he bumped the soft lump again. Again, the bright blue glow chased off a fragment of the oily blackness for a split second. He grabbed the little jellyfish, gave it a gentle squeeze, and it emitted the bioluminescent glow that was accompanied by an indignant squeak. Now he could at least see his nose. The tiny speck of bioluminescence pushed back the oppressive gloom only about a foot, but even that was an improvement over pitch black. With the jellyfish still clutched in his fin, he searched until he found a long ribbon of kelp. Seaweed in hand, Larry returned to the spot he found the jellyfish. These gelatinous blobs swam in large groups, and he needed more. He wrapped the kelp ribbon around the jellyfish and finished with a cylindrical tube. The ambient glow was concentrated into a narrow thin beam of soft, blue light. This way, Larry was able to locate and grab several more flashing, squishy blobs which he stuffed into the kelp tube. The shark now had a wonderful underwater flashlight.

With bolstered courage and a comforting light, Larry continued his vertical descent. He dropped faster than a ship’s anchor into the deep trench. Luckily, life in the deep ocean was scarce, but the few denizens he saw gave him the creeps. He would occasionally catch a glimpse of a bug eyed looking fish or transparent slug thing. Even though they moved in slow motion and were too small to harm Larry, he still avoided them like they were diseased. Never before had Larry needed a reason nor desire to travel this far from the warm, bright waters above. The stories he was told as a shark pup kept him swimming safely in the Sunlight Zone. Occasionally he would go deeper into the Twilight waters, but he never lingered there for long. He was told of exiled degenerates and freaky looking outcasts that seemed to live only for the thrill of abducting bad little sharks who refused to eat their seal nuggets. They all had slavering tongues, rows upon rows of fish hook shaped teeth, giant cataract colored eyes, and could eat little sharks in one bite. Even though he surmised these tales weren’t true, Larry sincerely hoped he could avoid any interactions with such monstrosities.

Larry chased the smell of squid and Pierce deeper into the abyss. Down here, his ability to locate life from their minute electrical senses was becoming muted. He could feel the faint tingle of life around him, but wherever he shone the flashlight, nothing appeared. Occasionally he saw a dark form but it would always disappear as if allergic to light. “How down far do these giant squids live?” Larry wondered aloud when he realized the light beam was growing dim. He turned the beam on himself, and looked into it with his coal black eye, “Hey, what’s going on in there?” he asked. When he didn’t get an answer he tapped the sides of the rolled kelp. Unintelligible grunts and murmurs cried out. The seaweed flashlight undulated as the jellyfish wiggled and jostled for room. Larry squished them back inside and muttered a few threatening words to them. When the light shone brighter Larry said, “That’s more like it.”

Larry looked up and noticed a small, dim light nearby. His eyes fixed on the ghostly bulb dangling in the middle of nothingness. Larry had a distinct feeling that he should avoid this light at all costs, and his brain screamed to swim away, far away. A stronger sense of curiosity drew him closer. As his eyes focused on the disembodied warm glow, he felt the gentle, inviting pull of a lover coaxing him closer. Inside his head, he heard a repeated mantra that blocked out any other thought. Come to the light, be one with the light. Come to the light…

The small, untethered, floating orb slowly faded like a dying ember. When the depthless black enveloped Larry again, he started to gain control of his body and mind. What kind of hoodoo is this? He thought. Confused, he directed his beam of light all around but saw nothing aside from solid black water.

Don’ ee ah-hraid... An ethereal chant called out from the dark.

Unadulterated horror pierced through his consciousness like a laser. This was a sensation the great white shark had never experienced before. He would rather have his scales scraped off with a vegetable peeler than feel fear. His eyes bulged out of their sockets as his serrated teeth clacked together like maracas. Larry began remembering the childhood stories his uncle would tell him just before he went to bed. Tales of being swallowed whole only to go through a slow and agonizing process of being dissolved by stomach acid. His uncle delighted in watching Larry turn as white as bleached coral as he continued in gory detail about how it felt to be digested and turned into a primordial ooze of liquified flesh and bones. Over time, Larry discounted these tales as nothing more than fictional stories. He realized later on that his uncle had a perverse and sadistic sense of humor. Now he wondered once again if they were actually true.

“Show yourself,” Larry said, trying to sound brave. “I have a huge mouth full of flesh ripping teeth, and I’m not afraid to use them.” He clamped them down to stop the chattering and pulled his lips back to look fearsome.

Ee too. Hut, I don’ huan do ead yoo.

“What?” Larry couldn’t keep the pitiful squeak out of his voice. The dimming flashlight searched, but he could not find the owner of the disembodied voice. “Did you say ‘eat you’?”

No ead yoo. Ee hriends. Hlease don’ run ah-hay huen yoo see ee.

“I can’t understand you,” Larry said, still looking around in pitch blackness. “Quit hiding in this darkness, come on out.” Larry did not actually want to see the creature attached to this voice, but at least then he could decide if he needed to bite it in half and run away, or just swim very fast, very far away.

Don’ hrun. O-hay.

Larry sensed rather than saw movement from above him. The jellyfish flashlight had grown dim again and failed to illuminate anything but faint shadows in the thick water. Were the jellyfish terrified too? He couldn’t blame them when he too was ready to swim away as fast as he could. In frustration, he smacked the kelp cone a little harder than before. Indignant squeals burst from the kelp but the light increased slightly before dimming again. He trained the failing beam on the creature above. Terror the likes of which his imagination could not fathom revealed itself. If he wasn’t frozen in fear like a big bag of fish sticks, Larry would have jetted toward the surface like a torpedo. A huge, dark eyeball descended and stopped in front of his face. It absorbed the light like a sponge. The iris was polished, frosted glass that expanded and contracted like a camera lens. Larry could see clear through to the back side of the gelatinous eyeball. The lidless creature turned to face the shark, and he saw a massive cave of teeth shaped like stalactites and stalagmites. The smooth, curved hypodermic needle sharp teeth were as long and thin as moray eels and had a glassy, translucent quality. Larry knew these teeth were meant to impale every organ and bring on an agonizing, harrowing death. He pinched his bladder before he inked himself and swallowed a scream that quivered in his belly. It wouldn’t look good for a fearless great white shark to go out screaming like a baby and “piddling” himself as Pierce had put it.

“What the hell kind of demon spawn are you?” Larry wailed when he found his voice. His mouth filter had long disappeared into the murky ocean depths. “You look like your face was beaten with an ugly stick until the fish holding it was too exhausted to swing, then his daddy came in and finished the job.”

“Wow, could you top’s be any more insulting?” This voice was small and tinny like someone had inhaled a balloon full of helium. “You’re talking about my little snookums, be careful what you say.”

The voice came from behind the anglerfish. Larry shone his light around the cavernous mouth, he saw a disproportionately tiny body behind, but still didn’t see anyone else around. “Who’s there?”

Hye hus-hand, the mouth with fins said.

Larry thought he had been in this oxygen deprived, pitch black abyss for too long because he was starting to go crazy. He actually understood this anglerfish, she said ‘my husband’, but did he detect a tinge of regret in the answer? As his fear started to diminish, edged out by curiosity, he knew now why this creature talked in the oddly slow, forced manner. The teeth were half as long as Larry, and so prominent, she had to talk without using her lips.

“It’s okay honey, I’ll take it from here. Can you tilt yourself to the side a little bit so we can see each other?”

The anglerfish’s fins drooped as she let out a long, heavy sigh. With much effort and exaggerated movements, it slowly rotated to the side.

Larry was supremely confused when he saw no other anglerfish. He shook the flashlight and waved it around but the beam was swallowed by the sea.

“Over here!” Movement on the fish’s side caught his attention.

“Oh dear godfish!” Larry gasped. Two eyes, a small round mouth, and one set of fins waved at him. It was no bigger than her eyeball and had a sickly, atrophic appearance, but what was so disturbing is that it was fused to the side of the larger fish.

“Hi, I’m Milton, and this is my lovely wife Mabel.”

“You’re a freaking talking tumor!” Larry yelped. If he had hair, he would be ripping it out in thick clumps. “What kind of nightmare has Pierce brought upon me?”

Mabel started making a sound like she was choking on a fishbone.

“Keep on laughing Mabel,” Milton said. “Anyway like I said about you tops, you take rude to another level. This is normal down here. Once we mate, the male, that's me, just dissolves into the woman. I wish I could say it was a match made in heaven but we make due.”

Larry shook his head, “No, there’s nothing heavenly about this sight.” He caught himself before he mentioned the sight made him think more of hellspawn.

“Down here, when you ‘catch’ a mate, you ‘stick’ with her until the end,” Milton chuckled at his own joke, while Mabel let out a long sigh. Larry thought she must have heard that one a million times.

“That’s...that’s great,” Larry said. “But I’ve got to find my friend, I don’t have time to chat.”

“Hey,” Milton said before Larry could swim away. His tiny eyes shifted back and forth like he was making sure they were away from prying eyes and sharp ears.

Larry cocked an eyebrow and looked around. They were likely the only life around for miles.

Milton waved Larry closer. When the shark cautiously drifted forward, Milton whispered, “We’ve got something very important to tell you.”

Hil-don…

Larry had been around his mother and father enough to know the warning tone she implored. Thinking he was making a mistake, but hoping this was a piece of important information Larry leaned in as close as he dared so he could hear everything.

“We’ve been trying to contact you concerning your car’s warranty.” Milton slapped his wife with a tiny fin and howled with laughter.

Larry backed away and scratched his head, “Huh?”

“Oh come on, that joke kills down here.”

“Really, I wish I could say it’s been nice meeting you but that would be a lie,” Larry said.

“Hey, don’t go so fast. We hardly ever get any visitors down here, and usually, when we do, Monster Mouth Mabel here gobbles them down before we can have a decent conversation.”

I eat hor two, yoo hara-site.

“You eat for two? Are you including me? I’m only a tiny fraction of your massive girth. Besides, just think how lonely you’d be without me honey bunch.”

Should haa ade yoo.

“Okay,” Larry held up his fins. “Since the midnight zone is your area of expertise, do either of you know where the giant squids hang out?”

The tiny smile melted off Milton’s face. “That’s a bad place. You don’t want to find yourself down there unless you’re a squid. Or a sperm whale,” he added. “They come down here to eat those freaky gluttons.”

“I have to find my friend. Besides, I can handle a few squids.”

“Look, my toothy buddy, there are more than just a few and they eat anything and everything. We don’t mess with the squid pack, and you shouldn’t either unless you want to be next on the menu.”

Larry wondered how he got the nickname “toothy” when Mabel had at least two times as many as any shark. “Tell me where they went.” Larry struggled but finally let out a quiet, “Please.”

“Since you’re determined to become shark-kabobs, look for the Pink Ink at the bottom.” Then he changed his tone and started chanting, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming… Well, you get it. You’ll eventually find it.”

Good-hye little hriend, Larry heard Mabel call after him as he jetted toward the bottom. For such an odd couple, he admitted to himself, they really weren’t all that bad. Maybe he was judging the midnight denizens a bit harshly, and they were simply misunderstood. Still, he couldn’t suppress a shudder when he thought about Milton’s life. If sharks had to fuse themselves to women, Larry would be a bachelor for life. His mind was wandering when the jellyfish flashlight beam landed on a smiling face that resembled a shark, but only in the loosest sense. Feeling emboldened by his interactions with the anglerfishes, Larry approached the creature. The strange appearance of this fish gave Larry the creeps but pushed that feeling aside. Oversized eyes with green pupils reflected the faint glow from the jellyfish. It swam toward Larry in a mesmerizing sway, and he felt caught in the slow, back and forth motion. The mouth on this shark was open in a Cheshire cat grin, but the teeth looked nothing like he had seen before. They appeared to be rows of steampunk gears. But instead of running with the mouth, they were set at 90-degree angles. Larry imagined them spinning around like saw blades. If this weird fish bit into anything, those serrated, saw blade teeth would grind flesh and bones into plankton sized bits. But the most unsettling feature was the way its gills were flipped inside out. Had they exploded from the pressure down here? Is this what would happen to him if he stayed down here too long? Its gills were gaping open, and the red, feathery appendages gently caressed the shark's neck as it swam awkwardly. Larry felt his rough skin crawl. He had heard tales of frilled sharks, but words didn’t match the unsettling, physical manifestation before him.

A lump materialized in his throat that he couldn’t swallow and made his greeting sound meek and frightened. The ungainly fish didn’t say anything but continued to sway and swim toward him with the disconcerting grin plastered wide on its face. As the silent creature drifted closer, Larry noticed another anomaly with this shark’s appearance. Instead of a thick, muscular body like most sharks, it had a long, lean, nearly finless body more fitting of an eel. The dorsal fin, if it could be called that, was only a tiny lump at the end of the tail. Instantly, Larry imagined some sadistic murderfish down here that would dismember normal fish, or turn them into chum, and fuse them back together into Frankenfish monsters. It was the only explanation because nature couldn’t create rejects like this.

Larry backed up as it continued toward him. Was it drawn to the light, or did it think another shark would be a delicious, forbidden treat? Either way, he wasn’t sticking around to find out.

Before he darted away, a set of apathetic, thin, red tentacles floated into view above the frilled shark. Again curiosity latched onto him like a lamprey. Training the light onto this new creature, Larry was again surprised at the strange looking creatures in the deep ocean. It was a bulbous, red, amalgamation of squid and octopus. On either side of the rounded mantle were twin, bold sapphire eyes. Larry was feeling a bubble of madness creeping into his consciousness, he couldn’t take many more sights like this. The tentacles were all webbed in a thin draping of red flesh that resembled an umbrella. Transfixed, he watched as the vampire squid silently descended over the frilled shark’s head, closed its tentacles, and began to float upward. The frilled shark didn’t squirm or fight, instead, it casually went along for the ride. Larry was enthralled, and his wide, toothy mouth gaped as the two creatures formed a grotesque looking red balloon. “That’s a huge, double order of ‘Nope’,” Larry said and swam as fast as he could toward the bottom of the ocean. The quicker he rescued Pierce from this hellscape of a freakshow, the happier he would be.

“No more distractions,” he said as the words were swallowed by the night. He had to focus on finding his friend. Once that was done he was going to erase the maddening sights he witnessed or today, risk having night terrors every time he closed his eyes. He couldn’t wait to get back to his world of light, vibrant colors, order, and routine. Normalcy! The logical world where husbands didn’t melt into their wives, sharks had normal teeth and gills, and there weren’t terrifying, monstrosities lurking just beyond the light.

Now that he could focus on the task at hand, Larry wondered how he was going to find this squid hideout. Milton told him “just to keep swimming” to the bottom, but the ocean was a vast place. He might swim down here for the rest of his life and never come across it. He had lost the scent long ago. Down here there was a persistent smell of damp mildew, and doom that only grew stronger the deeper he swam. The jellyfish flashlight wouldn’t be of any use much longer. He had to bop it more often to keep it from going out completely. Each time the groans and grumbles got weaker, along with the pale, blue light.

He could try concentrating on his ampullae of Lorenzini, the gel-filled pores in his nose and lateral lines that picked up minute electrical pulses, but the water down here was so thick. He was barely able to feel Mabel’s electrical signal until she was right next to him. The same happened with the few other creatures he had come across. Maybe if he closed his eyes and blocked out everything else. Before he closed his eyes, Larry checked his immediate surroundings, up, down, all around. When he felt certain nothing was going to leap out of the dark and make him a past tense memory he concentrated on the tiny electro pulses that all animals emitted. He had to block out the pervasive smell, the chittering from the jellyfish wrapped in their kelp prison, and the constant buzz from the plankton, krill, and other microscopic fauna all around. Finally, he felt a tiny tingle from directly below. It wasn’t more than a little blip, but when Larry focused all his energy on that blip, the insignificant prickle soon lit up like a spotlight at the end of a tunnel. It wasn’t far away, and Larry knew it was the squid hangout.

“You squid better hope Pierce is still alive,” Larry said as he bolted toward the electro pulses. Soon he saw a tiny pinprick of light. Not the usual blue bioluminescence that is emitted in the pitch black, but an unnatural, warm, pink glow. As he swam closer, he heard and felt the rhythmic thumping of loud music throbbing from the pink light. The jellyfish flashlight snuffed out, but he gave them a break. No need to advertise his position and give himself away, it was time for stealth mode Larry.

A deepwater nightclub was carved into the rock face of a cliff. Above the entrance, a pulsing neon sign advertised The Pink Ink Club. Multicolored lights flashed and strobed from the entrance as heavy, synthesized bass fought with raucous laughter, and cheers. A solitary giant squid bobbed up and down next to the open door. His bulbous eyes scanned the horizon lazily as the eight tentacles pulsated with the beat of the bass. The two freakishly long arms were crossed in front in either frustration or boredom. “It won’t be hard to sneak up on him,” Larry muttered. “But then there’s a whole squad of squids inside. How do I—” A small, terrified scream shattered the music which was followed by a dull thump and tumultuous cheers and laughter. Larry’s stomach sank like lead.

He could only imagine the torture, the pain, the ridicule, and horrific treatment Pierce was forced to endure. Deep inside him, the sense of cold dread was replaced by a bubbling brew of hot anger that threatened to burst from his gills. “Don’t worry buddy, I’m coming,” he growled.

With a quick plan formed, and a small prayer recited, Larry jumped into action. Using the cover of darkness, Larry inched closer to the bouncer. When he was within range, he hurled the kelp wrapped jellyfish flashlight at the bouncer. It landed directly underneath him. All the jellyfish inside erupted from the constricting kelp with high-pitched, squeaking, jubilant, cries of ecstatic freedom. They whizzed around the bouncer in a cacophony of tiny buzzing, delighted squeals, tangled, stinging threads of tentacles, and pulsating flashes.

The sudden explosion of a living glitter bomb sparkling, screeching, and popping in front of his eyes confounded the bouncer. At first, he thought someone had bashed him in the head and he was seeing starbursts in front of his eyes, but that couldn’t be right, because he didn’t feel the eruption of pain, only the occasional nuisance of a jellyfish sting. He batted at the annoying, tiny globs of pulsating bioluminescence when a thought occurred to him. Gasp! What if these jellyfish are a diversion? He was paid for his muscled frame, not for the quick wit he did not possess. Ignoring the tiny nuisances, he flexed his tentacles then trained his sharp, huge eyes on the darkness as he readied himself for action. Finally, he thought. I get to break some– His last thought was cut short because, by the time his eyes adjusted to the shape flying toward him, all he saw was a gaping mouth of triangular, razor sharp, serrated teeth that clamped upon his face. And the bouncer was transformed into rubbery chunks of squid nuggets.

Inside the Pink Ink Club, no one noticed the excitement right outside the open door. The raging party continued until the DJ’s sharp ears picked up the one sound that chilled all giant squids’ ink instantly. How she heard clicking over the thumping music is anyone’s guess, but maybe when one is a favorite meal for large predators, the prey trains themselves to notice such sounds immediately. DJ Snazzy Squid didn’t want to sound a false alarm, that was a serious offense, especially when the club was packed like a ball of sardines, but she didn’t want to become dinner either. She pulled her headphones back a little and listened. Sure enough, the appalling sound was real and getting louder. She cut the music and was going to make a quick announcement to evacuate as fast as possible when a large, jagged chunk of Brutus the Bouncer splattered on the dancefloor. They knew it was Brutus because the nametag was still attached to the bloody slab. The nightclub grew dreadfully quiet for a split second.

“SPERM WHALES!” The DJ screamed. The entire nightclub instantly went inky black. Not because the lights flipped off, but because every ink sac in the club emptied at the exact same time. A choking, black, cloud filled every inch of the club. Mass chaos ensued as squids zoomed out the front door, the back door, through the window, and any passage they could find to escape being devoured. One even tried to flush himself down the toilet but became stuck.

“Hey! What happened?” Pierce coughed. His gills were clogged with ink and it was getting hard to breathe without getting big mouthfuls of squid excrement. “Who,” cough, cough “turned out the lights?” The needlefish wasn’t turned into chum, he wasn’t beaten up, too bad, nor was he eaten. Yet. He was still on the menu, but only after McGillicuddy finished the dart tournament. Pierce’s sharp beak was stuck in a dartboard and he was unable to free himself because his fins had been wrapped tight with seagrass. He had been hurled into the board at least a few dozen times, but with each successive telling of the tale, Pierce increased the count to at least a couple hundred times.

The needlefish felt strong fins wrap around him, “Let me go, you ten tentacled tussy. Fight me like a man, I’ll lance straight through your still-beating heart like a scalpel through a diseased boil.” Pierce wailed and wiggled frantically as he was rushed through the inky darkness.

Whoever, or whatever had Pierce was making strange clicking sounds, and the fins holding him tight were certainly not the squishy, slimy feeling, sucker covered tentacles of a giant squid. Ink gummed his eyes as he tried to blink the mess away. The more he squinted and blinked, the sharper the blurry shapes became. He saw himself exit the Pink Ink Club, and suddenly return to a different kind of inky blackness. The permanent night of the deep ocean greeted Pierce. He didn’t feel safe yet, but at least he was out of the squid ink and could breathe again. If only he could get the foul taste of concentrated calamari out of his mouth. He wiggled, but his captor squeezed him tighter, but then he was able to see the silhouette of a welcome shape indeed. The familiar toothy grin and five gill slits of his childhood friend were recognizable anywhere. “Larry!” Pierce shouted. “Boy am I glad to see you! Why are you making that odd racket”

Larry was making disturbing clicking noises, but he stopped long enough to reply, “Shut up. Don’t give us away dummy.”

Pierce turned his head to look behind them and saw at least six giant, torpedo shaped tubes with long tentacles careening toward them. Pierce let out a shrill squeak, “They’re coming, Larry.”

Larry didn’t dare look back. Besides, he didn’t need to see them, he could sense their presence closing in. He continued to make the clicking noise, only louder and more frantic this time.

“Bring back our dart, we don’t want to hurt you, shark,” the squid yelled toward Larry. “We only want to finish our game.”

“Don’t believe them, Larry. They’re liars. They’ll eat anything, including a shark.”

“Shut up. I need to concentrate.”

“How can you concentrate with all the clickety-clackety going on? Don’t you know you sound like a giant rattletrap fishing lure? You’re probably sounding the dinner bell to these deep water lunatics.”

Larry was tiring and didn’t have the breath or energy to argue with Pierce. The oxygen in the lower depths was much thinner, and the long trip down had already taken its toll. Sharks were not meant for marathon treks to the deep, especially a slightly overweight shark. A diet of whale blubber and seals tends to pack on the pounds. If he could just get closer to the surface, he could get a full breath of air, and maybe the pressure difference would slow the squid down. They didn’t come to the surface often.

They had just reached the twilight dark area and still had a long way to go when a sharp slap hit Larry’s tailfin, and he felt something very heavy, and very strong tugging on him. Turning his head he saw a squid had stretched out a long tentacle and caught him by the tail. He shook and rolled trying to release its hold, but two more joined and latched onto him. Larry would have to fight them, though he knew the odds were stacked completely against him, and in the end, he would lose.

He looked down at Pierce with a sad grin. “One of us should get out of here alive,” he said as he plucked a tooth from his mouth and sliced through the bindings holding the needlefish.

“What are you doing?”

The rest of the squid were latching their tentacles onto the shark and dragging him back into the darkness. Larry drew Pierce back to hurl him toward the surface like a hail-mary football pass, but Pierce wiggled free from the shark’s grasp.

“Don’t you even think about sending me away while you have all the fun. I’ve got a score to settle.”

More tentacles wrapped around Larry. “We have you now, shark,” said a squid.

“What a nice meal you will make for us,” said another.

“Happy Thanksgiving to us!”

“All praise Poseidon, we are gonna eat well tonight.”

“You have to get away, Pierce. I’ll fight them. They may take me, but I’ll take a few with me.”

Pierce puffed out his pencil thin chest, and floated straight up and down in front of Larry, “Then we both go down fighting.” He saluted and said, “It has been an honor, sir.”

Larry smiled proudly at his friend and readied for the fight of their life. He flipped around, zoomed straight toward the bundle of squid, and chomped at the thin rubbery threads holding his tail. The squids were used to battling large toothy predators. They released their grip all at once and the pliable tentacles recoiled. The shark’s teeth sliced through empty water, but his vision was obscured when the squids emitted another cloud of ink. Though he could still sense their movement, he wasn’t agile enough to avoid the lightning fast tentacle punch. The blow connected; it was a hard uppercut to his nose. For such boneless, rubbery creatures, they could pack a punch. Stars flashed in front of Larry’s eyes, but he sensed the next movement and was ready. He tilted and opened his mouth, the punch whistled past as Larry’s jaws slammed shut like a giant mousetrap. The tentacle was severed as easily as scissors cutting paper. The squid screamed and withdrew. The five, uninjured squids launched a unified, tentacled attack, and effectively wrapped him so tight he couldn’t move at all. Larry fought against his captors, chomping his huge, flesh shredding mouth, but he was helpless, and being squeezed by ten pythons.

While the squids were concentrating on Larry and wrapping him like a fish taco, none of them noticed Pierce. Their focus was set on the biggest threat. He had taken Brutus down single finned, the needlefish was nothing more than a nuisance.

Pierce had stayed out of the fray until now because he couldn’t see through the cloud of ink, but as soon as it began to dissipate he went on the attack. Pierce set his sights on one of the squid’s massive eyeballs and imagined that was the dartboard they had thrown him into only moments ago. “If he can’t see, he can’t fight,” Pierce repeated some sagely advice he picked up along his travels. He took a deep breath, locked onto his target, and lanced toward the squid. The oversized eyeballs were going to pop like huge zits. He was a speeding, deadly javelin whipping through the water faster than lighting. Suddenly he heard the sound of a rumbling like a freight train as a massive gray wall rushed in front of him. It was so huge that it blocked out everything else. Pierce put on the brakes, but he couldn’t stop in time and he slammed into the wall of firm flesh. Instead of slicing through the skin, Pierce glanced off harmlessly. The hit rattled his brain, and Pierce was sure he had blunted his nose. “Great, now I’ll have to get it sharpened again.”

When the huge gray mass finally disappeared into the depths, Pierce realized there was one less squid. The rest of the squids recognized the mortal peril, screamed in alarm, and inked gallons of black excrement into the water before swimming off in panicked chaos. More huge gray masses charged into the clouds of ink and tentacles. All Pierce could do is stare in horrified, and awed wonder.

He whipped his eyes around, hoping that Larry hadn’t become a menu item as well when he spotted the great white in the distance wearing a satisfied grin on his face. Two rubbery tassels were gripping his tail, they flapped in the current behind him. As he approached, Pierce noticed they were disembodied squid tentacles.

“We’re saved!” Larry held out his fin.

“Were those…” Pierce was too surprised to give him a “high-fin.”

As if it were summoned, one of the giant creatures approached and stopped in front of Larry and Pierce. It was a gargantuan, box shaped creature. It had grayish, tough looking, wrinkled skin that stretched on for days. A long, narrow mouth with dozens of rounded, blunted cones of ivory swept past them. Pierce gaped at the teeth that were almost as long as he was. A single eye, small for such a massive creature, floated in front of them. It winked, or maybe it was a blink, Pierce couldn’t be sure because, from this vantage point, all he could see for miles was a mountain of flesh. Pierce shrunk back and searched for some hidden pocket of ink in himself in case he needed to create a distracting cloud so he could disappear. A deep, water rippling, rumbling, yet surprisingly gentle baritone asked, “Did either of you water breathers see a distressed, young, female sperm whale around here?”

Pierce blinked and shook his head, “A what?”

Larry straightened and floated vertically, “Now hold on a minute. What do you mean by female whale? How could you tell what gender it was?”

The pupil landed on Larry, dilated and constricted as it focused on him. “We heard a little girl whale pup crying out for help. That’s why we came.”

Pierce started to piece it all together. The clicking, the sperm whales, and now he saw Larry turning bright red in embarrassment, as he said quite indignantly, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t seen any whales aside from you. There certainly weren’t any little girls around.”

“It was you!” Pierce shrieked, pointing at Larry. “You were the one making all those weird clicking noises, and he said you sound like a little girl…” Pierce laughed so hard he could hardly breathe. In between breaths, he said, “You called out to the whales because you knew that’s how they communicate, but you sound like a baby whale. Mr. Great-big-toothy-scary-shark sounded like a BABY GIRL WHALE!” He laughed so hard now he felt his gills were going to burst.

The sperm whale’s eye narrowed. “You called us down here? There’s no distressed child?”

“Yes. No,” Larry sighed and shot Pierce a frustrated look that only made the needlefish howl with laughter even more. He sounded like a barking club of seals.

“Is something wrong with your friend?”

“He’s suffering from pressure sickness,” Larry snapped.

“Am…not!” Pierce hooted between bouts of guffaws.

Larry quickly explained everything that happened and confessed to the distress call.

“I see,” said the whale. “Well, since you helped us fill our bellies, we can’t be that angry, but you should be more careful little fishes. Some of us eat more than squids. So long water breathers,” the whale said as he clicked to his pod, and meandered back toward the surface.

“Hey!” Larry called back over his tailfin. The sperm whale slowed and turned the single eye. “Thanks.”

The pointed mouth creased in a wry smile. “Peace be with you little friend.” The whale followed that with a series of clicks, pops, and buzzes.

“You got it, Moby!” Larry waved as the pod returned to the surface.

Pierce wiped a tear from his eye. “What did he say?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Whatever, come along, Princess,” he snickered. “I’m tired and ready to go home.”

“You’re tired? I come to save you, after you get caught in the situation, only to find you playing a game of darts with your new friends. Maybe I should start calling you Bullseye. But then you’d actually have to hit it to earn that name.”

“Here,” Pierce slapped a rubbery piece of tentacle toward Larry. The water around them was littered with chunks of calamari confetti. “Have a squid nugget. You get grumpy when you’re hungry.”

Larry caught the piece without thinking, bit down on the chunk, then made a face. He chewed a few more times as a sound like wet sneakers on a dry floor squeaked from his mouth. “This stuff is so springy it’s like chewing on a wetsuit. I can’t eat it,” he said, and spit it out.

“I can’t wait to get a hot shower,” Pierce said. “I’ve had enough of squids and their disgusting ink. I can feel it squishing between my scales and I still have the taste of burnt sea cucumber in my mouth.”

Larry cocked an eye at Pierce, “How do you know what burnt sea cucumber tastes like?”

“Don’t ask.”

“Tell you what,” Larry said. “You never mention what the sperm whale said about me, and I’ll not bring up the squids again.”

Pierce thought about it for a moment, then said, “Not a chance, Princess.”

Together, Larry and Pierce swam back to warmer, brighter waters, and on to their next adventure. They made sure to never mess with squids ever again, especially little ones.