Kristen’s Melody

Every day after the breakup Melody would find herself thinking of Kristen. Before her day ended, she craved her. She remembered her goofy laugh and saw her ugly smile. She’d reminisce about how Kristen’s cheeks rise as her lips spread flat across her face. She wanted to walk up to her, say hello, then kiss her tiny lips. But she didn’t. Melody watched from a distance and let her be. She only wanted her to smile. Intoxication by the effortless pleasures of living and enjoying life itself. Nothing left to do or say. So, Melody walked away..... she walked away from that stupid laugh and breathe taking smile. She left them behind the tree where she had watched Kristen from a distance. She pressed her lips against two fingers, leaving a kiss in the wind. The last kiss she’d ever give her.

What if I called her name? She thought as she walked away. She hated her, needed her, cared for her. She loved her beyond control, but she kept that to herself. Should I have called her name? She pondered. She lusted for the lucid vibration of her voice. Calling her name; with anger, with concern, with affection and with intimacy. If only Kristen’s sounding words existed. The intimate call of Melody’s name always escaped her lips while they made love.... the sweet moans of her name brought tears to her eyes. When the counterfeit fragrance of Kristen’s sweat and the artificial nectar of her aromatic middle on her taste buds appeared intangible.

Melody’s imagination pulled her back into time.

“Mel.” Kristen exhaled.

“Ah.” escaped her parted lips and stroked Mel’s listening ears.

“Mel!” Sharp with pleasure.

Kristen’s cry sliced through the hot heavy atmosphere as shark’s fin through the ocean’s surface. The emphasis of Kristen’s essence made Melody’s bones brittle and crumble underneath her warm body as their bodies rolled into the sheets. And onto each other. Kristen’s short serrated whining between hiccups of breath made her flawless as her voice rippled upon the bedroom walls. Mel looked at her face and saw passion and heard ecstasy in her tone. The way Kristen hailed to her, to God, to the walls. Kristen reached for the pillows, the sheets, even at the omnipresence of invisible beings in the wind to clinch them whole into her fists. She hoped they’d pull her away from the overpowering thrusts of Mel’s exploring tongue. But, she’d fallen into immense bliss followed by defeat. There they laid together exhausted and spent. Kristen could never confront Mel’s gaze as she sought visible emotions upon her face. Afraid and hidden behind her hands and arms. Or turned into the pillows. Mel tests Kristen’s bravery as she placed her hands into hers, locked her fingers in between the splits of Kristen’s spreaded fingers and stretched their arms above Kristen’s head. She held them there. Kristen turned her face into the pillow beside her, then a slight nudge from Mel’s soft face swiped her attention. Trapping her in an immediate attraction revealing her satisfaction. She’d smile.

“You’re magnificent.” Mel reminded her as she lay amid her parted legs.

Mel rocked her hips against hers forcing her to spread her legs wider. She fit into her faultlessly. A whimper left her breathless. Those moments left. They didn’t matter. Mel left them behind the tree, where she hoped Kris saw her and want her, but she didn’t.

“Mel,” an unnoticeable approach of a familiar voice spoke.

Hesitant, Mel cut her eyes to look out her peripheral, but no one was there. Had her daydream become reality?

“Mel!” said the voice moving closer. Still she couldn’t find Kristen in the crowd, again.

The phantom’s voice grasped at the short hairs at the back of her neck. Struck by fear and imprisoned in her own mind. Mel ran. Blinded by her imagination the past haunted her hungry heart. Her own mind played punishing tricks on her. She ran faster to escape the lingering sound of the voice behind her.

“Melody, stop!” Kris shouted as Mel stepped off the curb and into the street. Melody’s tears clouded her sight and her ears flooded with Kristen’s damaging voice. Then she turned to the car she never saw coming towards her. The loud shriek of the car’s tires is the last sound she heard. The voice disappeared from her ringing ears. Then there was nothing. Nothing existed.

Nothingness was the end. In that minute, everything and everyone in the world moved in slow motion. Kristen had to live with this. She was alone with herself now. Lead her own way back into existence. Life itself had cancelled, love was abstinent along with the other drugs shared between her and Mel. This was oblivion. Kristen’s heart got heavy. So heavy her torso leaned forward over the ground beneath her. She tried to bear the mass of her heartache, but the weight acted as an anchor. She held her chest to hold up her heart as it broke free of its veins. Her body hurt as her heart broke free and fell into the pit of her stomach. A loud cry emerged from the depths of her soul.

“MEL!” The blasting volume erupted and projected through the air as a grenade exploding in a sleeping desert.

Kristen never told her the truth about why she’d left her. Pride and fear got the best of her. This was the end. The end of her life and the one she loved. Inside of her there was nothing. Nothingness had existed. Nothingness was the beginning. Here everything had ended. She stood there in shock, hurting and her body trembled from her skeleton.

Termination crept downward on her face hidden underneath her tears. In that very instant, within she had withered. Her life laid still on the asphalt.

“Melody” Kristen called again.

No response. She fainted through memories as she crawled towards the love of her life.

“God.” she grunted as Mel kissed her on the neck.

Mel always knew the right places to kiss her. Her lips so electric that her kisses made her glow. Eyes so deep that time disappeared the instant their pupils fastened into each other’s gaze. Hands...... her hands crafted by magicians. They soothed her yearning body. Enchanted her, falling cynical in love.

Abruptly, Kris pleaded with God, whom she had never called out to and begged Him for life.

“Please God!” she begged.

Her hands reached out to Mel’s motionless body.

“Please get up.” she wept.

She swooned into another memory.

“I love you Kris.” said Mel turning onto her side to bring Kris closer. Those words eased into Kristen’s hearkening ears as she laid in Mel’s arms. Her chest retracted and her breath caught her lungs like a piece of thread clinging to a nail on a wall. Quiet tears slipped through her sleeping eyes and onto Mel’s bicep. The first time she had heard those words from anyone except her parents. In that second, she questioned her own value and worthiness of being loved.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry...” apologized the man driving the car after leaping from the driver seat.

“She came out of nowhere.” He explained reaching towards Melody’s still body.

“No! Don’t you touch her! Don’t you touch her!” ordered Kristen.

“She needs help.” uttered the driver, shaking and afraid.

“Fuck off!” Kristen’s rattling voice hollered.

“I’m so sorry....I’m so sorry.” said the man with sincere remorse.

Kristen laid next to Melody on the warm concrete then wrapped her arms around her.

“Please,” she whispered.

“Please baby. Don’t leave me. LDon’t leave me alone. I’m sorry I hurt you. I....I was just so afraid, but if you stay with me I promise I won’t be afraid anymore.” Kristen pleaded.

She had no fear of loving Melody now. More afraid now than she ever had been to lose her. Kris hadn’t noticed the many people around her calling for help, questioning what happened, or just being nosey bystanders. She didn’t care how the parking lot backed up with clueless raging drivers ready to leave the park for the day. She had become deaf to the sirens of screams and scattering feet, only her and Mel were real. She needed to be strong, but the sight of Mel weakened her to the point of no return. Her body debilitated from the incident. She wilted as her shaking hands wiped the blood from Mel’s face.

“Ma’am, are you okay...” the words disappeared into Kristen’s unconscious mind.

“Okay....” rang in her ear and ricocheted off the walls of her skull. Then her mouth opened to respond, but the words trapped in her esophagus. Only a soft whimper escaped as she nodded her head.

”Pl.....Please....” she stuttered through the small puffs of air released from her cheeks. She turned her head toward Melody and saw the paramedic working on her.

“She still has a pulse....it’s weak and we need to get moving.” shouted one paramedic as they moved Melody’s body onto a stretcher.

Compelled by the sight of the slight bend of Mel’s fingers. Kris’s body lifted from the ground as she used the last of her strength.

“Okay.... she muttered back to the paramedic as he helped her up from the ground.

“We will try our best to make sure she’s okay.” assured another paramedic as they lifted the stretcher into the back of the ambulance.

“Let’s get this wagon moving.” another paramedic commanded as he slapped the wall of the vehicle.

Kris grabbed hold of one of Mel’s hands and she placed it between both of her hands.

“I’m here baby and I’m not going anywhere.” Assured Kristen.

She hoped her eyes opened, but they didn’t. She held on tighter. Kissed Melody’s hand as tears poured. The sound of the piercing sirens and honking horns made her sick to her stomach. The rise and falls from the water of road made her even more nauseous. Her thoughts distracted her as the ride was a rollercoaster on the way to the hospital.

“I need oxygen!” yelled the paramedic engaging in chest compressions. Everything moved as if a forward button had pressed at that instant.

Kristen wanted to howl from the splintering agony that caged her heart, but her vocal cords became restricted. She refrained from vocalizing her vivid misery as her breaths quickened into short clips of air.

“I’m going to be sick.” Kris cried.

“Want a bag?” asked the dark haired paramedic. Staring deep into his blue green eyes, she floated on the words leaving his lips.

“Thank..... you.” replied Kristen.

She nodded briskly as she held one of her hands out toward him. He was a gorgeous man and probably healed women with sickness by his handsomeness. She calmed by his presence and focused on his lips as those words escaped.

“It’s normal to feel a little sick. Hold on to that bag, in case you have to vomit.” He suggested as she watch the other two men examine Mel.

“Evan....I need you,” said the man starting an intravenous line on Mel.

“How’s she doing with that oxygen, Jaden?” Asked an older man.

“Vitals still aren’t stable. There’s trauma to her head and blood pressure is rising.” Replied Jaden.

Kristen nodded her head as her faced frowned to cry. Mel’s hand slipped from hers and fell onto the side of the bed as she brought her hands up to her face to catch her expression.

“We are doing everything we can for her.” assured the paramedic with the name Adonis tattooed on his forearm.

“Thank you....Thank you!” she blurted behind her shaking hands.

The ambulance reached the hospital after a few minutes. Kris flinch as the paramedics pushed through swinging entrance. She jogged behind the stretcher until they reached a doctor in the ER triage area. The paramedic reported the injuries to the doctor. Kris stood still. She couldn’t catch her breath.

“Let’s get her into surgery,” were the most frightening words she’d ever heard.

“Is she your sister?” asked Adonis.

“Uhm....No, She’s....she’s my....my,” Kristen’s words trembled as she fell into the particular time she left Mel on one knee after she proposed to her.

“Will you marry me?” asked Mel leaning to a bended knee.

Kristen’s mind ceased, her heart panicked and her blood flow stopped. Her body crank like a stalling engine in an automobile. When it turned over, her body shifted into drive. She reversed pale as the blood drained from her body, then took off running through the crowded Village Square. Melody’s soul left her body as her complexion turned a faded blue like a washed out pair of cheap blue jeans. Her smile drooped into bricked walkway beneath her. Her identity stolen as she watch the one person she thought could never turn her back on her run through the divided people entering the busy site. She tried calling out to Kris, but her voice abandoned her. She was stranded, helpless and hopeless. Beyond the point of hurt, her eyes filled with water, but not enough to form falling tears. The extreme pressure of gravity shoved her into the depths of depression as she struggled to stand. She balled up like a fetus with her forearms covering her face and sank into the sidewalk. Her mind paralyzed, her body ached, her lips quivered and still no tears fell. Kristen ran and stopped when she reached a busy crossing at the edge of the sidewalk. Patient, her body shifted into neutral and she processed and focused her thoughts.

“Oh no, Mel...” Kristen cried.

“Mel.” She said beneath her breath. Melody had been the heroine when no one else rescued her. She loved her. Still she deserted her during the happiest moment of her life. She sprinted back into the square and found Melody curled up into a tight ball with her face covered as if she was alone in her bedroom. When she touched her tremulous body. Melody was unmoved at the gesture.

“Baby, I’m sorry.... I don’t know what happened...I’m sorry.” Kristen apologized.

Melody didn’t wince. Kristen kneeled beside her lover, kissed the side of her face then laid next to her. They were alone in that time. Kristen found courage to speak.

“Into the wind drifting on yesterday, through tomorrow, and forward to today. She waits. Into the days, each running second, every busy minute, and through lonely hours. I stay. My words faded. Full with secrets, heartache, disparity, but there’s endless pleasures. We wallow. Afraid. Apart. Together. I doubt. As they live....loving in the dark.” Tears streamed from Kristen’s eyes as she held onto Melody tighter.

“You haven’t told them?” Melody asked mumbling.

“I couldn’t.” whispered Kristen sitting up.

“You lied!” scolded Melody as she sat up to face Kristen.

“I didn’t lie, Mel,” she said staring at the ground.

“I couldn’t tell you.” Kris confessed.

“My life is ruined because of you. We agreed to tell our parents on the same night. They disown me now, Kristen. Because I’m in love with you and it didn’t matter how afraid I was.... I did it because I love you.” fussed Mel.

Melody stood to her feet and stared into Kristen’s eyes and said, “I gave you all of me and I gave away a future with my parents, I gave you my heart and you don’t deserve it!” Mel remonstrated before she turned to walk away.

“Melody, that’s not fair.” cried Kristen as she watched Melody leave her.

When she returned home that night, she placed her hand on the door knob with uncertainty. Beyond that door lived mystery. It frightened her. She turned the knob then pushed. The door hissed as it separated from its frame. The security panel beeped two short alerts before she reached to disarm it.

“Thank you.” Said Kristen.

It responded just as the door’s latch bolt fell into the strike plate concealing her into the house after she turned the deadbolt. Melody was asleep on the couch which meant she will sleep alone that night. Kristen wasn’t well on her own. Sleeping without Melody was impossible. After, the first hour and few minutes, not speaking to her or feeling her warm body near her was unbearable. She found the strength to go out into the living room and she tapped Melody on the shoulder to wake her.

“Can we talk?” She asked staring at the ring box laying beside Melody on the pillow.

“About what Kristen?” Melody asked sluggish as she mounted her head on her palm.

“Can you come to bed, first?” Asked Kristen.

“No...Kristen. So say what you need to say or let me go back to sleep because unlike some people who parents to help pay their bills. Some of us have jobs to attend to no matter how shitty their lives are.” Melody ranted.

“ That was mean, Mel. I said I was sorry!” responded Kristen.

“Sorry is all you say lately!” Melody said boldly.

“I was afraid Melody because my parents are all I have and if they disown me I don’t know what will happen.” Explained Kris.

“You’re afraid of what they will think, what about you and how they are hurting you! You matter! You matter!” shouted Mel pointing her index finger into Kristen’s chest.

“I understand that Mel!”

“No, you don’t Kristen because you always run away from your problems. We are who we are and we aren’t doing anything wrong! You can’t help who you love! And you don’t lie to the people you love, either.”

“I’M SORRY!” Kristen yelled out of frustration.

“No, Kristen! We don’t lie to each other Kris! I give you everything because you mean everything to me.! No one can change that! I came out to my parents. Now they disowned me!” Mel shouted pointing to herself crying.

“I know....” cried Kristen.

“No you don’t. They disown me! Abandoned me because I fell in love with you. It was okay because I had you to hold on to.” Interrupted Melody.

“But, I’m right here...” assured Kristen.

“But you lied. You told me you told them! You didn’t! I’m out here alone now Kris! I can’t even marry the woman of my dreams because she can’t even be true to herself! I’m not what you want. This isn’t what you want because if you did it shouldn’t seem like work to keep me a secret. This is supposed to be a partnership, friendship and a relationship! And it’s neither! I can’t trust you.

“But, you can....” wept Kris.

“No, I can’t....You can have everything. I’ll still pay my part of the rent, but I am moving back in with my brother until I feel the need to come back here.” answered Melody.

The doctor returned with an update on Melody interrupting Kris’s flash of nightmare. Her walk was slow, her breathing was inconsistent, she worked on her expression, and Kristen heard her irregular heartbeat from a mile away. She walked up held out her hand.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Jactic, are you here for Melody Stevens?”

“Yes.” Kris spoke.

“I’m sorry,” the doctor began.

“No, no, no, no, no!” Began Kristen thinking the worst.

The emergency room emptied as the words sunk into Kris’s ears, Her mind unraveled like a ball of rubber bands breaking apart. Her blood drained from her inflated heart as it crumbled into a speck of nothing, then her body weakened as it struggled to stand under the weight of her words.

“You should sit.” suggested Dr. Jactic.

“Can I see her? Where is she?” wondered Kristen as she looked aimlessly around the emergency room.

“Calm down, sweetie. She’s stable.” her words brought back a breath of life into Kristen’s cramped heart and solidified her worry.

“She is in a coma. She’s a fighter though. I can tell. But, it’s up to her to open her eyes. I’ll take you to see her.” said the doctor inviting her hand for Kristen to take a hold, so she can lead her to Melody’s room.

Seeing her in that hospital bed placed Kris back to the day Melody left. This time she wasn’t coming back.

“You’re just going to leave me! I’ve been here for you! I’ve been here and helped you through some of your darkest days. I went above and beyond to prove how much I love you and it’s never been enough for you!” Kristen said stepping in front of the front door to stop Melody from leaving.

“Above and beyond,” nodded Melody.

“Go tell your mommy and daddy you’ve been dating a woman for the past two years.” She continued as she walked in Kristen’s direction.

“Above and beyond is risking your relationship with your parents by telling them you’re a lesbian, saving up enough money for the past two years to buy an engagement ring, and let’s not forget planning an amazing evening to propose to the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with to have her run out on you! I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you!” She roared throwing the ring box across the room.

“But, you don’t want that.” Melody yelled furiously.

“Melody...” called out Kristen.

“Kris, you can’t love someone if you can’t love yourself first. Be honest with yourself. Understand when it’s time to stop fighting.” stated Melody before walking out the door.

Kristen leaned over Melody and placed a kiss upon her forehead.

“Fight for us baby....please.” she cried.

For the next three months Kristen remained by Mel’s side praying she’d open her eyes again. She always shared her day with her and this day Kristen had great news.

“Guess what?” Sang Kristen placing a vase of tulip lilies next to Melody’s other flowers.

“I finally came out to my parents. They didn’t abandon me, either. They told me I crushed their dreams of having grandkids and a traditional wedding,” She said making air quotations to emphasize the word traditional.

“But, they rather I followed my heart than throw my life away being someone I wasn’t. They told me they loved me. And they want to meet you.” she smiled reaching for Melody’s hand as she sat beside her.

“You have to wake-up to meet them baby.” whined Kristen.

“It’s about time.” mumbled Melody.

“I would love to meet them.” she whispered. Kristen thought she was dreaming when she heard her speak. She laughed then cried smiling ear to ear. Melody’s voice cracked as she spoke so Kristen asked her if she wanted water.

“Hey baby,” she smiled as Kristen lifted the straw to her lips.

That moment was beyond belief for Kristen.

“Hey baby....I’m so so sorry.” she apologized.

“I thought I lost you and I didn’t know what to do. I’m not afraid anymore. So, get ready for me to bother you for the rest of your life.” chuckled Kristen.

“The rest of my life.” repeated Mel.

“Yes,” answered Kristen.

“Will you marry me?” she asked bended on one knee beside the hospital bed.

“Yes,” nodded Melody.

“Yes.”

No happiness compared to the exciting relief that Mel was feeling at that moment. She knew something was wrong, but she didn’t want to ruin the radiant smile stretched across Kristen’s face. Melody coughed as her heart struggled to pump more blood through her body. Suffocating with a smile on her face. She looks Kristen in the eyes.

“Kiss me.” said Melody barely getting her words out.

Kristen leaned in to kiss Mel’s dry lips as they shivered. She kiss stole the last of Melody then the loud shriek of the heart monitor flatlined as Kristen parted her lips from Melody’s. Her heart dropped into the floor beneath her.

“Melody.” She whispered.

“No.”

Through her blurred vision, Kristen ran to the other side of the bed to the heart monitor. She rummaged through the mess of cords and wires, jerked the plug from the wall. The shrieking pitch from machine stopped. She became a monster, afraid, alone, hurting. Her mind still wasn’t at ease as she threw down the cord and screamed for dear life.

“WHY!”

Her heart ached for Melody. Through her squinted eyes she noticed the nurse left two syringes of fentanyl sitting on the table on the other side of Melody’s bed. She reached for them as her hand quaked across Mel’s still body. Her crying muted and formed loud hiccups as she breathed through her nose. She touched the cylinder of the syringes and it was immediate inevitable fate. Her tongue crept around the outer rim of her lips and she grasped the base of one of the syringes, then injected it full of grief, regret, neglect, and millions of apologies into her heart. All that remained floating in one more injection. She positioned the second needle to her heart and glanced at Melody’s unmoving figure.

“There is no life without you.” she confessed as she pushed the last of the poison into her heart. She dropped the syringes to the floor. Kristen climbed into the bed and laid beside Melody. She pushed her fingers between Mel’s closed hand. Locked their fingers together, then guided their arms above her head. She placed her chin in the pit of her shoulder, buried her face into Melody’s neck as her forehead kissed her lower cheek. With her last breath she inhaled Mel’s aroma for the last time and exhaled her own soul into the stream of sunlight that tiptoed through the opened blinds.