Stolen By Loss

Disguised as a dark shadow creeping into your home’s open window, suddenly you’re captured by grief. Then urge to weep strangles your every breath. An unfamiliar tingle of despair and loneliness grows in the back of your throat. It grows larger as you try to gulp it down with the tiny swallows of warm comforting whispers. Gasping for dear life, you reach out infront of you clawing for a single breath of ease. Tears start to bleed through stinging pain from holding back your cry as you suffocate on the reality of loss alone.

True loss, real painful heart aching loss that detaches all other feelings and leaves teeth quivering anger, hands trembling uncertainty and gods wrathful rage of why’s pin to the velcro of what’s left of your heart.

The scream left hanging in the back of your throat burns to be released as you suddenly open your mouth to cry out breathing fire into the hearts of those you loved so dearly once…upon a time…once…just yesterday….once….all of your life ago, but what does it matter at this moment.

Numbness seeps in.

This life forsaking point in time weighs no seconds, minutes, hours or days, weeks, months, years, or millenniums. Time will not age in this moment. No more. Time is and will always die here as the world stands still and you crawl to the lifeless body of the part of you that once was…. still is and….still no where can you find that light….The Light….the hand that dug through the darkness and time to find you and hold you….that light in the voice that could stop your heart as you lived in a moment, but not just a moment such as this moment, but the moment of butterflies weighing in the pit of your stomach, that made you weightless as you floated beyond hatred, hellfire anger and life itself. Into heavenly happiness where you soared. Where you didn’t have to worry, you knew no pain, no suffering, no withering.

Life was life and you lived for that small speck of hope, of strength, of foundation, of reason. Reasons beyond life and agape love. That moment when your spirits touched and your body was only a soul before the body and in the body you still touched and then after the body…..breathlessly you lie living, but not alive. Unaware, undone, unraveling and revealed.

The flowers began to wilt, whispers fade, grief lies in the pit of your belly as you curl to cradle your own body.

Still. As the night, as the day, as the hours that lurk into your bed to steal your years and bundle underneath your frown and into your memories as you slowly began to forget faces…that made you laugh from your heart, cry from your soul with happiness, and taught you how to breath in easily and exhale unrestrained. Stolen away…your light…your desire to be in the present….to be known….to be loved…a part of something good.

Suddenly, you by cry quietly. Sadly, at first. Then happily as your cheeks rise almost shutting your eyes even tighter as you began to hear the glad voices of those faces. When your eyes open, the darkness fades, and the feeling of pins trickling in the flesh of your opening hands, there….then….something you can feel as the numbness uncuffs you and the tears falls to clear your vision for you to see those faces. You thought they’d faded. Away from your memories, from your heart, from your life. Those faces that reminds you to live, to love, to heal, to care, to hurt, to try, to try, to try and try again.