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Judgement

A 500 Word Shockwave Challenge Entry

By Cindy CalderPublished 10 months ago Updated 10 months ago 2 min read

It's a relentlessly cold morning with temperatures below freezing. Silence breaks with each step strategically placed. A resounding crunch echoes over the frozen pond though all else is quiet. Nary an animal's in sight. Even the birds have not dared to venture forth so early.

Greta thinks she must be mad, crossing the icy pond under such conditions. There is no other choice, however, save allowing a life's demise. The pond's been frozen for more than a month, making her weekly trek a bit easier. She shouldn't risk it but considering all that's to be accomplished in a given day, taking the route has proven an advantage worth the wager.

Greta glances up, watching illustrious clouds drift across dark skies. Delicate snowflakes have begun falling in succession. She is struck by the contrast betwixt intricately laced snowflakes and despairingly shadowed skies. The thought takes root, lurching to the pit of her stomach. A foreboding of things yet to come? Despite wearing boots and heavy layers, Greta shivers. Will the darkness of winter ever give way to spring? She'll dance merrily when she first witnesses a new bud of spring. This winter has run too long.

Greta spies Grandma Agata's house in the distance, just before the heavy coppice of trees. The trees' branches, along with the house's roof, are already laden with snowfall. She sighs with relief, spotting spirals of smoke escape the chimney. Thankfully, Grandma Agatha won't freeze for there is an abundance of logs within easy reach.

Today, Greta's basket carries loaves of freshly baked bread, red and juicy apples, cheese, and carrots as well as cabbage from the winter garden. Greta's made the treacherous trip weekly since mid-fall to ensure Grandma Agatha lacks for nothing. The old woman starving isn't a risk she's willing to take, especially when no other offers her assistance. The old woman did live a promiscuous life - and certainly not one up to the villager's standards - so in older years, she is paying steeply. Greta's conscience, however, dictates she help the woman. Judgement is God's alone to make.

Reaching the pond's center, a noise resounds in the eerie silence. Panicked, adrenalin pumping, Greta begins to run until she slips, falling less than ten feet away. Spread eagle, she watches an apple roll across the ice, its redness much like blood against the backdrop of newly fallen snow.

The crack expands and cold water invades. Greta bobs in the frigid water, gasping though struggling for only a moment before acceptance registers. No one hears a sound save the startled birds, their wings flapping against air. The sound fills Greta's ears.

Calming numbness floods, slowly surrounds. Hands, fingers already frozen, slip across the ice. Irony strikes swift and hard as confusion mounts. Warmth infuses and peace encompasses. Has spring arrived?

A single leaf falls on the snow, a whisper of a selfless prayer:

"Please don't let Grandma Agatha starve."

Microfiction

About the Creator

Cindy Calder

From Charleston SC - "I am still learning." Michelangelo

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

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  1. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  2. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  3. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

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    Arguments were carefully researched and presented

  2. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  3. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  4. Masterful proofreading

    Zero grammar & spelling mistakes

  5. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

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Comments (13)

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  • Joe O’Connor6 months ago

    Oh that's a sad one! You set it up well with the foreboding skies and Greta's own uncertainty, but it still happened so quickly. Now they're both goners:(

  • Rachel Deeming9 months ago

    Oh no! Poor Greta! And thinking of Grandma Agatha even at her moment of extreme strife. Nicely done.

  • Lamar Wiggins10 months ago

    Wonderful detail, Cindy! I'm still routing for Greta even though the outcome looks dismal.

  • D.K. Shepard10 months ago

    Such a gripping read, Cindy! The tension and stakes were built up so well and the fall was a jarring shock! Fantastic work!

  • Cathy holmes10 months ago

    That was so wonderfully descriptive. Well done and congrats on the TS.

  • Mark Graham10 months ago

    This is a story that will have you wonder about various ideas that one may have in living. Good job.

  • Greta's gotta get her priorities straight. Like I get she doesn't want Agatha to starve but putting her own life at risk, not worth it at all. Tsk tsk. Now both Greta and Agatha are gonna be dead, lol. Loved your story!

  • John Cox10 months ago

    That was a crusher of a twist, Cindy! Loved how you developed the MC’s character to accentuate the tragedy! Great challenge entry!

  • Lana V Lynx10 months ago

    Oh wow, Cindy, that ending was completely unexpected. Forget Grandma Agatha, Greta has not lived her life yet!

  • Caroline Craven10 months ago

    Oh no. I hoped you weren’t going to send her through the ice…. What a beautifully written story. Really good luck in the challenge.

  • L.I.E10 months ago

    Awww such a sad ending 😢😩😩 she had such a warm heart helping Grandma Agatha, even in the cold.

  • Marilyn Glover10 months ago

    Cindy, this is absolutely brilliant. I already read it twice. Judgment, much like nature, can be a finicky thing. Best of luck to you in the challenge. I am rooting for you!

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