Its Been One Year

It's been one year since you left me for good, one year of heartbreak. I still live here in the house by the beach, the beach you always loved going to. I remember you used to grab my hand, while we ran along this beach as the world faded around us. You were a master with the waves making it seem you had them under your control. I haven't been back to your beach since the day you left me for good, though today I ponder going back. After some time of thinking I put on my black sandals, and put on your favorite shirt of mine, the one you said made me special. As I walk out the door onto the steps down to the beach, the memories come flooding in. Every day, every night, every special moment on this beach comes back to me. I slowly pick up the sand, twist it through my fingers as it falls back to the earth. It’s still as warm and soft as it was the first day we came here though it seems it lost its golden color the day you left me for good. I lie down making the earth my bed and sit there for what seems like hours not caring what happens next, just daydreaming you were back. That's when I saw a golden necklace in the distance, it wouldn't have been enough to get me up from my bed. But this necklace was shining a special kind of gold, I just had to see it. As I get up and dust sand off my shorts and T shirt, I realize what this necklace truly is. It's the one I gave you, the day before you left me for good. It's still got our photograph embedded inside the middle, our agreed favorite one, with the words I love you like you love the waves. I can’t believe I'm holding this in my hands, this feels like some unseen dream but this is real. It's here golden as ever just like the day I first got it for you. They said your stuff was lost, though maybe you left them to the sea, the same sea I once believed you could control.

The next day I put on my black sandals and take sail for the beach again, hoping something new pops up today. I smell the sea, the smell you loved and feel almost at home again. I lie down once more, taking in the sights and waiting, waiting for a new clue. After what seems like hours it finally comes, the teddy bear I gave you on our first ever valentines day. Somehow its dry when it comes out the sea like some mythical force was keeping him safe. He still smells like the same chocolate scented bear as he was on day one, and this brings me to tears. I lie there with the bear in my hands, tears down my face wondering what all went wrong and waiting for the next day to end

The next morning comes slower than the last, like even time is hesitant to move forward. I force myself to eat breakfast and put on my black sandals. They feel heavier today like they know where im going and wish to stop me, but they cant. The beach greets me with the same hot, stuffy air it always does with a light breeze pushing my hair back. I stand staring at the beautiful sky. Looking at clouds in the sky, ones that I know you would talk me to death about their weird shapes and origins, I would always listen of course. It doesn’t take long for today's clue to come, wrapped in a blue envelope with my name in your hand writing. I can't believe it as I tear off the paper gently making sure not to ruin your handwriting and take out a handwritten note I've never seen before. It reads: I knew you would come back here one day, I knew you wouldn't forget my favorite spot, come back tomorrow for your final goodbye. I close the letter slightly confused ,slightly happy, slightly teared up. What does she mean final goodbye? And of course I would come back. How could I ever forget this place?

Tomorrow comes fast, I couldn't sleep just like a kid on christmas eve. I do what the letter says, put on my black sandals and make my way down to the beach. I walk down those stairs the same way you did a thousand times and see a new envelope. This time it's a red one and not just any red, cherry red my favorite color. I'm glad you remembered after all this time, this one reads: Lay down, think of a song to hum and then wake up my love. I'm still here, believe me. I do as she says I lay down humming the song we made together, the only one, because it was so bad we couldn't bear to make another one but we loved it. As I open my eyes your right infront of me, “Have a bad sleep my love”? I blink twice, convinced I am now in a dream, but you're still there. Your light brown coco hair is still flowing in the air the same way it did the day you left me for good. “I asked if you had a bad sleep my love”, tilting your head the same way you always did when you were teasing me. My heart aches, my chest tightens and burns, can it really be you? You touch out and brush a grain of sand from my cheek and your touch feels impossibly warm and soft in a way only you could ever make me feel. “I’ve missed you”, I barely get the words out as my voice cracks and softens. “I know, that's why I came back silly boy”, you say just like how you always would. But how are you even here I ask? I ask this slowly sitting up afraid if I move too fast you will disappear like magic, but you dont u stay in place. You smile again, though not your normal smile, a smile that shows you know something I don't. “The ocean remembers everything, even the things we lose”, she says. “Are you staying”? I ask knowing deep down I already know the answer but I ask anyway. “No, I came to give you what you have been waiting for”. My heart drops, “and what is that”? You take my palm the same way when we first met, you draw a heart in the center and drop a diamond ring in my hand. “Its the one I promised I would get you because you deserved the world, promise me you will wear it my love”? I’ll have it with me until the day I die. My love, dont worry I pinky promise. With those few words I feel her ease and I know she has fulfilled her duty, our final goodbye.