Is This Me?

Eliza stared in the mirror.

She remembered a time from her past when she was always laughing with her friends and was comfortable with her mind and looks. Today, she was cautious.

Cautious enough to make sure her make-up was perfect, and that she was wearing the right clothes.

"So the boys don't look at you," she heard her girlfriend, Jade whisper inside her head.

"Don't wear a skirt, wear Jeans. I don't want them staring at your legs," she had told her.

Eliza eyed herself several times. She was checking to make sure she was not wearing a skirt. She had already done this a few times, but every time she did it the image staring back at her, was a girl wearing a skirt.

She finished perfecting her nude lipstick.

"You can't wear red; those lips are mine!" She heard Jade say.

Eliza wanted to sit on the bed and cry. She didn't understand why Jade couldn't love her without all of these silly rules. She knew Jade was over-protective of her, but this was going over the top. She pursed her lips tight and fought back the tears hard. She didn't want to end up with mascara running down her face, and she didn't want Jade to see her broken tears; the last time that happened, Jade had laughed at her and called her names.

"Are you ready yet Eliza? The girls are waiting, and Lou will be there. We don't want to be late. And please, don't wear that purple top. I told you before, it looks ridiculous on you!" Jade scorned.

Eliza sighed and changed into the pink one, without a word.

"Don't sigh at me, young lady!" Jade told her.

"You need to be ready in five minutes," she called, slamming the door behind her.

Jade didn't want to go out, especially because Lou was going. Lou was Jade's ex-girlfriend, and they were always flirting. The last time they went clubbing, Jade ended up kissing her and Eliza stormed out.

"Don't be a baby Eliza! We can share!" Jade had told her.

Eliza had been sitting alone all night while Jade and Lou danced, flirted, and kissed. She had felt used, like a ghost who wasn't there. She had tried talking to Jade about it, but Jade brushed it off, telling her that she needed to toughen up.

Eliza had fallen silent that night. She cried silent tears that never seemed to be heard by anyone.

"Are you ready Eliza? We're going." Jade called.

Eliza made her way down the stairs and got into the car, silently.

Lou and Jade ignored her; they drove to Harleys club talking to each other, but not to her.

Eliza was horrified with the pair of them.

She was supposed to be Jade's girlfriend, yet Jade insisted on carrying on as if she was still in a relationship with her ex!

Something burned her heart, as she got out of the car and slammed the door, hard.

Jade did not love her. She was abusing her.

Eliza had put up with the behavior for six years. She was determined not to put up with it tonight.

They were only in the club for two minutes when Jade said,

"You're buying, Eliza!"

Eliza was fuming. She had to buy the drinks every time they went out.

"Can't you buy for a change, Jade?" Eliza told her.

Jade stamped her feet on the ground, and knocked Eliza's purse out of her hand, while Lou just laughed at her. Eliza picked it up and bought the drinks in a bid to save her from embarrassment.

"I and Lou will dance now, while you guard the drinks," Jade instructed her, followed by, "Tidy your hair. You look ridiculous."

Eliza decided that she had taken more than enough. She left the drinks, and stepped onto the dance floor, joining a group of young women and men. One of the women started flirting with her, and she grabbed her and kissed her hard, making sure that Jade was looking.

Jade looked horrified.

She stomped her way out of the club, and Eliza followed, wanting to know what she had to say for herself.

"Why are you here, you dirty little whore?" Jade asked her.

Eliza finally spoke up.

"I'm a whore? You dance and flirt with Lou like you are still with her, yet you have the cheek to call me a whore!"

Jade stared at her, silently.

"You tell me how to dress, behave, and boss me around like I am your dog on a lead!" Eliza continued.

Jade shrugged her shoulders as tears fell down her face.

"I'm sorry, but you didn't have to kiss her," she told Eliza.

"But you kiss Lou and treat her better than me. Get it together Jade, I'm supposed to be your girlfriend!"

Jade couldn't stand up anymore. She collapsed to the floor, sobbing. After crying for over ten minutes, she grabbed Eliza's leg, and asked,

"Is this really me?"

Eliza cried like she had never cried before, and said,

"I don't know. I haven't known for the last four years out of the six we have been together. When we first met, you were sweet, kind, caring, loving, and you never tried to change me. Now...well, it's like living with someone else, and not Jade. You need help."

Jade walked away silently.

"Where are you going?" Eliza cried.

"I can't do this anymore," Jade told her, between sobs.

Eliza felt lost. She did not see Jade for five years after that. The next time she saw Jade, she was holding hands with Lou, and she was treating her in the same way that she treated her when they were together.

Eliza had taken more than she could stand. She had built herself a great job, and new friends, and turned down a young woman who she had the potential to build something new with because of her feelings for Jade.

Something had to change, and she knew that would not happen if Jade walked back into her life, so she chose to be cruel to be kind.

She walked away for the final time, in silence; realizing she had to take care of herself, while Jade had to learn to help herself.