Fiction logo

Instructions Included

Please Read All Instructions

By David E. PerryPublished 17 days ago Updated 15 days ago 3 min read

On behalf of Dewy Lovem & Howe, I would like to thank you for your new purchase. I really hope you really enjoy your new product and with the D.L.H. standards, we are confident that you will.

We take great pride in everything that our company produces. Our products are found in almost every country in the world. 10 Million 5-star reviews proves that what we make is top of the line. When you order from us, you can be sure that you are ordering the best. We are so sure that our products are the best, that we are offering a 200% money back guarantee if there are any manufactory defects. Please register your product at https://****.com. You can get a guarantee on an unregistered product. You man also use snail mail to send the following information:

Mr. / Mrs. / Ms. / Miss / etc. ____________________

First Name: ____________________

Middle Initial: ____________________

Sr / Jr / etc. ____________________

Street Address: ____________________

City: ____________________

State: ____________________

Zip Code: ____________________

County: ____________________

Country: ____________________

Home Phone Number: ____________________

Cell Phone Number: ____________________

Work Number: ____________________

Last 4 of SSN: ____________________

First 5 of SSN: ____________________

Mother’s name: ____________________

Father’s name: ____________________

Mother’s maiden name: ____________________

Paternal Grandmother: ____________________

Paternal Grandfather: ____________________

Maternal Grandmother: ____________________

Maternal Grandfather: ____________________

Highest level of education: ____________________

Item Model Number: ____________________

Item SN: ____________________

Item Name: ____________________

Place of Purchase: ____________________

Purchase Date: ____________________

Purchase Time: ____________________

Gift for someone: (Y/N) ____________________

Gift from someone: (Y/N) ____________________

Reason for purchase: ____________________

If any part of this form is filled out incorrectly or left blank, your guarantee may be effected. If a paper copy is sent and any portion of this form is illegible, your guarantee may be effected. If you don’t register, your guarantee will be effected. Money back guarantee do not apply to drops, spills, smashed, crushed, burned, or soaked items.

We are legally obliged to give you these warnings:

1. Do not use if you can’t read these warnings.

2. Do not use while sleeping.

3. Do not use while showering or bathing.

4. Do not use while driving.

5. Do not use while sitting on the toilet.

6. Do not use while walking.

7. Do not use while swimming.

8. Do not use while climbing Mount Everest.

9. Do not put in microwave.

10. Do not put in oven.

11. Do not put in BBQ grill.

12. Do not submerge in water while plugged up.

13. Do not submerge in water while unplugged.

14. Do not cut cord with knife.

15. Do not use after cord has been cut.

16. Do not plug up after cord has been cut.

17. Do not touch exposed wires of cord after it’s been plugged up.

18. Do not allow others to touch exposed wires.

19. Do not ignore these warnings.

20. For a full list of warnings, please visit our website.

To use item:

1. Please read all instructions before use.

2. Open the box.

3. Remove item from box.

4. Discard box.

5. Remove foam packaging.

6. Discard foam packaging.

7. Remove all red tape.

8. Discard all red tape.

9. Place item close enough to an electrical outlet to be plugged up.

10. Plugged cord into the outlet.

11. Make sure you plugged up the correct cord.

12. Place can on base of device.

13. Pull lever to lock can on base.

14. Press button to turn on device.

15. Wait for can to stop spinning.

16. Remove can.

17. Your can has been opened.

18. Press release button to release lid.

19. Carefully dispose of lid.

20. Do not cut yourself, or anyone else, with lid.

If you follow all of these warnings and instructions and something still goes wrong, please feel free to return the item. For items with minor or no damage, there will be a $50 restocking fee. If you are requesting a replacement, there will be a $25 shipping and handling fee. If we determine that you have not followed these guidelines, we will keep the item and charge you a $500 fine.

Thank you for your purchase.

James Dewy

CEO

HumorMicrofictionShort Story

About the Creator

David E. Perry

Writing gives me the power to create my own worlds. I'm in control of the universe of my design. My word is law. Would you like to know the first I ever wrote? Read Sandy:

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2026 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.