I Killed Them All

The cold sweeps around me tossing my hair as I sit in this wasteland. Corpses litter the ground around me with their haunting disfigured faces. The faces of human and beasts alike. Oh, how I envy them. They remember nothing. Not how the blood pour from their nose and eyes, how when we realized the chemical warfare it was all too late, the chaos that took over. Friends and family you have known your whole life became enemies infected. Mayhem took us over and separated us, turn us into animals. A shiver cross over me. Those are the things that you are glad is over. The memories before the world turned to shit. “Can’t think about that” I say aloud to myself.

Everything is abundant here. Food, clothes, shelter, water, guilt. I have traveled a lot in search of the hope of other survivors. None so far and I have traveled from Alabama to North Dakota. I have always wanted to travel and see more of the country, but not like this. It looks like the other survivors lost their minds before me. I have walked into house with men and women strung up by their necks. I could see the where loved ones have shot each other and then killed themselves. The most horrific one was a boy of about 8. He has dark brown hair, black in the shadows, and foxlike features. He was sitting and facing the wall while what appears to be his mother laying across him. She had the same foxlike features, but light-colored hair. Her mouth was opened, and his head was blown out the back of her skull. His was through the top and threw his body. She must have put the gun in her mouth and laid her head atop of his when she pulled the trigger. Living with the guilt of killing him no matter the reason was too much to bear.

My hand grips tightly around the locket in my pocket. I push forward and out of the freezing atmosphere and into a hotel on the corner. I no longer go into homes because of all the dread that still lives within those walls. It is like the homes became a breeding ground for the emotions that was lastly felt in them.

My ears perk up. I hear giggling and I see movement out of the corner of my eye. I race towards the movement, but no one is there. How long have I been alone? There is no reason to keep up with the days now. “You have been alone too long and it’s just hallucinations, keep it together Jessie.” I say to myself and to the wind. I feel a hand on my stomach. A small hand, a hand of a child. When I look down, I see a small girl with golden blonde hair, grey eyes and a dimple in her chin. “Are you my mother?” the child asked. She was dirty and clothed in rags. I knelt down and embraced her. I whispered softly, “no sweety, I am not, but maybe we could go look for her together.” I closed my eyes in contentment, just so relieved to not be the only person. When I opened my eyes, she was gone.

I begin to panic. Was she real or not? If she were could she be in danger? I go and look outside and see if there are any footprints in the snow. There was none. I ran back into the hotel. How long has it been since I have slept or eaten? I rush up the stairs to look for a place to sleep. This place looks almost untouched. I find a room and close the shades. The power still works and the room is warm. And I close my eyes and drift instantly to sleep.

But rest doesn’t find me. I hear a woman’s high pitched voice. “Doctor, I think she has been in there long enough. You know what isolation can do to the mind.” Then I hear another voice much deeper a man’s voice. “she deserves everything she gets at this point, nurse. How could she…” They are too far away and everything fades away.

I wake up and it’s dark outside. I get a can of kidney beans out of my bag and a bottle of water. Food is abundant, but it has to be prepackaged. Whatever the chemical was poisoned all life. Yet, here I am. I take out the locket out. It is a golden heart shaped locket with a red ruby in the middle. It was a gift from my kids on my birthday two years ago. It is the only personal item I have kept with me since this all happened. I open the locket with great hesitation and there they are, my children. There bright and happy faces smile back at me. “I miss ya’ll so much!” I whisper cry. Tears run down my cracked smudged face. “GOD” I scream out! “Why leave me here?” I cry so hard that it ripples through my body. I run outside pulling my jacket off along the way. The cold bits at my bare flesh and I slam my head down into the concrete. “I don’t want to remember anymore!” I scream into the wind. I fall to my knees. “No more memories” I whisper to myself. The memories of watching their faces going into the water. Watching them fight me for air. Watching them fight no more and the light fade from their eyes. “No more” I whisper. And I slam my head down again. I can feel the warm blood drip across my face. I do it repeatedly until I don’t remember anymore.

The doctor and nurse walk in a bare dark room and looks at Mrs. Lewis. “She is here because she killed her kids because of insanity.” The male doctor states. “If crazy is what she wants then it’s what she gets.” He chuckles. She has been locked up alone for 72 hours. “Mrs.Lewis, your lunch is here.” The nurse says sweetly. I look up at them. They look back into my hallow eyes. “I did it” I say almost drunkly. “I killed them all.”