How to Practice Magic Without Your Wizard Knowing

How to Practice Magic Without Your Wizard Knowing

Crafting Your Wizard’s Schedule

Knowledge is key! But just knowing is only part of managing your wizard’s schedule. As the apprentice, it is up to you to help create your wizard’s routine. How, you ask? An excellent question. Let me break it down for you. Beware though! Don’t try implementing all these schedule changes at once or your wizard will become suspicious. Slide them in one-by-one, slowly, with precision.

1) Wake your wizard early – You don’t want your wizard sleeping in too late. Make sure to rouse your wizard early enough so the desire for sleep will set in earlier as well. Yes, it means less sleep for you but trust me. It’s only temporary. Some sacrifices must be made for the advancement of your learning. Once you’re in control of your wizard’s full schedule, it will all work out.

2) Give your wizard lots to drink – Keep your wizard hydrated. Bathroom breaks are key to sneaking glimpses at the spell books. These are your opportunities to take notes you couldn’t take otherwise. The more frequent the trips for relief, the more details you will be able to write down. Keep your ear open though. You do not want your wizard to walk in on you scouring the spellbooks without permission. Having your precious notes torn up hurts, especially if your wizard takes it in mind to search your room for any unauthorized knowledge. The extra chores that will prevent you from having time to observe any and all magic only adds salt to the wound. You do not want to have to start all over again, so listen for your wizard’s footsteps.

3) Ask stupid questions at inopportune times – Be careful with this one. You don’t want to ask anything that will completely piss off your wizard. You also don’t want to come off as an imbecile. The purpose of asking stupid questions at inopportune times is throwing your wizard just slightly off balance. In the middle of learning a complex incantation? Ask something about the language being used. Your wizard will have to stop to explain it to you and then start the incantation over again. This aids in draining mental energy throughout the day.

4) Drain your wizards energy with tasks – You want to make sure your wizard will be exhausted by day’s end. Activities you add into the schedule will greatly depend on your wizard, so make sure you know your wizard’s interests. Some examples might include:

a. Finding new and exciting magics in the ancient tomes of the decrepit library you have to dust every day anyway.

b. Hunting out new ingredients for experimentation when you’re out running errands.

c. Either putting out wanted adds to nearby royals for damsels in distress, or kidnapping suitable young virgins to keep around the tower as additional irritants. For this one, be EXTREMELY careful. If your wizard knows you did this, you WILL suffer a horrifying consequence limited only by your wizard’s imagination. Trust me on that one. Your best hope is if your wizard is dull or slow. So, one option would be to bribe local thugs or miscreants to kidnap and dump a maiden at the doorstep of the tower. Or, if you happen to know any monsters looking for a bit of fun, you could entice them to do your dirty work. The fae are particularly prone to mischief, but enlisting their help could result in an inconvenience for you, so be wary.

5) Sneak a sleeping draught into your wizard’s evening drink – Be it brandy, tea, or a concoction of your wizard’s own creation, find a subtle sleep aid to incorporate. If you add too much or something too strong, it will be noticed. If noticed, have a good excuse. “I noticed you seem overworked recently, so I thought this might help you rejuvenate.” “You just seem stressed about this new spell. A good night’s sleep will help your brain think more critically in a new day.” Or whatever you think your wizard would like to hear. Say the wrong thing or come without an excuse, and it will probably result in a flogging. That only makes your regular workload that much harder, making it more difficult to manage your wizard’s schedule. Tread with caution.

6) Run a hot bath before bed – Use this one sparingly. If you use too much magic for hot water too often, your wizard will punish you. Save this for days when your wizard seems particularly grouchy or unwilling to relax. Once weekly is generally the maximum a wizard will accept without getting angry. Unless you work for a pampered princess of a wizard. In that case, have a mini spa ready for them as often as needed. For your wizard’s hot bath, maybe add a scented candle or two. You should have been taught enough basic magic to create such. If your wizard is suspicious, simply say it’s one of the simpler magics you felt was within your current limitations to master. That excuse should appease any wizard mentor. While your wizard is bathing, get a dry bathrobe, nightgown, and slippers ready. Turn down the bedcovers. Have a hot water bottle ready to place under the mattress. If you are musical, play some gentle music to help lull your wizard into zen.

7) Get your wizard to bed early – On days when there is no bath, be sure to prep your wizard’s room. Have the bed turned down, the hot water bottle ready, and a nightgown laid out. During your regular chores, make sure to keep your wizard’s bedroom cleaned and decluttered. Clean space, clean mind. And make sure the curtains are drawn. If it’s cold, light the hearth. Make sure the room is cozy and inviting.

If you can create your wizard’s schedule so that they’re exhausted early, more power to you. Literally. If your wizard goes to bed early enough, you have that much more time to practice your own magic skills. You’ve been taught some things, and you’ve been observing your wizard when allowed, so put that study to practice! But be careful. Choose your magic studies carefully. Anything too loud or too extreme will probably wake your wizard. Not only will you suffer the wrath of an angry mentor who disapproves of your disobedience, but also the fury of a wizard woken up rudely in the middle of the night. Especially since you worked so hard to make sure of exhaustion. An exhausted wizard will NOT thank you for unsolicited midnight disturbances. I will say, a week locked in the Tower of Disrepair without suppers is a light punishment.

I hope this short manual will help young apprentices everywhere hone their skills. And may your wizard be impressed by your rapid growth instead of suspicious. There are only so-n-so many wizards with available apprenticeships open. So bear that in mind. If you find yourself without a wizard, see my short guide titled, How to Land a Job as a Wizard's Apprentice, or, The Subtle Art of Embellishment to Get What You Want.

Good luck to you all!