Horrible Traumas Caused By My Own Grandma

Hi, I am Hanna. Let me tell you about my childhood traumas caused by my own grandma .

I was a happy and lovely girl until my nanny left. I was a happy and lovely little sweet girl from Bosa, Italy. My dad is a police officer and my mom is a doctor. Both of them have to work 24/7 and come back home late at night. Ever since I was born, I lived with my nanny most of the time. But that's okay. I loved her and we had a strong bond. And plus, I loved waiting for my parents from home. Even though they were busy, they always found some time for me and bought little presents or snacks from work since they knew it was hard for me to live alone with just my nanny most of my days.

But those loving days were over once one phone call came in. One day, my nanny called my parents and said she couldn't come after this month because of her family issues. My mom broke that news to me and then, they started to find another nanny. I was around 6 at that time. Then, they made a decision of me living with my grandparents and my uncle in Rome. Since my grandparents lived near a primary school there, it would also be convenient for me to go to school. I have never met my grandparents before.

At the end of that month, one day, my parents packed all my things, told me to go on a trip to our granny's house and told me to be a nice little girl. I was sad to leave my parents but also excited to see my grandparents who are from my mom's side.

When we arrived, they welcomed us nicely and warmly. My parents stayed with me till night on that day and left the next morning. I cried when my parents left, I wasn't thinking much, just felt sad seeing them leaving. That made my grandma so mad and she turned into another person. She said I was annoying and scolded me from crying. The more she scolded, the more I cried.

Ever since that day, my days became nightmares. She tortured me not physically though but with words and mentally. Like, she kicked my toys and told me that she would throw them away if I wasn't good. She hated when I cried and every time I cried, she locked me in the dark storeroom. She opened the door until I stopped crying. And also, one time, while I was showering, she locked the door from outside because I was showering too long. Whenever the door is locked, my anxiety goes up and I start to knock on the door and try to open it in any way that I can. So, that's why I became afraid of the door being shut.

And worst of all is she makes no one in the house to not speak with me for days when I did something she didn't like. She even got mad when I moved her things. Because of these, I was always afraid of being left out. I was just a kid and all I knew was what I did wrong and tried to talk to everyone in the house. I grew up with the fear of the dark and being left out instead of growing up with love, care and warm cookies.

My parents visited me every weekend though. But I couldn't tell them. Because, I am afraid that when my grandma knew I told them about her, she would get even more mad. I was so afraid and lived my childhood with fear and anxiety. I also grew up with the fear of my parents leaving me since I had to watch every weekend watching them leaving.

Because of all these traumas, I become someone who will leave me and not talk to me. I become a needy person. Some of my friends and partners even left me, they said I am too needy and insecure. But now, I am happy and working on my traumas. I am surrounded by people who love me and understand my traumatized childhood. But one day, I hope I can forgive my grandma even though she is a terrible person, she is still my grandma.