Happy Birthday, Scary Teddy

Scary Teddy got his name from the one who praised his cuddles while simultaneously recognizing his murderous tendencies. He thought about that as he sharpened one of his many knives, twirling it in his paw and expertly casting it from him with the flick of his furry wrist.

The blade sliced into the heart of a nearby tree over the initials S.T. + A.B.

When he named her, he had only thought about the way she brought warmth to his little cold heart. He never felt closer to Heaven than when they were together. But as quickly as she came into his life, she disappeared.

Her unseen presence still haunted his dreams. He thought about that old Owl’s tale—that when you dream of someone, it’s because they are thinking of you. He doubted it was true.

Gathering up his few belongings, Scary Teddy hit a few buttons on his handheld controller and sauntered away from the campsite that held his last memories of A.B.

He thought of the heart carved into the old oak. The photos of their time together. The little trinkets she had given him. Even the music box. They meant the world to him.

All the more reason they should burn.

Once he was a safe enough distance away, Scary Teddy put on his sunglasses and hit one last button. A massive explosion threatened to rupture his eardrums, but even as the heat radiated off his furry back in atomic proportions, Scary Teddy simply adjusted the strap of the rifle on his shoulder and kept on walking.

“Come in, S.T. Do you copy?”

Scary Teddy put his walkie to his snout.

“I copy, Foxy. What’s your ten?”

“Half a mile out. I see the flames.”

“Let it rain,” he said.

Right on time, he heard the roar of the chopper and gave Foxy a nod as she brought down the deluge. The cackling of flames behind him quieted to a simmer and the air around him filled with smoke.

There. Now the Forest Rangers would get off his back.

Hippy bastards.

So he burned down fifty acres of forest before his rage was satisfied. So what? He planted new trees, didn’t he?

“Fire’s out. You ready to be beamed up?”

Scary Teddy chuckled darkly. “Thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll walk.”

“Suit yourself. See you back at headquarters.”

The helicopter disappeared in the distance.

The trek back down the mountain would take him the rest of the day, but he didn’t mind it. For him, rigorous exercise felt like a walk in the park.

He readjusted the mountain pendant around his neck. He wanted to be like the mountain. Strong. Unwavering. A peaceful fortress able to weather any storm. He always seemed to fail, but despite every mistake, he had faith.

The wind picked up, droplets of water falling like a sudden sheet over his lethal yet cuddly frame. He lifted the hood of his jacket and made his way under a big tree.

More painful than every training or time in enemy territory, it was A.B.—sweet, gentle A.B.—that hurt him worse of all. He should’ve known better than to let her in. He had never been more vulnerable than in her arms.

The image of her big brown eyes caused a dull ache in his chest. He cursed under his breath, hating himself for conjuring her up again.

Leaning his head back against the tree trunk, he quieted, focusing only on the sound of falling rain. After a few minutes, his chest rose in deep sleep, his face finally relaxing.

Scary Teddy’s mind filled again with her warmth.

In his dreams, he couldn’t deny he loved her.

This one was so real, he hoped he wouldn’t wake up for a long time.

He reached for her as she made her way toward him, holding a lit-up cupcake in her paws.

“Happy Birthday, Scary Teddy. Make a wish.”

He jolted awake.

The woods around him were empty. But her voice seemed to echo in his ears. Had he really dreamt her?

Sunlight broke through the clouds, bringing him back to reality. He shook his head, gathered up his things again, and resumed his hike.

He vowed not to return to these woods again. The atmosphere was electric with her essence. No. He could leave no room for her in his heart. Not the way she had been. Scary Teddy knew he had to let her go.

Surely she had found peace away from him. Surely she was glad it was over between them. Surely she had forgotten.

And so would he, he reasoned. He had been through heartbreak before. He could do it again.

He once prayed that one day he would enter a world where he and A.B. could be together again without saying goodbye. He couldn’t think that way now.

Snap.

Scary Teddy lifted his rifle and crouched low to the ground, heart pounding, and listened for more, even as his heartbeat threatened to undo his stitching.

“Hello?”

What was this feeling? This hope?

He didn’t know why his lips uttered the word, but before he could stop himself, he said:

“Angel?”

Hearing nothing else after a few minutes, Scary Teddy re-focused on what lay ahead, marching on.

He thought he imagined the faint scent of cupcakes but didn’t notice the sprinkling of glitter beneath his feet.

From behind a nearby tree, Angel Bear emerged. She knew he would not look back again.

Tears streamed down her soft cheeks. As cruel as it seemed to stay hidden, she knew she couldn’t risk hurting him more.

She wiped her tears away and blessed every step that led him away from her. Every step that created space for him to heal.

She had memorized his form, could still feel his touch. She had drowned herself in the depth of his eyes, had lost herself in the memory of his smile. But he deserves a love that will never fail.

“Promise me,” she wanted to call out to him. “Promise me you won’t give up, Scary Teddy.”

He was out of sight now.

What mattered is that he was out there, somewhere, breathing. He would sing songs she would never hear and have adventures she would never share, and that was okay, so long as he was okay.

She missed their friendship, the sound of his voice, the gentleness in his eyes despite his tough exterior. Greater still than her sadness, she was overcome with gratitude for what they once shared. Something beautiful and rare.

“Happy Birthday, Scary Teddy,” she whispered. “I will never regret loving you.”

The wind, which until this moment had been whistling in her ears, stood still. She listened for his footsteps in the distance, but he was gone—really, truly gone.

Loneliness threatened to choke her, and the urge to run down the mountain, to close the distance between them, became almost unbearable. She sank to her knees and prayed for strength.

“What is love?” whispered the mountain.

The question hung in the air.

“Love is patient,” said Angel Bear, turning toward the peak. “It is kind.” Her voice was wobbly, but her mind was clear. “Love is not selfish,” she said, gaining strength with every purposeful step toward the top.

“What is love?” whispered the mountain into Scary Teddy’s ears.

“Love bears all things,” he responded between breaths. “Believes all things.”

Angel Bear was smiling as she picked her way up the mountain. “Love hopes all things, endures all things.”

“Love never fails,” whispered the mountain.

“Love never fails,” they agreed.

And so, without even knowing it, though now miles apart, their hearts were once again united in love.

The right kind, this time.

And it would never fail.