Friendly Stranger

“Im just tired of wanting more.. I guess.” Not knowing my own emotions has never been something odd for me, and I believe he knew that. He as in the only friendly smile I’ve ever known, he has in the only man I’ve ever truly trusted. Oddly enough, for such an important person with such a high impact on me, I can’t remember his name.

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting more, unless you want something that harms others.” His voice sounds as calm and soft as ever, and I can’t help but admire his peace. This faceless man standing only feet away from my grasp, looking into the endless deep ocean without fear. “Why do you always come here?”

I pause, and look past the rocky decend, studying each sharp stone all the way down to the unforgiving waves. “Honestly? I couldn’t give an answer that makes sense.” The waves crash harshly against the jagged stone bellow, as if trying to take my hand. The stranger looks back at the water, admiring its beauty, as I admire its wrath. “Does anything in this word really make sense Jules..?” I hear his soft footsteps come closer, but I step away, not taking my eyes from the water. His approach stops, and he waits for my responce.

“Its familiar.”

. . .

“Have you been taking your medication correctly?” I stare outside into the pounding rain, the thunder rumbling inside my body like a soothing melody. “Medicine? Sorry, I think you have the wrong client.”

“Jully, I’m being serious.. I can’t adjust your dosage unless your telling me what I need to know.” My body feels restless in this old leather chair, or maybe it’s the stare my therapist is giving me. Regardless of the cause, I stand and stretch. “Yes, I’m taking the drugs. I don’t need the dosage changed, what I need is sleep. Can I go?” I shift my eyes towards her pail green ones, and I can’t tell if they are filled with annoyance or concern. “Yes, that’s fine, but.. one more thing.” She then places her notes down on the stained table next to her, making sure I don’t see what’s written in the pages of my fate. “Have you managed to find use in any of the coping mechanisms we went over?”

I stifle a sigh and look back out into the rain. “I’ve found my own.” I can almost feel the silence clogging the air in the room around us before she finally asks, almost cautiously. “Can you tell me about them?” It isn’t long before I decide that’s my exit que, and I walk out of the room, barely processing her words as she quickly calls after me. “Don’t forget, same time next week!” Of course, same time next week. My heart seems to throb silently as my feet carry me out of the lonely building. Such a strange place for therapy, out by the oceans shore.

. . .

The lid pops off the bottle of pills that make me sane. Is that right? These make me sane..? Or do they take away what makes me think I’m not? My eyes slowly drag to the mirror above my bathroom sink, locking eyes with a face I used to call mine. Now, the dark hair and dark blue eyes seem foreign surrounded by dark circles of restless nights and sharp cutting edges of hunger. The woman this face used to belong to was headstrong and nothing but joyful, and I’ve managed to stain what was once perfect and beautiful with the residue of what I am today. I used to be ashamed, but I have no place to hate beauty that was never truly mine. Not this version of me, this version of me has molded a goddess who was taken for granted.

I miss that goddess.

“She’s still here, ya know.” My gaze lifts to see my familiar stranger behind me, his black hood gently draped over his soft brown hair. Oddly enough, surprise visits from him wasn’t startling or scary, in fact, it was more soothing than any coping that therapist had prescribed. My dry lips ached as I argued. “She died when I came here, and she will never return.” I paused for a moment. “Is it strange I can’t even remember where here is?”

”Its normal actually.. most people don’t figure it out for many centuries. Here, follow me.” He turns and walks out of the bathroom, and gently opens my old creaky door, leading out towards the water. It doesn’t take much convincing, and I’m walking out following behind. He leads me to the edge of the cold salt water, and we sit in silence, just out of reach of the waves. It feels like hours pass before I speak. “How long have I been here?”

”long enough to know it’s not home.” He says softly, watching the seagulls fly not far above us. More time passes before the silence is interrupted again. “Did you take that medicine?” I look down at my thin fingers, looking over what used to be beautiful soft skin. “No, I didn’t. I’m tired of taking it, especially when it doesn’t even help..” I paused. “I just wanna go home.” A smile crosses his pail lips, and he stands holding a hand out to me. “I think your ready.”

He has offered me his hand many times before, but I was never able to grasp what looked so comforting. Today was different, and I finally took his hand in mine, standing side by side with him. A sudden calm slowly took over my body as he led me towards the dark, angry sea. While hand in hand, the ocean finally seemed calmer, not as angry, and for the first time since I had arrived at this strange place, I stepped into the cold water.

Yet, the water wasn’t actually cold, it was the warmest, most comforting sensation I’ve ever felt. Peace overwhelmed me as tears filled my eyes, and my friendly stranger smiled almost adoringly at my joy. With a gentle wave of his hand, what seemed to be a mirror Was formed from the waves. Not only was I shocked by his actions, but the person I saw looking back at me.

My goddess. I was beautiful. Long, black, full hair draped over my shoulders, my skin seemed to glow in perfection. I looked over at my stranger in awe, just to see him smiling at me in such kindness, slowly taking off his hood to reveal beautiful blue eyes, shimmering just like the ocean. MY ocean. He studied me closely as he spoke. “Your beauty has always shown brightly, Jules. In life, you felt pain, and your guilt hid your heart from the truth.” Unsure how to process what he was saying, I looked ahead at the beautiful, now light blue ocean waves. “I’ve got to ask.. what is your name?” A slight smile shown on his lips as he looked out at the waves with me, thinking for just a moment. “I’d prefer to be called your friend.”

I slowly nodded as all my past memories seemed to dance inside the waves ahead like a movie. I see children with my eyes and hair laughing and playing, so youthful, and I finally see what I could never remember. “There was a wreck..?” I ask my stranger, who nods in agreement. “A wreck that you blamed yourself for for many, many years. It’s time to forgive, Jules. Your family’s waiting.” Comfort filled my broken heart as I slowly walked into the deep, comforting waves. He was right, it hadn’t been my fault, and I was ready to go home. Yet, home for you may be different than for me. Home was in the arms of my family, who was waiting on the other side. Im finally ready. Comfort filled my body as I felt myself fading into a place where pain no longer existed, and I heard my strangers voice one last time.

”Enjoy peace, and goodnight.”