Free Market Man
Defender of Cash, Profit, and the Laissez Faire Way
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***
It was another evening patrolling the skies, scanning for threats to red-, white-, and blue-blooded Americans everywhere.
Though it wasn’t normal to have so many white blood cells.
Fortunately, Free Market Man knew his citizens were shielded by one of America’s finest innovations: private healthcare. As he scanned the regional hospital with his x-ray vision, he smiled at the sight of all the everyday heroes hard at work.
Yes, the administrators, accountants, and billings professionals ensuring that the corporatized hospital conglomerate continued to maximize shareholder value.
All while minimizing costs like excessive staffing, underworked doctors, and flashy up-to-date equipment.
Free Market Man smiled as another elderly freeloader was denied coverage under Medicare.
Smiled, that was, until his sense of calm was shattered as the Invisible Hand, his sixth sense, buzzed.
Somewhere out there, supply-side economics are in trouble!
Below, his latest foe reared its ugly head: a clothing donation drive.
Trained by his mentor Adam Smith in classical liberalism, Free Market Man knew one thing to be true: where there was a demand, the free market would create the supply, thus providing for the common good.
“And profit. Can’t forget profit,” Adam was always quick to add.
Therefore, why would anyone give away anything for free unless there was no demand?
And if there was no demand, then no common good. Which left only one conclusion:
These so-called “do-gooders” were…
EVIL!
This all reeked of Free Market Man’s latest battle with his long-time nemesis, The Public Librarian.
Fortunately, the answer to both villains was the same as Free Market Man's eyes glowed red.
Another foe of capitalism vanquished with his heat vision, Free Market Man took a well-deserved swig of water. He tossed the plastic bottle in his wake as he flew onto his next battle with the legion of doom known as the United Auto Workers.
About the Creator
Stephen A. Roddewig
Author of A Bloody Business and the Dick Winchester series. Proud member of the Horror Writers Association 🐦⬛
Also a reprint mercenary. And humorist. And road warrior. And Felix Salten devotee.
And a narcissist:
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Comments (6)
Excellent satire 👏🏾 Scathing, but done in a humorous way. “All while minimizing costs like excessive staffing, underworked doctors, and flashy up-to-date equipment.”- loved this line.
Lol I haven’t read a good satire in a long time, and this one was brilliant. Great job, Stephen
Lol... FreeMarket Man needs to learn how to recycle! Bad FreeMarket man...bad. All that aside, I did understand the satire and the greedy reality of big business. And don't go giving him any ideas to run for president, can you Imagine haha. Cool entry, Stephen!
Ouch. Yeah...like Matthew...this is kinda hateful but also wonderful. As all good satire should be. Funny enough that you can't deny it, but with that hideous edge of reality that reminds you "OMG, this is our reality" Although we don't have the same issues over here, it constantly comes up and the NHS for all its glories has lots of issues on the other side of things - lack of funding! Anyway, sir, I doth my cap to you over this perfect slice of scathing satire.
I hate this and I love this all at the same time...
Still processing all the avenues of this story Stephen, very insightful and thought provoking for me! I like that it has this realistic application. Nicely done!