Forgive me

I was walking around his room tears blurring my vision wondering if I should just come back later.

When I turned around to go to the closet I got yanked forward by my waist

"Let me go" I sobbed arms limp at my sides

I felt weak...5 fucking years down the drain.

"Baby-"

"Don't FUCKING call me that Jay" I said trying to push at his chest. He wouldn't move...he wouldn't budge

"Jay please... please move"

He pulled back a little and looked into my eyes with tears dripping down his face

"Akilles-"

"Jus- please..."

He clenched his jaw

"Your not leaving Akilles"

"Who the fuck are you 2 tell me I'm not leaving?"

"Yo Nigga"

I scoffed tears rolling down my face "not anymore"

"Fuck you mean by that"

"What the hell do you think I mean by that Jay...we're over."

I looked towards him...his posture was weak.

"But...I love you" he whispered

I started crying harder hearing him say that, but I didn't respond

I heard him walk out of the room and all the way downstairs. I had to ease myself not to breakdown right Fuckin than and their.

Jay is...was my highschool sweetheart. We've been together for 5 years. I went out of town for a week to go see my family. When I came back it was supposed to be a Surprise

But when I walked in the house...

I grabbed the rest of my shit and walked downstairs to see him sitting in the couch. When he heard me come downstairs he instantly got up

"Please don't go" he tried to pull me in by my waist again, but I somehow had the strength to slap his hand away.

"You fucking cheated on me Jay...a-and you want me to s-stay" my lip started trembling again

The plan was to compose myself until I got out of the house...but it hurt...so much

"I know...I'm so fucking sorry Akilles. I don't have an excuse just please" he stepped towards me wrapping his arms around me

I looked to the side clenching my jaw

"Jay move."

"No"

"What do you want from me?!" I asked my voice breaking

"Your forgiveness"

"Fuck you" I sobbed

He stepped back, eyes watering...

I fucking wish I could stay. Wish I could fall back into his arms crying. I couldn't do that to myself I knew I had to leave.

I walked towards him and pulled his face down towards me for one last kiss.

His arms instantly went around my waist pulling me closer. My hand resting lightly on his cheek. The kiss tasted of salty tears from the both of us.

I pulled away looking him into the eyes one more time before walking towards the door. Before the door fully closed I heard sobbing

Making all my tears come rushing back. I ordered a Uber back to my best friends place, or roommate. When I got there I fell right into her arms.

"It's okay..."

I stayed quiet not knowing what to do with the horrible ache in my chest. My heart...hurt

"I know how it feels baby...all you can do is let time heal it"

I remember when I comforted her when she and her long distance boyfriend mutually decided to break up. The long distance was to hard on them. She still loves him, I believe he still loves her.

Maybe right person wrong time.

———

2 weeks later

I was still very much depressed. I didn't have the balls to block Jay when I got home so every day I got these messages from him

219-457-8201: goodmorning Akilles I love you

219-457-8201: I can't say it enough how fuckn sorry I am

219-457-8201: I hate myself...I'm a mess without you

219-457-8201: im sorry

219-457-8201:goodmorning🖤

219-457-8201: I miss you...

219-457-8201: im sorry I hurt you

219-457-8201: you have every right to ignore me jus please...I need to see you.

219-457-8201: hey baby

219-457-8201: 😢

"For a hood Nigga he sholl is a simp" kayonna laughed from behind me reading over my shoulder

I smiled a bit

"So you gonna go see him" she asked

"You know I can't because-"

"If you do you Gon fall...I know baby, but maybe that's okay?"

I got a bit defensive

"He fucking cheated on me Kay?"

"I know...but you'd be shocked luv. My momma and daddy cheated on each other so many times before they finally settled down. I know a lot of people who got cheated on gave that person a chance again and been together ever since"

"So you saying I should give him another chance"

My heart jumped at the thought of seeing him again

"I'm not saying anything...it's all up to you" she kissed my cheek and grabbed her keys

"See you later"

"Mmkay" I replied

I stared at his messages for a good 5 minutes before calling him

*baby?*

"Akilles* but yeah"

*fuck...I missed your voice"

"Mhm."

I wanted to say it back but I felt like I needed to give him hell

*I- how have you been*

"Terrible."

He cleared his throat

*yeah I know...if it makes you feel better I've been a fucking wreck. My boss made me take a personal leave*  he lightly chuckled

Fuck his laugh...

"You want to see me?" I changed the topic

*yes*

"Why?" I questioned

*cause I need you Akilles, and I'm so fucking sorry*

"Okay."

*okay what*

I paused

"I...I want to see you to"

I heard him let out what sounded like a sigh of relief

*when*

"I'm free today"

*can I come over*

I immediately said yes almost sobbing at the thought of me going back there. After we hung up i immediately got to work on my room. The apartment was clean, but my room not so much.

There's a lot of empty buckets of ice cream, candy rappers, and Coca Cola cans. Shit I need to go to the gym.

After I cleaned up I hopped in the shower.

After my shower I put on black sweats, a gray hoodie, and my Nike slides. When the doorbell rung I dropped the Fuckin deodorant panicking

I speed walked to the door tripping over air before finally getting the door unlocked.

Shit im a wreck

I looked into his eyes for the first time in 2 weeks. He looked exhausted heavy bags under his eyes but still as fine as ever.

He smiled at me

"I missed you"

I lightly smiled

"Before we talk c'mere"

I walked to my bedroom hearing him trailing behind me. I laid down on the bed and told him to cmere again

He crawled towards me and collapsed on my chest. I had to pretend that this Nigga wasn't twice my size.

"I'm so fucking tired..."

"I know Jay" I whispered

"Go to sleep it's okay"

I felt him relax into my arms falling asleep instantly. I missed him so fuckin much, but when I look at him...all I can see is him fucking someone else and it hurts.

I tilted my head back urging the tears to go away. How do people forgive them? I want to forgive him so bad...