Failure

The vision of her is everywhere. Try as I might to ignore it, I find that it is not possible. My guilt shines like a beacon for all to see. I deserve this, for what I did or failed to do, it no longer matters. I have to live with my action or inaction.

The truth is I know what I did. The problem is so does everyone else, but for some reason they ignore it. Instead, they taunt me by patting me on my back, offering condolences and buying me drinks to ease my troubled mind. I don't need to be eased I need to be punished.

I see them, whispering behind my back as I walk away, shaking their heads. They say I’m a fool, never to my face. No, they smile when they see me, their words say one thing, but their eyes speak volumes.

Even the law enforcement turned a blind eye, instead of handcuffs they sat down with me and tried to comfort my soul, my betraying soul. I expected push back from the insurance company, surely they would see through this deception, but those hardened bastards paid the policy.

Is everyone fools?

Sure, another is in jail for the crime, but I too should be locked up.

I'm guilty.

I knew he was no good, his smooth words and smile had everyone fooled, but not me. I tried to warn her once but was brushed off and instead of voicing my opinion again, I compromised thinking perhaps I was a father being overprotective. But when he took her away from us we knew. Moving to a place remote and far away so visiting was limited. Her calls became less frequent, facetime nonexistent, as she did not wish for us to see the bruises. Then, no calls for over a week. Our text ignored. He answered once saying she ran off with another man.

Hunters found her body in the brush, not ten miles from their home. Barely buried underneath a pile of dead leaves, she was exposed, alone.

Did she cry out for me to help her?

Why did I not pick her up and bring her home?

I don't need sympathy, I failed to do what we always told her, trust your instinct. None of us did.

So, don't buy me a drink, don't try to comfort me, or offer condolences. Instead, you should look upon me with shame, and disgust. For I failed to do what a father should do, I did not protect her.

I failed.