Eli

Her hair was the color of autumn, an eye-catching sight in the bare hospital room. She was dressed in plain clothing, her milk-colored shift and apron deprived of any color. She sat in the corner barely blending in, her lips reciting the Lord’s Prayer as she had for the last hours. Reciting her eyes fixed on the small child who was buried under clean sheets. His head was as fiery as hers. He slept peacefully, face freckled and his breath shallow. Her mind wandered from the stripped room to the full and lush fields of grain, he was between the corn stalks, frolicking laughter following him as he peeled the cornstocks, making husk mustaches. He’d tap his plushy legs to the hymn at church, refusing to go with the little kids although he was nearly 6 years. She’d grin when he’d try to sit with the women at church, he’d become solemn, nodding his head to every word, but eventually, he'd go along. She remembered when he began to fall ill, she’d stop seeing him laugh.

Their farmhouse in the Lancaster plains was fringed with the lines and lines of corn and grain. They had lived there for such a time before they had him. She met her husband Amos in church; he'd been quiet but devoted to the Gospels and God. She still remembered when he’d call her as he returned from the fields. He’d call “Anna” and she’d go to him with mirth. She’d known that when he died, he’d given Eli to her as a gift from him and God. She birthed Eli in her house, women all around, her blue dress turning purple with blood. She became the only parent to the flushed baby boy born on the Lord's day. She was told to marry but she only had eyes for her child and they stayed together. He’d sit on her feet, tracing her shoes as she’d sew and embroider for her business. In the garden, he’d chase beetles and she enriched the soil in the rich sun.

Her time in the sun was broken by a knock on the door. She stood and fixed her black bonnet in a mirror and walked over to the door. Her puffy eyes followed the motions of the doctor as he explained her son’s ailment, stressing the importance of this day. Her brother-in-law drove her to the hospital, the clouds still caressing the inky twilight stars. The long drive had tired her and seeing Eli bundled in the sheets made her sad. His month of being here had drained him of his golden skin. Her Amish mind was reminded that Eli's fate lies in the Lord and she should be okay if he visited the Lord’s Kingdom, as he’d be with God. But she felt different, she didn’t want Eli to die even if that meant being with God.

The doctor's words came to an end stressing Eli would need a new heart and quickly. He solemnly ended the conversation saying the surgery was extremely expensive topping around $1,300,000. She gasped and excused herself from the room heading towards the chapel. She walked out the door, her mind dragging in despair. When entering, she knelt on the worn soft carpet, her mind burrowed in the light of God. She stayed there for a while, rocking slightly, her dress increasing in wrinkles. The door opened behind her and she felt slightly disturbed by the figure that slithered in. He sat next to her on the floor, in his own praying stance. He reeked of mildew and onions. He seemed to marinate in his clothing, his sweat perfuming the room with heavy odors.

She felt the urge to leave but he stopped her with a wet and soft hand. “Stay,” he said in a sickly tone.

She shuddered, and he turned his face towards her. He had unkempt hair, with a crooked nose like it had been broken many times, and had red inflamed craters on his face. Although his appearance was unnerving, he had an expensive suit.

He brought her close, his jagged nails leaving pocks in her skin, and said “I know your little boy needs money”

He readjusted his grip and licked his stained lips. “I know where you can get money fast. Take this.”

He rose quickly and left the room with a clamor. She massaged the indents in her skin and looked at the cross, its presence filling the room. She picked up the oil-stained bag, holding its edges but then rethought. She felt an inner struggle in herself pulling for the preservation of her son but also keeping her solid faith in God. Would God let this happen to an innocent boy justly? she thought. In a spur of loosening faith, she opened the bag. Inside she found a note.

You can save Eli.

We want a liver, heart, and kidneys on ice.

You’ll be paid. Go to the chapel after.

The words were plain in chicken scratch. She took a deep breath, her heart beating rapidly, and felt the heaviness of the bag. She was sick and felt a rock in her stomach, she couldn’t take another life, not a god-given life. She got up and managed to stumble out of her room towards her son. She reached him, her eyes lost. He was still sleeping in a worldly slumber, she kissed his head and fixed his upturned hair. Sitting in the chair across, weakly reciting the Lord’s prayer, upset and sickness churned in her. Eli turned in the covers, his head ruffling again, his chest rising and starting to increase in speed. She got up in a flurry of worry, her face taunts in fear and her heart in turmoil. She pressed the Call Nurse button, resulting in pressing the button aggressively as he opened his eyes in crazed fear and pain. She was pushed back as the room lit up in sound. Doctors and nurses yelling, carts scratching the floor. She was escorted out of the room trying desperately to reach her son. Pushed back to the doorway by a nurse, she caught a glimpse of pads being attached to his little chest and the deliberator sending shocks into his body as he lurched violently. She felt her eyes fill, and she saw God leave that night.

In the night she knew what she had to do. Kissing Eli before she left, she promised his health and safety and that she’d be back soon. Before leaving she stole a chart of the body, memorizing the organs to perfection, but keeping it in her small front pocket. It was dark and the night colored her dress blue. She was dressed in her white shirt and black apron with her bonnet, she carried a cooler full of ice and a long slim knife. She’d found the knife in the bag, its crevices full of dried dark blood. She didn’t know where to go but remembered the homeless camps she’d seen as her brother-in-law drove her to Eli and started to walk to the camps. As she walked to the nearby homeless camps she wondered where the greasy man had come from and his intentions, she lugged the cooler, her pallid arms weakening. He seemed happy to see her in such a desperate situation, she knew he liked seeing her with an impossible choice. She’d reached the camp just as the sun peaked around the world. She was scared, she didn’t feel God’s anchoring present and so she was unsure. The camp was vast and tents littered the grounds, as well as people. A man with an orange hat was sleeping closest to her, he was covered in a thin tarp and had a cart of items next to him. He was in the outlining area of the camp, his tarp slowly rising and falling. She felt a wave of panic go through her and then felt her body for the bag. The stains of the bag had stained her shift and she felt tears in her eyes realizing her position at this moment. Reading the note again cemented the importance of the action. Her hands were trembling when taking the knife from the bag, but she approached the man. He was sour-smelling as she straddled him. He was still sleeping and she put the edged blade to his throat. She gasped and swallowed quickly as she pressed deeply into his skin and ripped. He opened his bloodshot eyes and stared deeply into hers as the blood bubbled and pooled in the gash. He choked on the blood, and it squirted out his mouth and stained his lips. Her mouth twisted in anguish, and suddenly he kicked her leg out and she felt the wind leave her chest as she landed on the dusted ground. He choked on the ground mere feet as she lay on the ground, her tears watering the dirt. She was covered in blood and earth, her tears blurred the waking sky.

He’d stop moving and her face contorted with pain as she faced his body. It was turning cold, and she felt numb as she undressed the top of him. His jaundice skin was littered with tattoos; military, family, and she felt paralyzed recounting his eyes piercing her as he died. She took the knife and took a deep breath, she looked around quickly, the brush and debris around didn’t show a view. She started to pierce the skin, a swirl of thoughts surrounded her. She’d just killed this man in cold blood... This person was a living, walking, breathing human being and she just snuffed his life out. A life is given by God. She continued to cut, her mind rattling with thoughts. She thought she’d feel squeamish but she remained calm as she pulled back the skin and muscle to the breastplate. She wasn't able to grasp the feeling of his ribs in her hands or the smooth surface of his fat. She wiped the blood on his pants and breathed in short pants as she picked up a nearby rock, in a large lunge she broke his ribs, and watched as the bone covered the organs like lumpy snow. She picked up the jagged pieces in swift motions and then began looking for the organs. She looked into the large cavity of the corpse and became overwhelmed. There were too many organs and she wasn’t sure what to do. Tears were welling in her eyes from the stress, but remembering the diagram she pulled it out. She longed to be home under the warm sun but just thought about if she didn’t do this Eli couldn't come with her. She stumbled over to the cooler, tripping over the man's limp legs and cutting her hand on a nearby rock, she winced and picked the cooler up. She stood and saw a decimated man, his body decapitated and blood oozing down his skin, she felt vomit rising up her throat and pushed it down, lurching over to him again. Using the diagram religiously she used the bloody knife to find the organs, cutting the liver out first. She placed it in the ice, and then gagged and reached for the heart, she cut all the vessels away, it looked small and sad. While looking for the kidneys, she placed them next to the liver. She rooted around in the decaying corpse, the intestines swollen and inflamed. Her nostrils were full of the smell of blood and dying organs. She found the bean-shaped organs next to the spine, they were firmly implanted and she cut away all the remaining flesh and placed them in the cooler. She pulled her head back from the body, she looked different; her white pure clothing now covered in blood and other fluids. She choked, her eyes tearing over the sight of the man and that it was done. She covered the organs vigorously in ice and wiped the knife on the man. She shivered and then searching around him picked his non-stained coat up and put it on to cover her blood-stained apron. She grabbed the frail arms of the limp man and dragged him into a watery ditch struggling. She came back out of the dark and took her cooler and walked back.

The light was coming over the trees now, and she walked as she was dead, her eyes were drooping and she walked slowly. She wore the man's jacket, a long working jacket, russet in color. She managed to make it ten feet, before collapsing and vomiting into dry brush. Her skin was damp and her eyes restless, but she got back up and wiped her mouth of vomit and saliva, and kept walking. She entered the hospital and walked, eyes ahead to the chapel, the hospital was just stirring and she wasn’t paid any mind. She reached the chapel and didn’t dare look at the cross or Jesus’ pained eyes for retribution against her. The man was there, his legs crossed, a thin and spindly hand reaching out towards her. She held the cooler close to her heart, her body trembling. He said in an acrid voice “You did it?” She nodded slowly, and he seemed to relish the pained expression she was wearing. “Liver, heart, kidneys?” she slightly moved her head. He grinned and in a slippery voice said “Very good, give me the cooler. Your payment will be handled.” She held the cooler tight, and in a drained voice said: “How do I know?” He snatched the cooler from her roughly, forcing her to take a step back, and said in a sneer “Unlike some…” and he motioned to the porcelain Jesus on the wall “we provide for those who provide for us.” He continued as he grabbed his coat “You’ll see your little boy will have his heart transplant paid within the day.” He started to walk towards the ice jostling in the cooler and before leaving with his onion breath said “Good day” and left in a flurry of black.

She felt intimidated alone with God, her core shaken. Her love for God warped. She longed for her plain Amish life and Eli by her side in the garden. Walking bit by bit to Eli’s room, her feet dragged and her heart was tired and worn. She entered his room and went straight for his bed. Eli was propped up in bed, his cherished face the light of her life. She kissed his head and gave him a tight hug and he mumbled “Mama” as he wrapped his little stumpy arms around her. “Eli, no,” she said, taking the controller from his hands to turn the TV off. Before she turned it off, she saw the Breaking News alert. The broadcasters said in quick alert tones “Right now, police are looking for the murderer of a man who has been dismembered and left in a ditch.” His auburn eyebrows twitched, and her heart dropped and she quickly turned off the TV. She tousled Eli’s hair in a daze and went to the bathroom. She closed the door and the tears began to stream, she sat on the toilet ripping the jacket off and began to hyperventilate. Assessing the cut on her hand, she found it wasn’t deep and decided to rinse it. After she looked at herself in the mirror wiping the tears off her tanned face and began to fix her hair back into her bonnet. She fought the urge to vomit but failed. She vomited in the toilet and sat on the tile floor, the cool tiles calming her. She sat for twenty minutes feeling the color drain out of her, seeing vividly the color drain out of the man. But soon she got up and pulled the wisps of hair back into the bonnet and took off her black apron, she turned around and checked her body for bloodstains. Finding none she composed herself and grabbed the apron and jacket for disposal and opened the door. Before she could register the many people in the hospital room, she saw the faint but present red and blue flashing lights. She looked over and saw one doctor and nurse in starch outfits. Then among the doctors and nurses, she also saw the police. Her heart dropped and she looked around bewildered before Eli yelled in surprise “Mama, look! It’s the police.”