ElePhAnt in The Room

elePhanT in the RooM

My journey on the “weight loss rollercoaster”

201

We sat in church on a hot, sweltering day. The air conditioning was broken so the paper fans were in full operation. As I sat wedged in the pew beside my husband and son, my eleven-year-old was quickly losing focus. “When is it gonna be over?” he whined. My husband leaned into his ear and whispered “it aint over ‘til the fat lady sings!” The next thing I know, my son is handing ME a hymn book!

Obesity wasn’t always a thing with me. In fact, I was only 112 lbs. in high school and 103 when I got married. The weight began to climb after my first child. I weighed in at 147 lbs. in my ninth month of pregnancy and thus began the rollercoaster of weight loss and gain.

I began to experience a host of health problems which were not due to my ballooning weight. I developed asthma in my mid-twenties, a familial blessing handed down through the generations. I also had a dormant heart problem since the age of sixteen, that didn’t rear its ugly head until I was flat on my back in the hospital with an asthma attack. I had no idea what problems lay ahead of me physically that would be directly linked to my weight.

103

My phone rang one Saturday morning. “Dad wants you to come over,” mom said. I got dressed and walked the short block to my folks’ house. “Good morning,” I sang from the front door. As I walked in to pour myself a cup of coffee, my dad shoved the newspaper in my face. “See that? That’s what’s gonna happen if you don’t start eating.” A photo of Karen Carpenter dominated the page. “I do eat,” I smirked - and I did, sorta.

Most of the time my meals were as follows:

Breakfast: Coffee and cigarette

Lunch: 1 jar Gerber’s baby food plums or peaches, packet of crackers, coffee , cigarette

Dinner: maybe a salad, a slice of bread, coffee and cigarette

It wasn’t that I was anorexic, trying to lose weight or keep weight off, I just wasn’t as interested in food as I was in drinking coffee and smoking.

I remember I got sick with a bout of bronchitis and my weight dropped to 96 lbs. When I went to see a new doctor, he took one look at me and asked, “have you always been this skinny?”

What I wouldn’t give to hear those glorious words again!

112

My husband joined the Navy while we were engaged. After we married, his first assignment was at a school in Groton, Connecticut. We lived off of a cove, and the smell of ‘salty sea and clams’ evoked a feeling of coziness and romance. The next school took us to Virginia Beach. Again, the smell of salty sea and clams permeated the air, but this time it wasn’t cozy or romantic - it was nauseating! I found I was pregnant and experiencing my first bout of morning sickness.

As the weeks progressed, so did my cravings. I did crave a few good things, though, and one of the biggest was bell peppers. I would get a bag and eat the whole thing, munching on them like apples. I suppose my body was craving the vitamins they supplied. Unfortunately, bell peppers weren’t the only thing on my menu. I began to enjoy and crave foods like ice cream (minus the pickle), pizza and most fast food.

At one point, we were staying in a hotel near the beach. Without a car, I was stuck in the room all day and the only thing foodwise within walking distance was a Hardee’s. (Living out west, I had never heard of them.) I would usually try and wait until my hubby got home to eat, but of course that’s not a very good thing to do, especially when pregnant. So, I would get on my flip-flops and walk up to Hardee’s. As I scanned the menu, I tried to select the healthiest and best option that I could. I’d then order a double-cheeseburger without the pickles and mayo (that mayo can be fattening!) Well, yes, I know a double cheeseburger can be too, but, hey, I’m not a fanatic!

147

I had quit smoking by the time my son was born and began a robust health kick that gave my growing body some hope of recovery. By now, we were living in beautiful Washington state. I was down to 139 lbs. and healthier.

I would take my son to the health food store and park his stroller in a corner. As he’d sit eating some ‘sesame-tofu-bar thing,’ I would shop the many aisles of herbs, powders, foods and juices.

I had attended a healthy herb party (no, not that kind of herb party) and was just fascinated by all the herbs and what they could do. I went in as a skeptic and came out with $70.00 worth of herbs. I shopped at health food stores like some women shop at Macy's; never leaving without something.

I soon got pregnant again but lost the baby after only eleven weeks. After a short bout of depression, I began to emerge with the same dedication to my health as I had before. I was cooking, and if anybody knows me, they know I am NOT a cook. I did make a killer breakfast burrito though, with eggs, onion, mushrooms and of course my old love, bell peppers.

Surprisingly, I could still wear a bikini. I laid in the sun almost daily in beautiful Washington. (Today, if I tried donning a swimsuit I would probably be arrested - for “impersonating a woman.”)

191

It was time to take a trip home before going to join my husband on his overseas tour. Everyone noticed how heavy I had become. I was now around 171 lbs. (Ya happy now, dad?) I now had two children, a boy and our new daughter. I had reached 191 lbs. in full pregnancy with her and for a while, it held on for dear life. Of course, I didn’t really do anything exercise-wise to make it wanna leave. I had in the meantime been trying different diets, pills, shakes etc.

Some of you may remember the diet candy that was to be taken with a glass of hot water. That was supposed to cut cravings and make one feel full. (I think I ate the entire box in one sitting.) Another fad was the pill to block fat from food. Unfortunately, my fat cells paid no attention and moved forward with gusto, attaching themselves to whatever body part they wanted to live in.

In earlier days, it was all about calories and nothing regarding carbs. I would like to be able to say once I became more educated about them, I applied the knowledge and put it to use, but I didn’t. (In fact, I learned about carbs from the side of my donut box while enjoying a fancy, double chocolate with sprinkles.)

189

By the time my third child was born, we were now living in Scotland. My weight had yo-yoed up and down from about 191 to 169, then back up again. I gained six more pounds with my second daughter for a total of 197 lbs. at my full pregnancy weight.

It was a few months before my husband’s Annual Navy Dinner. I wanted to go, but not the way I was. I began weightlifting. In the beginning, I was intimidated by the weights and poles and all the gadgets used to adjust the sport to my ability. However, I was totally dedicated and by the time the event rolled around, I looked smart and svelte in my little black dress. My weight had gone down considerably, and though I was no 120- pounder, I was healthy looking, and at a weight I had not been in years. I actually had muscles that I never knew existed! As the months went by though, the weight began to come back as my zest for weightlifting took a back seat to my newborn.

Now, living eighteen miles from the nearest big food market, you would think I would lose weight simply because it was too inaccessible, but somehow, I figured out how to get around that. There was a small petrol station at the end of our road in which I could pick up things like milk, bread and CANDY BARS.

Still 189

One day I was talking to my neighbor who expressed an interest in wanting to lose weight. She was slightly overweight by maybe twenty pounds or so. Me, on the other hand, had a long way to go just to get to where she was.

We decided we would start walking. We would begin by just going from our front gate over the hill to the primary school and back again. It sounded like a great plan. There were mornings I wasn’t able to go if I had no one there to watch the children, so she would go by herself. We tried taking the kids once, but by the time I broke up a fight between my son and daughter, chased a snarling dog away and carried the baby after the stroller broke on the lane, it was less than enjoyable. Meanwhile, my friend was getting slimmer…

201

It was time for me to take a different approach. I would wait until my husband got home to begin walking again. My friend and I found it most pleasant, walking along the rolling hills dotted with sheep and their new baby lambs. The smell of heather was a welcome change from the sea-and-clam aromas of previous places we’d lived.

We started taking a brisk twenty-minute walk to and from our front doors. I found my friend’s company a welcome change from being cooped up in the house with crying babies all day. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my children and would often take them up into the hills for a mini-hike when my husband could accompany us. He was better at breaking up fights and chasing away dogs than I was.

The more we walked, the more we talked and wanted to delve into our conversations- more than the mere twenty minutes allowed us. We decided to extend our walk to the little ‘Clachan,’ or small village on the edge of the Loch.

One day my friend suggested that we go in for tea. We entered a quaint tearoom, complete with lace curtains, rich tapestry drapes and little round tables dressed up with colorful tea sets. It was so fun we decided we’d go for tea at least once or twice a month on our walks.

Pretty soon, I started keeping our car a few days a week so we could drive down to the tearoom to enjoy our cup of tea, sometimes with a meringue. As time went on, our excursions involved more drive time, less walking and more meringues. By the time it was all said and done, these “health walks” resulted in another 11 pounds for me.

190

We had moved back to the states, and I was too preoccupied with my brand-new home to think about my weight. I had gotten a part time job in the evenings, waiting tables. I figured it would be good exercise for me. - WRONG.

The first strike was the fact that the job was in an ice-cream parlor. It was a 50’s style place, complete with soda fountain and old black and white photos of Elvis, Marilyn and James Dean, all watching over the hordes of fat people shoveling tons of banana splits into their ‘gobs.’

Whenever there was a mix up on an order, the management allowed us, the workers, to eat the food so as not to let it go to waste. That was the second strike for me. I think it got to the point where I would purposely fill out the ticket wrong so the cooks would mess it up. “Oops welp, I guess I’ll eat this one.”

By now, my asthma had gotten worse. I had stopped smoking years before, but I had soon developed more allergies. On top of the allergens I already had to bee stings, certain foods and metals, etc. I found it wreaked havoc on my asthma which in turn made it difficult to even make it into work from the parking lot, let alone run around waiting tables. I had to give up my waitressing job. Strike THREE.

170

I now had my fourth baby. Funny enough, he was born during an eleven day stay in the hospital after a stubborn asthma attack. They had to take him early because of all of the medicine I had been taking to control my breathing.

I was now home with four kids and my weight held steady at around 189. Soon I went back to work full time and it was there that I found a great pastime. This place had a wonderful state-of-the-art workout room, complete with a sauna and whirlpool.

I started combining my breaks and working out for 30 minutes a day. I started slow but increased over time. By the end of the year, I was down to 170 and again was healthier than I had been in a few years. My fat to muscle ratio had switched around so even if my scale said 170, I knew more of it was muscle than the dreaded fat I’d been lugging around.

I worked at that job for eleven years. When I started a new one, there was no gym - and it scared me. Again, the weight began to creep back on.

By now, the keto thing was a hot topic, as was intermittent fasting. Now, this stuff may have been around for a while, but if it was, I wasn’t paying attention. One day, just on a whim, I decided to try intermittent fasting. I knew I could do it as I rarely ate breakfast, but preferred my lunch to any other meal.

I couldn’t believe it! I lost 22 lbs. in just under a month! I didn’t stick to it, however and the weight soon returned. Next, I thought I’d try doing it again, this time adopting the keto diet, or at least my version of the Keto diet.

My aim was to cut out certain foods starting with a letter in the alphabet, for instance, I started cutting out all foods beginning with the letter C (Cookies, Candy, Cola, Cake) and replacing them with another letter, like P (Peanut butter clusters, Praline chews, Pop and pound cake.) For some reason, that didn’t work out.

I had really hoped by now I would be able to stand with my hand holding the waist of my large pair of slacks, stretching it out to show how much weight I’d lost, but when I tried to do it, my fingers got stuck in my waistband.

Fast forward 2023 -

I’m still fatter-than-the-baby-Jesus, but cha know, I’m now well aware of what works for me and what doesn’t. When it all comes down to it, exercise is a must. There’s no getting around it.

I now have spinal stenosis with bulging discs, and osteoarthritis in both knees. It’s going to be even harder now to move around. One of the most important things I found about weight is, what works for one person, may not work for another. I’m not here to judge or push what successes I did have on anyone else. Everybody has to know their own bodies, limits, will power etc. For me, exercise and intermittent fasting were keys that opened the door to a potential lifelong way of living.

Now, I just need to work on my willpower, consistency and self-discipline. I think I’ll chart my new course over a cup of coffee ooo! -and maybe that donut there.