Drowning in the nighttime

I often imagine what it would be like to live underwater, but I already know the feeling since I have felt like I am drowning in my own tears before. Gasping for air as I come up in the night, dripping of sweat and cold tears, choking on my own breath. And when it is all over, I find myself sinking back to sleep where the nightmare continues. In my dreams, I see myself stuck between enormous rocks and monstrous algae tugging and tearing at my dress as my blood slowly mixes with the water from the scratches on my skin.

Feeling like a prey with a sense of doom impending, I try to scream from the top of my lungs; only to find myself ingesting gulps after gulps of water, knowing no one is coming to save me. I sink to the bottom of the night, a mere passenger to my own thoughts. There is no savior in this world. If you wander too far at night, too deep into your own mind, you should discover the darkness which preys from under. It seeks to swallow you whole through your own tears, and you can hear its mocking laughter. The deep blue sea at the surface which reflects the beautiful light of day, is indeed filled with monsters below. Monsters, whose shadows alone sends shivers as swift as lightning running down your spine. I can hear the echoes of their maniacal laughter rival the sound of my heart beating like thunder. I will survive.

I have drowned before but never to be annihilated. The need to breathe has always been a driving force that pushes some preys to transform and assimilate with their predator. So, I have merge into a body of water. The same body of water maliciously resting, and preying on those who haven't learned to fight for their last breath. My tears can no longer drown me for I have found my own wave and now float above as the darkness seep out from my brain.

I still have nightmares. I sometimes still wake up cold, out of breath and sweating, but I now know how to maneuver the dark waters. I have made friends with my demons and I am no longer a prey. And on the days that I do feel like one, I allow myself to sink before I can be swallowed. I retire deep into the belly of the beast to discover that it had been made bigger by my imagination. And then as choke for air, I remember, I am a survivor. I have made peace with the algae and now use them to treat my wounds and to pull myself out from under the enormous rock. A body of water is only as scary as you imagine it to be, so I have become one with my fear so it can no longer scare me.

The foggy water is clear for the predators, and there is no doom impending. There is only the clock ticking, the marching of time which slows down for not even darkness itself. Each predator is to be replaced one day by the next, because time is the biggest of them all. No one survives the passing of time without eventually crumbling into themselves. The only way to survive is to first, learn how to swim so you do not drown and then run fast knowing that you will eventually be caught. But enjoy the voyage as you go, sink, swim, survive. The cycle will continue but the water will forever be filled with the spirits of the preys who became one with it and learned to fight for each and every breath they took.