Downpour

Kari stared at the mirror as the fog slowly creeped from the corners and converged at the center. Her crestfallen face disappeared from view. She harshly rubbed her face before she stripped out of her torn and dirty clothes. She stepped into the shower. The droplets reddened her skin, but she barely registered the heat. Tears had begun to sting her tired eyes. The sheer weight of what had transpired forced her body to collapse to the shower floor. Sobs racked Kari’s body. When she felt like she couldn’t cry anymore, her puffy eyes trailed over the cuts and bruises that covered her body. How could have this happened? She attempted to gather her thoughts to no avail. More tears escaped her eyes as another fit of sobs began.

What should have been a joyous occasion turned into a nightmare in a blink of an eye. Earlier in the evening was Kari’s rehearsal dinner. Tomorrow was to be her wedding. She, her husband-to-be, Jon, and their guests were having a wonderful time. Landon, Jon’s brother and best man, regaled everyone with the story of how the happy couple met. Laughter ensued when he informed the group of Jon’s nerves before asking Kari out that he tripped and spilled his coffee all over her white dress. Kari and Jon just smiled at each other. Their love for one another evident in their eyes. The night continued on in a similar fashion. The guests exchanged some of their favorite and, at times, quiet embarrassing stories of the couple. As the evening wound down, people began to take their leave, including Jon and Kari.

During the drive back to their apartment, the unthinkable happened. While stopped at a red light, Jon intertwined his hand with Kari’s. He brought her hand to his face and placed light kisses on the back. It elicited small giggles from his fiancé.

“This time tomorrow I’ll finally get to call you my wife,” happiness and excitement dripped with each word spoken. A green light spilled into their car, which prompted Jon to drive forward. Kari’s eyes were fixed on him as she leaned over the center console to kiss his cheek. But before she could do so, a blinding light flooded her eyes. Then, there was nothing but darkness.

A mixture of smoke and gasoline assaulted Kari’s nostrils. A buzzing noise that rang through her ears slowly quieted. Her eyelids were heavy as she sluggishly fluttered them open. Her vision was hazy at first, but as it came into focus Kari realized what happened. She was hanging upside down and the windshield was blown out. Frantically she looked over to Jon. Dark red blood slowly dripped from the cooper bull pendant that swayed back and forth from his neck. Her eyes hesitantly trailed up to the source. Blood painted half his face. When her eyes met his, her heart broke. Jon’s eyes were wide open and hollow. They were devoid of the shine they once held, and she knew. The sirens in the distance wailed along with Kari.

Weeks passed, and Kari traded her gorgeous white gown for a bleak black dress. Vows and speeches about their lives changed to mournful eulogies. Landon joined Kari in the car that drove them to the cemetery. It was the first time they’d seen each other since that night. Neither of them had even spoken to each other since. In a feeble attempt at comforting her, he took Kari’s hand in his and patted the back. He felt the engagement ring that still adorned her ring finger. He looked over at her with sorrowful eyes and pulled her into a hug. But tears did not flow from her eyes. All Kari felt was hollowness. Like a zombie, she mindlessly went through the motions of the funeral. Her high school sweetheart and the love of her life was gone along with half of her being.

When the funeral ended, Landon approached Kari once again. He fumbled with his pockets and pulled out a small velvet jewelry box. He gently placed it in her hands and clasped her hands around it as he said, “Jon would want you to have this.” Kari stared into his eyes for a while. He broke the silence once more.

“Remember, I’ll always be here for you,” he said as he pulled her in for another hug. Kari hugged him back and whispered into his ear, “I know.”

Back at her painfully empty apartment, Kari placed the jewelry box on the side table next to the door to her bedroom. Sadness mixed with rage poured out from her as she screamed, collapsing to the ground. She tore at her dress, violently throwing it to the floor. The necklace she wore snapped in the process and beads flew across the room. She didn’t care though. All she felt was pain and intense longing for the one she lost. Hot tears freely flowed from her eyes as she got up and walked into her closet and pulled out her unworn wedding gown. It had been a constant reminder of the day that would never happen. With every ounce of strength she could muster, Kari ripped it apart. Shredded pieces of fabric fluttered to the ground. Her cries reverberated around the apartment. How could this have happened? We were supposed to grow old together, watch as our own kids fell in love and got married and had kids of their own! Now I’m left in this world without you here. Why? Why Jon? He thoughts ran rampant. Kari exhausted herself and eventually passed out on the floor in the pile of what was once her wedding dress.

She awoke and took in the disaster before her. She urged her still fatigued body to clear the mess she created. Pangs of pain hit her chest as she picked up the pieces, along with all her dashed hopes and plans for the future. Their future. Once cleaned, Kari dragged herself over to the side table and picked up the small velvet box Jon’s brother had given her. His words played in her head as she sat on the foot of her bed. She inhaled for a long time and exhaled sharply. Kari cautiously opened the box and tears began to stream from her eye once again. Inside were their wedding bands and the bull pendant Jon always wore. She picked up the band meant for her and inspected it. The band had a special inscription, one she had no clue about. One last message from Jon. “My light, my life, my beginnings and ends. Forever and always – Jon” A small smile graced her face as she thought of Jon. She placed the ring on her finger to accompany the engagement ring. She picked up the bull necklace, unclasped it and placed the wedding band meant for Jon on it, then clasped it around her own neck. She held the pendant and the ring in her hand, closing her eyes for some time.

She opened her eyes and went back to the closet. She threw on one of Jon’s old shirts, which still smelled of him and hugged herself. Then she put on some pants before calling Landon and asked him to meet with her. They agreed to meet at Jon’s favorite bar. When she arrived, she was nervous to go in; she didn’t know if she could handle being here. But then she saw Landon perched on one of the barstools waiting for her, went in and sat next to him. They sat in silence, sipping on their respective drinks.

“Thanks,” Kari meekly said. The two turned toward each other. “I couldn’t be alone anymore,” she told him, her voice cracking slightly. Landon pulled her into a tight hug. Moments passed, both still in their sorrowful embrace. Silent cries came from both of them. They slowly parted. Gradually they began to talk about Jon, all their memories of him, the good and the bad ones. Laughter filled the air even though tears still left their eyes. The weight of the loss lessened just a bit as they both shared the grief together. Kari knew it would be painful to live without him, but life was going to continue forward and the best way to honor his life was to live hers.