Dog Gone Chocolate Cake

“Are you ready for the party?” Missy asked inquisitively as she stared open-mouthed into the mirror, angling her head and opening her turquoise eyes wide to apply the last of her long-lasting waterproof mascara.

“It’s a dog’s birthday party Missy,” I said matter of factly and unenthusiastically. “I mean how depressing it is that they have a birthday party for their dog,” I said, frowning as I sat on the lid of the toilet in the bathroom propping my head upon the sink vanity, staring at her in the mirror.

I was not putting forth the amount of effort to get ready for a party for a dog that Missy was. I was in a black Pantera shirt and cut-off denim shorts with flip flops. My brown hair was pulled back in a messy bun and I had on the minimalist amount of concealer for acne scars, but I was definitely not getting dolled up for a dog.

“ I know that!” she exclaimed and side-eyed me in the mirror with her mouth open in surprise as she finished applying her highlighter to her cheekbones and the bridge of her nose. “It’s not the dog I am going for obviously, it is the owner,” she said, raising an eyebrow and smirking.

It was true that Griff was the one throwing the party for his 2-year-old French Bulldog, and the dog was his life. It was also true that Griff was an absolute hottie. He was tall, tan, and obviously spent hours a day in the gym. Missy was smitten with him, but he seemed to love his dog more than anything or anyone. Griff had gone through a rough breakup with a woman about two and half years ago, he had proposed and was engaged before she ran off with another man. Soon after the breakup, he went into depression and that was when his friend Steve talked him into getting a dog. He convinced Griff that it would get him out of the house and more importantly meet new women because as he put it ‘babes love dogs’.

“I think you should get a dog and then maybe Griff will pay attention to you,” I smirked back.

Griff had become so involved in Harvey that he had purposely not made time for girls or dating and if he did happen to meet a girl for coffee, he was adamant that she bring her dog for a play date. It was a rumor now that Griff did not date anyone who did not have a furry four-legged friend of the canine variety.

“First off,” she started, “we live in this apartment and we both work, it would not be fair to get a dog right now,” she exclaimed and I could tell that she obviously had thought about it. “Besides, if I can show Griff that I love that snorty little piglet as much as he does then he will never want me to leave, '' she said smiling and closed her compact. “C’mon, let’s go!” she motioned prancing out the bathroom door in her white midthigh sundress and platform wedge sandals. I followed right behind, like an obedient puppy.

We arrived at Griff's house two towns over and pulled into the circular driveway with far more cars than I expected. The moment we stepped out of the car I could hear music and barking dogs of all sizes coming from behind the house. The grey stone of the house seemed to amplify the sound of barking and the music and allowed me to faintly make out peoples’ voices and laughter. I stared at the house waiting for a valet to come and park the car for us and I suddenly felt underdressed. I glanced over to Missy for guidance, but she was adjusting her breasts in her driver-side window. Exasperated, I tried to follow her lead, checking my own reflection in the car door window, but for what purpose I can’t say.

“ Alright, let’s go in,” she says quietly, walking up to me and crooking my elbow, which I think is for support to help her walk.

As we wobbled up awkwardly to the door we both heard an ear-piercing scream coming from inside the stone structure. We pause briefly and look at each other before I grab Missy by the arm and rush her through the window-paned front door. Assessing the direction the scream came from I heard more yelling and deep sobbing and followed the sound past the foyer and an elegant living or sitting room and dining room into an enormous kitchen.

It was here that Missy and I saw a heavy set women with tidy blondish grey hair sitting on the floor, she appeared to be in her fifties but I was unsure if that was from her red tear ridden face and if the deep lines in her face were from crying or if that was how she looked all the time. I left Missy leaning on the doorway for support and went to the woman sitting on the cold cream tile floor next to the bar. I placed a hand on the woman’s shoulder, “Are you ok?” I asked softly, “are you hurt?” I asked, waiting for any type of eye contact.

The woman lifted her head off her knees and looked up through blood-red eyes, the brown of her irises barely visible.

“No,” she said in between sobs in a weak voice. “Griff is going to kill me!” she exclaimed, “he’s just going to kill me!” Then soon it was uncontrollable. “ I came into the kitchen to get a piece of cake…” she trailed off taking another deep breath.

I placed a hand on her shoulder and encouraged her to continue with her story. After her last big sob, she looked at me in the eye and continued.

“And, Harvey got under my feet and tripped me and I dropped my slice of cake on the floor and he was just so fast,” she whimpered. “Before I could do anything I was on the ground and he already ate the whole piece of cake,” she said in another burst of hysterical sobbing.

I stood up and saw the paper plate on the floor scattered with crumbs, but no sign of Harvey anywhere in sight. I knew I had to find him as soon as possible before the effects of the chocolate started affecting him. I also did not want this poor woman to get into any trouble for an accident. In the back of my mind, I also questioned, who brings chocolate cake to a dog party. It seemed like an accident waiting to happen.

I looked over at Missy and told her “I have a job for you that you are going to love,” I said, raising my eyebrows. “I want you to go outside and find Griff and stall him, whatever you do, do not let him come into the kitchen,” I said authoritatively.

The smile across her face was as wide as a Cheshire cat. “Can do!” She exclaimed and quickly shuffled herself as quickly as she could in her shoes towards the back door.

Turning back to the woman, “I am going to try to find the dog and get him to vomit up that damn chocolate cake. I want you to clean yourself up and go outside and act completely normal. Pretend that nothing has happened and just be natural, I am going to fix this for you,” I said. “Also do not let anyone in the kitchen until I say so.”

She stood up and wiped her face, “How?” she asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said to her. “Time is of the essence, we gotta do this quickly,” I said urgently.

“Alright,” she said, smoothing out her outfit and wiping her face with the back of her fingers gently under her eyes to remove any smudged mascara.

“Also, if you see Harvey, let me know I am going to look for him,” I said. As she left the kitchen I began my mad dash running around the house and calling for him.

“Harvey...Harvey...Come here, boy! Come on out Harvey, No one is mad at you,” I said running around the house and as I made a mad dash up the staircase, I saw a glimpse of something small and fawn colored run into a room.

“There you are,” I said walking to the door he had gone through relieved. It was obviously Griff’s bedroom and it was nothing short of impressive. The little twenty pound dog had navigated onto the king sized plush bed and plopped down as if ready for a nap. “You’re coming with me!” I exclaimed, snatching him off the bed.

With Harvey in the crook of my arm, I made my way back down to the kitchen. I stopped when I heard the sounds of people. Damn it, I thought, y’all had one job. I crept back upstairs and headed back into the bedroom and after This would be a good place anyway, it would be contained and easy to clean. I placed Harvey in the bathtub, which was the size of a Volkswagen and rummaged through the cabinets until I found a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, a ten milliliter syringe and some towels. “Alright Harv, you're gonna vomit for me right?” I asked, looking at his smooshed little face.

About ten minutes later the bathroom was smelling like brownie mix and Harvey was laying on the floor of the bathroom while I was rinsing out the tub from the chocolaty mush that he had expelled. I was just getting the last bit of it down the drain, when I heard Griff’s voice approaching the bedroom.

“Harvey!” he called out walking into the bedroom, and upon hearing this Harvey perked up and stood at attention at the door. I stood up and obliged him, opening it to see Griff searching around the bed throwing his blankets and pillows onto the floor. Harvey bolted out of the bathroom and ran straight to the bed and jumped on it.

“There you are!” Griff said with such excitement, he looked like he might cry. He hadn’t been away from the dog for more than twenty minutes, but I suppose the panic of not knowing where he was got to him. I walked out of the bathroom and saw Missy’s look of disappointment, she obviously had not gotten very far with Griff and was ready to give up.

“Wait,” he said, realizing all the people in his bedroom, “why are you in here?” He was still squeezing Harvey so tight, that I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head.

Walking up to him and patting Harvey’s head, I explained, “Oh, well, your little buddy here decided to eat a large slice of chocolate cake, so I brought him in here and made him vomit it all up in your bathtub,” I said in a condescending tone. “He should be alright, but keep an eye on him tonight, and go to the emergency vet if he is acting strange,” I explained. I looked over at Missy, who had not impressed Griff and seemed fed up with the entire visit. “ I think we should go,” I said walking to her, I crooked her arm and we walked out the bedroom door together leaving Griff looking inquisitively at us and then at Harvey.

As we made our way to the front door, Missy whispered to me, “I don’t think it would have worked out between us anyway, he’s actually pretty boring and he’s not very smart either,” she said.

“I always kind of thought he might be gay,” I said as we climbed into the car and we both giggled.