Deja vu

I had to start moving again. I didn’t even know if I was still on the right trail. I’m following the crazed words of a senile old woman. All while our world is literally falling to pieces outside.

“If you watch where you’re going, you’ll always know where you’ve been.”

That was my nana, my great, great, great, nana. She was talking in my head again.

I was only a few weeks old when my mom ran away with her boyfriend. My nana moved in with us to help care for me. My nana was the best mother anyone could ever wish for. Even so, I always wished I could know my mother. It took years, but I finally found her. We talked on the phone for a while. Initially, I was excited, but it didn’t take long to see through the lies and bs. Finally, I had to block her out and thank my dad for not leaving me with her. I keep drifting. I need to focus.

I’ve been wandering lost in this cave for days, hours at least! How long can a person survive without water? I’m so thirsty. Hmm, what would you do for a Pepsi? I hummed. Oh, I had to stop this and concentrate! I couldn’t allow myself to think about the circumstances that brought me here. I might start screaming and never stop. It was scary down here in the solid black, and it’s cold as fuck! One of the little drips from the ceiling landed on me; I jumped and started swatting myself and stomping all around me. I knew it was a drip, but my mind conjured giant spiders. Hence, I haven’t been able to sleep. And now, tears are running down my cheeks. I wiped them away furiously. I couldn’t believe I was crying. At least I no longer heard the earth above me destroying itself. I could hear rocks falling somewhere close, blocking my way out. I had to trust that my nana wasn’t out of her mind when she told me about this. It was the only thing I had. If it wasn’t real, then I was dying in this cave.

I’ll never forget the day I turned thirteen. I was a teenager finally! And I intended to live my teenage years to the fullest. We were glued to the television, watching all the latest updates on wag, the war against Government. A lot of the people banned together and refused to follow Government. We watched Government pull a man from his house. They said he was a drug lord. I think they needed a well-known person to help prove their point. The man they had was an advocator for the second amendment we no longer have. His kids and wife sobbed and begged them to stop. But they didn’t care. They each took a turn, careful not to kill him. Then the officer brought his weapon to eye level and fired. The screaming bleeding man stopped screaming. His head bounced off the street when he fell over, his now, one eye wide open in a death mask of terror. We were all staring at the television, unable to tear ourselves away from the horror that played out there. Unable to believe it was real. Then the following announcement made our blood run cold. Government was going door to door, giving everyone shots. That had tiny glittering chips in them. They had to scan us before we could get our ration of food: our medical care and everything else. The new laws were abhorrent. We were slaves.

Nana sent the other children away with my aunt. She told her we would be along soon. I thought she was going to give me my birthday present. I used to tell nana I loved her heart-shaped necklace. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It looked like a super sparkly diamond heart. Nana and I were close, and I used to think we had no secrets from each other; I was wrong! Nana drove out of town with everything we could fit in the back of her big van. There was a stern look on her face that day. I had never seen my nana fight herself more than she did on that day. I stayed quiet; I was afraid, unsure. At the edge of town, nana stopped the van. It was storming now; the sun had just been shining when we left.

“Pay attention to the route we take from here. You’ll have to drive the van back to the hideout, where Uncle Clarence lives,” she said with a quiver in her voice. She had taught me how to drive a few months ago, but never by myself. I was scared, nana looked frightened, and nana was never afraid. We rode for about two hours and then hiked at least two miles into the woods. It was dusk when she led me into the cave. She spread a blanket on the floor and sat down. I followed suit; we had probably been sitting for five minutes.

“Please, tell me you are ok, nana,” I ask?

“Oh, I’m sorry, my sweet girl. I didn’t mean to scare you; I have some difficult things to tell you,” she said. I sat quietly.

“Deep inside this cave…is an essential ship,” she said.

“What kind… “I stopped when I saw the look on nanas face and waited.

“I come from another planet. I was on an assignment when I met and fell in love with your great, great, great grandfather, my husband. I hid the ship and refused to go home; they never found me. I never told anyone, and I wish I didn’t have to tell you.” Tears ran down her cheeks and dripped off the end of her chin. I stayed quiet and let her take her time. The glimpse I caught of her eyes was awash of terror and misery. The wind blew wickedly outside, and lightning tore through the sky.

“Listen, I can’t tell you as much as I had hoped. I know you are smart, and I know you will figure it all out. We are further along technically than earth is. But I will give you something from my world that will help balance things out for you. So here you take this bag.

But don’t open it until you are safe and alone,” nana said, handing me a small bag.

“It’s going to get worse, not just Government; the earth is crumbling. It’s dying, and you must get out before it does. When it begins to go completely, listen to the pull of the heart. You come here and don’t ignore it.” She opened the necklace; I never knew it was a locket. It was full of clear shiny gel with silver glitter in it.

“You must rub your entire body with this. It is the only thing that will save you on reentry to my planet, the new world. Once you get to the ship, you will have to enter certain characters to get it to turn the controls over to you. They are under the gel; you will find them matching the keyboard for the computer that powers the ship. You should have no trouble matching them. When I put this on you,” nana indicated the heart-shaped locket. “You will forget everything I told you until the time is right to remember. Don’t try to deny it when it comes. Let it take you and lead you. When I put this on you, it will change your life. You will experience no pain; you’ll be fast and strong and unnaturally beautiful. You will have a price to pay. I can’t say that it’s worth it.” And she looked down, tears still dripping off her face.

“There are many worlds, and every person has a part to play. And they play it, over and over and over,” she said sadly. “The world ends…and then it starts over again. But, You will have a wonderful life.”

“So, I have to get the necklace to the new world,” I said to clarify.

She nodded, and then she jumped up and pulled me with her. She hooked the necklace around my neck.

“This is supposed to be handed down from mother to daughter repeatedly until it is needed. It’s an honor to carry the heart-shaped locket,” she said.

“Why didn’t you give it to your daughter,” I ask?

“I couldn’t bear to,” She answered absently.

And then she turned to dust and blew away right before my eyes.

I was scared shitless, and I knew no one would believe me, so I said nothing. And soon I had forgotten all about the locket and the small bag.

Two weeks ago, I found myself doing odd things. I opened the locket and put the gel all over me. It never seemed to run out. But at one point, I saw the images on the bottom.

Then I remembered everything. I was stunned for a few minutes, but I got moving. Now here I am, stumbling around this damn cave. I have no idea how much time has passed since I entered the cave. I rounded the next corner, and there it was, the rock my nana had told me would be here. I ran up to it and dug all the contents out of a small hole in the center. When it was clean, I could see the shape of a heart in the bottom of the hole. I slid the locket into the hole, and things started happening. I pulled the heart locket quickly out and watched as the wall crumbled away; inside was a vast spaceship. I went up and laid my palm on the door; it opened. I went in and found the book with the instructions she had said would be there. It was a different language, but I found I could read it. Underneath it was a journal, it was nana’s, of course. I must have read for a couple of hours, but it felt like seconds. I sat upright in that seat and held my breath. Tears filled my eyes as I read. When I finished, I put the journal back in the console. I could feel the mountain shake with tremors. Nana had written again about the world repeating itself. Then she had listed my job; getting the locket to the next world wasn’t my only job. Suppose someone should break out of their place and try to improve their destiny. Well, I had to schedule and oversee their death. No one could change their station.

What was the point of repeating the same thing over and over if not to learn from it? And why would you want to keep people down? I had two clear choices, and I had to make up my mind soon. I could die here, and there would be no more locket, and people would have a chance again. Or I could follow thru with the job as countless ancestors have done. I sat at the helm, going back and forth. I knew I should die and put an end to this. But I hadn’t even had a chance to experience life yet. I was seventeen my whole life had been war and hiding, fighting.

. . .

“This was at the end of the newest journal I found. There is simply no way to speculate what the outcome of this would be.”

“Thank you, James. That’s all the time we have today but tune in tomorrow when we will be taking questions. I just want to leave you with one thought. I know there has been a lot of speculation, and the common consensus is that she didn’t fly the ship out and preserve the heart-shaped locket. Because there is no trace of her anywhere after that journal, all I want to say is this-Deja-vu. And always remember Goodnight and Good life! Lick It Up!

The End?