Dead in the Water

“I’m sorry Reggie. I just can’t do this anymore,” Katherine said. “You’re a good man. I’m sure you’ll find someone else.”

“Don’t do this love,” Reggie pleaded. His countenance fell. He knew this day would eventually come. He had been promising a promotion with a house and wedding bells soon to follow, but after a year and a half, her patience had run out.

“I’m sorry Reg. We both know this isn't working” she explained. “Go on then. You’re gonna be late for work. I’ll clear me stuff out and move in with me mum while you’re gone and we can talk about this more if you want when you get back” she continued.

She was right. There was no way he’d convince her to change her mind at the moment and he should’ve left ten minutes ago.

“Don’t be sad. We’ll both get along fine” Katherine explained. “Besides, today is a big day for you. You’re setting out today on the maiden voyage of the grandest ship ‘er built. Isn’t that what ya told me?”

“Like I give a damn about that” Reggie exclaimed. “I’d rather stay home and figure this out. Maybe I can tell the crew chief that I’m sick or somethin’. There’s lots of mates who would gladly take my spot, and I can stay back and we can figure this out” he offered.

“Reg” she said compassionately. “Go on now love. I’ll talk to you when you get back” she said. “A little bit of time off might do us both some good.”

Her mind was made up. Reggie salvaged his tattered manhood, gathered himself and said “Okay doll. Just promise me that you won’t be seein’ Archie or any of the other blokes who have been after ya while I’m gone” he muttered.

Katherine smiled. “Don’t be daft ya wee bastard” she replied. “Don’tcha be worrying about me. I’m not lookin for anything like that right now” she explained. “I’m just needin’ ta clear me head and figure some things out.”

Reggie conceded. Maybe this time away would allow her to realize how much they loved each other. Plus he knew that he needed a bit more time to sort out whatever was troubling her. Perhaps a few weeks apart would be good for them.

He rose from the table and carried his breakfast plate to the sink. “I’ll be back soon” he stated confidently. “Don’tcha go fallen in love while I’m away. I’m the only man for you, and we’ll figure this out when I get back.”

Reggie approached Katherine for a goodbye kiss. She humored him, but as their lips met and he wrapped his arms around her waist he couldn’t knock the feeling that her kiss felt more like a permanent “goodbye,” and a “thanks for all the good times.”

He grabbed his duffle bag and hurried out the front door of their apartment. As he walked the quarter mile to the docks all he could think about was Katherine. Trying to assure himself that he’d get his act together and patch things up with her was no consolation. Even Reggie had stopped believing his own excuses.

“Fuckin’ hell” he thought to himself. “She’s leaving and never comin’ back.”

As Reggie neared the docks, he could increasingly hear the commotion a few blocks away. Crowds were amassing to watch the maiden voyage of this modern mechanical wonder. Some were wishing farewell to loved ones boarding the ship. Others were merely there to behold the spectacle.

He had seen the ship twice before this morning when going over safety protocols, but sheer enormity still astonished Reggie. As he rounded the final corner and waded through the crowd, he could resist stopping to gaze once more at the grandest ship ‘er built. “The ship of dreams” is what they called it, and for good reason.

Reggie muscled his way through the bustling crowd until he arrived at the “crew only” loading ramp. He pulled his credentials from his back pocket and presented them to the seaman. “Second Officer Reginald Lee” he said as the crewman verified his documents. The man folded the paper and returned them to Reggie with a dutiful smile saying “Welcome aboard Officer Lee.”

Reggie nodded and returned the papers to his rear pocket. He climbed the ramp to enter the ship but took one last look at the fawning crowd before climbing aboard. It seemed to him that every other passenger on board had a loved one there bidding them a fond farewell. But not Reggie. The only person he cared about had just broken his heart earlier that morning.

Once aboard Reggie immediately reported to his superior officer. As he made his way to his quarters his mind was with Katherine. “What was she doing? Had she already begun packing up her things?” he wondered. Flinging his duffle bag onto his bunk, he leaned against the post.

“Bloody hell. How am I supposed to do this” he asked himself. Reggie closed his eyes and drew a large, slow breath. He exhaled quickly and opened his eyes in an effort to shrug off secret misery. It was no use. Nothing cripples a man’s spirit like a broken heart.

He reported for duty on deck before they were tugged away from the Southampton docks. Reggie had only been a White Star Line crewman for 2 years, but he knew the drill. Launch day was always filled with pomp and circumstance. Uniforms were to be neatly pressed and every passenger was to be offered a warm smile.

The ship made pit stops in Cherbourg, France and Queenstown, Ireland to pick up the remaining passengers before setting coordinates for its final destination in America.

Once the ship was in the open sea, Captain Smith gave the orders for “full steam ahead.” The large turbine gears danced in rhythm below steerage. Black smoke billowed from the tall funnels as the first class passengers amused themselves on deck with tea and brandy while adorned in their finest clothes.

Reggie had been aboard many ships in his life, but none like this. As he lay in his bunk he could hear the engines hum as the ship carved its way through the Atlantic ocean. Unlike most of the other passengers aboard the Titanic, Reggie had to grab his rest while the sun was up, because his duties posted him up in the crow’s nest at night. His job was to be a lookout for icebergs, boats, or any other potential obstructions in the ship's path.

Two men were always stationed up in the crow’s nest at night to ensure that no lookout would fall asleep on the job. Reggie was teamed up with Second Officer Frederick Fleet. He had worked with Freddie before and liked him well enough. He was a good lad. Not overly talkative, but enough of a conversationalist to make life up in the crow’s nest bearable.

By the fifth night on duty, the two men had run out of small talk conversation topics. By this point in any trek, it was typically customary for the two men on duty in the crow’s nest to alternate taking brief naps. One would grab a short 30 minute nap while the other kept a lookout. It was a dangerous practice, but it was also an unwritten rule among crewmen.

On the night of April 14th Freddie was yawning more than normal during their shift. He didn’t get much sleep earlier that day so he was especially tired up in the nest.

“Oy mate, I’m buggered tired” Freddie confessed to Reggie. “You don’t mind keeping the first watch while I catch 40 winks do ya?”

“Nah, I don’t mind,” Reggie answered.

“If it sounds like I’m dreaming about having a roll with Franny from the kitchen staff, don’t wake me” Freddie quipped as he laughed and elbowed Reggie. “I’ve been dying to know what treasures lie under that blouse ever since we left Southampton.”

Reggie forced a smile along with a half chuckle at Freddie’s joke, but the truth was that he was still devastated. Thoughts of Katherine consumed him, and with every passing hour, he became more certain that there was no way to get her back. His growing despondency made him want to curl up in his bunk and never climb out. But the truth is that he owed Freddie a favor.

Reggie was so preoccupied with Katherine breaking his heart, that he forgot to grab the key to the binoculars lockbox from Officer Blair when he was rotating off duty. So for this entire voyage they had nothing but their naked eyes to spot any potential hazards in the ship’s path. Freddie knew that Reggie was working towards a promotion, and a careless mistake like forgetting the lockbox key was reason enough to be formally written up. So he didn’t mind covering for Reggie.

That particular night was brutally frigid. He wasn’t sure how Freddie could even fall asleep in this cold. But it didn’t matter. Nothing seemed to matter to Reggie if he couldn’t be with Katherine. What would be the point of living if everyone in your life views you as a failure?

The deadness Reggie had been carrying inside finally gave way and he broke down crying. He muted his sobs so as not to wake up Freddie, but tears filled his eyes. He no longer cared about a stupid promotion or a house or wedding bells if Katherine wasn’t going to be by his side. In fact, he didn’t even care if he fell overboard and drowned in the middle of the ocean.

Reggie contemplated the shame and embarrassment his mum would feel hearing about him jumping overboard. He didn’t want to break her heart along with his. If only there was a way that he could end his misery and spare his mother the indignity of a son who killed himself.

Reggie wiped away the tears brimming on his eyelids. It was at that moment that he saw it–an iceberg directly in their path.

“I should ring the bell” he thought to himself. Adrenaline surged through his veins. “What’s the point though?” he wondered. “Why should I save all those fancy people with their fancy clothes, just to return to an empty apartment?”

The iceberg grew larger as the ship plowed ahead, none the wiser. “Maybe now she’ll realize how great I was once I’m gone and she can’t have me back,” he thought to himself.

Reggie closed his eyes and welcomed his fate. As he sat back in the crow’s nest, he accidentally jostled Freddie who woke up and saw the approaching iceberg.

“Fuckin hell, mate! What have you done for Christ’s sake?” Freddie yelled. He picked up the phone and rang the bridge. When they answered Freddied cried out “ICEBERG! RIGHT AHEAD!”