Dancing through Thunderstorms

It was a normal day at school, the teachers prattled on about subjects that I could care less about, the students took notes like good children; all while I pondered what I was actually gaining from this. I hardly ever studied and yet I passed with flying colors. Most people here assumed I didn’t do my homework based on how I looked. The school counselor said that maybe if I dressed regularly I'd have more friends. The thing was I only wanted one person’s attention, though she never looked at me twice. I was used to unwanted female attention, though I don’t understand why they think I'd ever be interested in them. Every day it’s the same stupid giggle and the stupid little finger wave as I would walk callously by.

Still, maybe I should appear more approachable, maybe then she’d notice me? As I turned down the hallway to head for my locker I saw her. She was an oddball, completely unpredictable and when you think you know what she's going to say or do she’ll throw a curveball at you and you’ll never see it coming. Just like her outfit today. She wore skin-tight leather pants that hugged her toned legs in a way that would make the devil blush. She had on a simple black tank top that tucked into her pants. She had on a neon orange cardigan sweater. Her hair was a rich brown, when it was caught in the light there were flecks of red and gold, she had braided a small bit of hair back and had it held in place with a neon orange ribbon. Her right ear had a gold dragon earring wrapping around the outside, her left ear had a vine earring wrapping around as well. She was short, maybe five foot two if she was lucky, with curves that put country roads to shame. Her face was a cute little heart shape that was soft but defined, her skin was smooth as granite and it made me want to caress her cheek. As she turned to look at me I got caught in her honey brown eyes even though a smile spread across her face I could see the sadness within her eyes.

I saw it every day, unfortunately, the same crippling sadness that made me want to pull her close and tell her everything would be okay. I loved her, that much I knew. She was always so spunky, always laughing and smiling trying to make the best of every day. I always watched her whenever she was in the same room. My eyes couldn’t help but travel towards her, my mind would be filled with thoughts of her. Of the places I wanted to take her, of the things I wanted her to experience, like how her face would light up when she tried new food, or the look of absolute adoration when she was sucked into a new book. I wanted to be around to see every one of her quirks, like how she would softly mutter to herself about a problem she was having. Or how she would write down notes about something in her journal at random points no matter what she was doing. I wanted to march over to her and confess my love. Tell her how beautiful she was, but instead I smirked and walked away like the coward I am. Alexandra Forest owned my heart and I was a coward for not showing her.

School may not be everyone's favorite time of the day, but for me it was freedom and peace. Home wasn’t a word I understood, or how I would define it. A home should be some place you feel safe, secure and loved. Home to me was a place of fear, pain and hate. Here at school I was free to move around as I pleased, free to read or laugh or talk as much as I wanted. There was the occasional bully but they were nothing compared to home. My favorite faculty member was Mr. Jones the librarian. He would special order books for me to read, like my current one, an action thriller with a bit of romance. He would also give me notes to take home so my dad wouldn’t be mad that I was late.

I didn’t really have friends, most of the student body didn’t know I was there and when they did they weren’t nice. The boys didn’t pay me much attention either and if they did pay attention it was usually crude comments. Only one had caught my attention but he seemed to loathe me more than the others. Every day he’d watch me with a scowl on his face like I was the reason his mood was ruined. He was standoffish, rude, a pure asshole if there ever was one but he was sinfully attractive. The girls were always flinging themselves after him but he brushed them off, granted he didn’t pay me any attention either. But a girl can dream right? And dream I did while picking through my locker for my biology book, I was acutely aware of eyes boring into my back and the sound of rubber-soled combat boots echoed down the hall as he approached. I knew it was him, I was always hyper-aware of him, he would walk in the room and it was like an electric buzz zapped me, alerting me he was there. I could always feel his eyes on me. I never looked back at him but I would always watch him walk away.

This time though I did turn to look and time seemed to stop. His spring green eyes bored into mine and I swear it felt like he was picking apart my soul and examining it. He was dressed to kill like any other day, with black cargo pants that hugged his hips so tight I thought they were cutting off circulation. He wore a t-shirt that had an Alice in Chains logo on the front, over the top of that he wore his trademark leather jacket that had a million zippers that I wasn't even sure all worked. He was about six foot three. He wasn't a skinny bean stock as he is muscular from real hard labor that you got from working in construction or farm work. His black hair was mid-length and had a tendency to flop into his eyes. When he was irritated or stressed I'd watch him run his hand through the fine strands and it made my hands jealous. He had a sharp, diamond-shaped face with lines that showed he hadn't had the easiest life but a softness that said his bark was bigger than his bite. Above all else it was his eyes that entranced me, they were the most vibrant shade of green I had ever been blessed to see. His eyes were always guarded, lonely, like he had no one to love him, to care for him, to show him he was worth the time. It pained me to see it. I wanted to take his hand and show him that he was worth the time, that he was worth so much more. He smirked at me, it was almost a painful grimace before he promptly turned and strode away. Jason Maxwell owned my heart but I was too afraid to tell him.

She lived with her father in a little two-bedroom apartment on the first floor. Her room faced my room. I lived in a little studio flat. It wasn't personalized, with white walls and carpet with simple brown furniture. It was what I could afford with my part-time job after school and on the weekends. My only days off were Mondays. I had it worked out with my teachers to give me all the week’s work on Monday so I could get it done in one night. I preferred it that way, always busy, never any free time. It prevented me from dwelling on how alone I always felt. As I sank down onto my bed I looked out the window and watched as she sat down on her bed as well pulling out her homework.

I felt regret deep in my bones, I should have just walked over to her and confessed to her but I was afraid she’d reject me. Watching from afar was less painful. My parents had abandoned me more than once; it wasn't until they were arrested for selling drugs that I was put into the foster care system. I bounced around the foster houses for years. No one ever wanted to keep a teen whose parents had a rap sheet. When I turned sixteen I emancipated myself and moved here to this town hoping to find some peace. A year ago I was contacted by the police, after my parents were arrested their bank accounts had been seized, an investigation was done on where the money came from. Because they couldn’t prove that all the money had been made from drug deals and smuggling they wound up giving it to me as the only living heir. I wound up getting five hundred thousand dollars, so far I hadn’t touched a penny of it, I also inherited the land and cabin that I grew up in. I had all this money and no one to share it with, no one to spoil. I had no real need to work or limit myself to this small apartment but it stopped me from seeing how utterly alone I was. How my parents loved money so much more than their only child.

I eventually wanted to return to my home, but I'd never found enough reason to go back. Until I met her, I wanted more than anything to take her back there, to show her the beauty of the mountains of the fresh air and crisp waters. I just had to find the courage to tell her, to show her that I wasn’t a cruel man but someone who would treat her well, someone who could take her sadness away. I watched her as she pulled out her homework and began to scribble away, occasionally putting the end of the pencil in her mouth as she focused on a problem. But my favorite time of day was when the moon came out. She would open her window and lean out and watch the stars. The way her face was bathed in the moonlight made her look like a Goddess, that made her beauty shine so bright that it hurt my eyes.

I daydreamed while staring at her and thought of all the ways I could prove my worth to her. Show her I was serious about loving her. I didn’t notice right away that she’d moved to the window frantically trying to shut her curtains but something was wrong and they wouldn’t close. I watched with rapt attention as her father burst into her room, he was obviously upset about something as he flung his hands around wildly. Alexandra was plastered to the window; she was absolutely terrified of him. When the first hit came he landed a solid smack to her face, her head jerked sideways and even from here I could see tears pouring down her face. He hit her again and I bolted up. I had to stop him. My blood boiled with a rage I didn’t know I could feel. I would kill him, he was the reason she was always so sad, so guarded about her emotions. I turned to grab my jacket but when I looked back they were both gone, not a second later and I saw her burst from her home and barrel down the street. I sprinted out of my apartment and onto the street. I would find her no matter how far she ran. Thunder clapped overhead and as I sprinted after the woman I loved it began to rain.

I didn’t hate homework, in fact I loved it because I could discreetly watch my neighbor who happened to be Jason. He would always sit on his bed and do homework only on Mondays though. The rest of the week he didn’t get back until really late and I always stayed up watching the moon waiting for him to get back. Tonight was no different. I sat on my bed, legs curled underneath me while working on algebra and every so often I’d peek out my window and watch him. He never had anyone over. I wonder if his parents traveled? He seemed so lonely like he never had anyone to talk to, never had anyone to share his triumphs and failures with, I wanted to be that person. He seemed so hostile but I know there's more than anger below the surface.

Usually, men scare me or make me uncomfortable because of my father. He wasn’t a good man, he was cruel and merciless. But Jason doesn’t scare me, he intrigues me, frustrates me, turns me into a melted puddle of emotions even, but I do not fear him. He’s just so hard to approach he puts off this aura of stay away or get hurt. Like he's afraid if someone gets close he’ll get hurt. I wanted to show him what it could be like to be loved. I wanted him to see the beauty in the world, show him that even in the ugly, there is beauty. I could imagine him smiling and laughing, being free to love himself and others but he has to open up to it.

As I pondered the possibility of confessing my love to Jason, I heard footsteps coming towards my room. My heart kicked into overdrive and began pounding against my ribs. The only person in this house with me was dad and by the sounds of it he was drunk and pissed off. I scrambled out of bed and headed for my window, I didn’t want anyone to see what he would do. It was humiliating. I yanked on my curtains but they wouldn’t close because the tie straps were stuck. I quickly tried to untie them but I was too late. The door burst open and my father stumbled in, he was short only a few inches taller than me with pale blond hair and stick thin. He looked sickly the liquor was killing him but he still drank it anyways. He started yelling at me, telling me I was an abomination, that I was the reason my mom died. That if I hadn’t been born everyone would be better off. I always try to remind myself that he’s drunk and crazy and he doesn't mean it, that it’s not true. But some days he gets through, makes me doubt myself. Makes me ask myself if I'm really meant to be here or if I really was a mistake. He took a threatening step towards me and I pressed myself against the window trying to avoid him.

Tears pricked my eyes, my breath came in short gasps, fear had a tight grip on me, its icy fingers immobilizing me. I saw his hand coming but I couldn’t make myself move out of the way. A loud smack filled the room and my head snapped to the side. Pain radiated from my cheek and tears flowed freely down my face. He raised his hand again and struck in the same spot. The fear finally released its hold on me and I was able to get a grip. I had to get away or a few slaps were going to be the least of my worries. I could come back when he’d cooled down and gone to bed. I quickly darted past him, he spun to try and grab me but he stumbled. I burst through the door and took off running. My body pushed me as fast as it could to get away from the danger. Thunder sounded overhead like a gunshot and then it started to rain.

Her orange sweater was the only thing that helped me keep track of her in a sea of people as she ran. The rain soaked through my clothes and made it hard to see but I didn’t stop. She needed me and I wouldn't fail her again, I wouldn’t walk away from her a second time. I loved her with everything I had and I ached to hold her close. To be her living armor that would protect her from the world. She was so full of light even when her world was off its axis she found reasons to be happy, reasons to smile. I would die if she ever lost that smile.

The rain pounded down harder like it was trying to deter me from getting to her. Thunder clapped over my head so loud I felt the vibrations in my chest. Lightning flashed, illuminating the world in blinding white light and still I kept my eyes on the neon orange like it was a beacon. Never once deterring from my course. She had begun to slow down and I was getting closer just a little more and I would be with her. Just a little more and I would dry her tears and mend her wounded heart. She turned on the street corner and I pushed myself to keep up. As I rounded the corner I saw her head across the street to a little park that was deserted. She sank down onto a bench, pulled her knees into her chest and her hair hung around her like a protective curtain. Her entire body looked as though it was in sorrow at how she’d been treated. I ran towards her and stopped only when I was less than a foot from her and I reached out my hand praying she would take it.

I don’t know how long I ran but I didn’t stop until I found a little park that didn’t have a soul in sight. The rain was pouring down in sheets like it was trying to cleanse away my pain and sorrow. Thunder rolled over my head so loud my teeth rattled. I sat on the park bench and curled in on myself. The cold rain soaked through my clothes chilling me to the bone but I didn’t care. I saw the flashing of lightning through the gaps in my hair, the world illuminated in white light for only a moment before darkness came back. I wanted to run away just pack my bag and go but I could never bring myself to do it. Before it was out of fear that I wouldn’t be able to survive on my own. Now it was because of Jason I couldn’t leave him, if I left now it would be with him.

As I sat on the bench crying I felt a familiar presence slowly I lifted my head and looked up. At first I could only see the silhouette of the person in front of me. Then the lightning flashed and for a moment I thought I was dead because what stood before me must be an angel. Jason stood there, his hair soaked and clinging to his face, his eyes sharp and full of determination, water dripping down his face running into a soaked shirt. As he stared at me he lifted his hand towards me, my first thought was to flinch but he just let it hang there I paused to study his eyes. He wanted me to come with him. He wouldn't force me or try to convince me but he would ask me. Without hesitation I reached out my hand and placed it in his, his hand was burning hot compared to my ice cold one.

With shaky legs I stood and took a step closer to him and that was all the incentive he needed. Without a word he pulled me to him, one hand circled around my waist, the other cupped my cheek softly, his eyes bored into mine. He felt hard and strong pressed up against me, he felt safe and secure, he felt like home.

“I won’t let anyone hurt you again, never again angel.” He whispered, his voice like a balm on my wounds, soothing them, healing them. I leaned into him. I let him support my weight and then his lips were on mine. It was a soft kiss experimental and curious in its movements. His lips were soft and wet as they slid across mine before I felt his tongue gently stroke the seam of my lips. I opened my mouth and allowed him to explore it. A pleasant shock rippled through me, like a jumpstart to my soul. He tasted like mint and chocolate and it made me hum in satisfaction. He responded with a rumbling sound deep in his chest that made my knees go weak. As he ended the kiss I smiled up at him, true happiness for the first time burst forth from my chest and wrapped me in its warm glow. Without another word Jason bent down and swept me up into his arms and started carrying me back the way we came. I should have been afraid that he’d take me back to my dads but I knew in my heart he would keep me safe. We walked for quite awhile in comfortable silence before we reached his apartment. He quickly headed inside and set me down on the edge of his bed then promptly closed the curtains to his room.

I realize now why he never had anyone over, he lived alone. A studio flat for just him, I wonder where his parents were? If he even knew them? As he grabbed towles I looked around his small place and noticed a sketch pad next to his bed. I’ve never been much of an artist but I did enjoy others' work. The first pages were filled with stunning landscapes that looked so real they could have been a picture. I was completely sucked in flipping through each beautiful sketch, then I came across one that made my heart pound in my chest and tears spring to my eyes. It was a meadow with a stream that cut right through the middle, with thick pine trees on either side surrounding it like a shield. Tall grass and flowers painted the meadow, tall mountains rose towards the heavens behind it. In the middle of the meadow was a woman, she had long flowing brown hair and a snow white sundress that had colorful stains splattered across it. It was me and I was smiling and happy, spinning in a circle, my hair flying out around me, kicking water up with my foot. It was beautiful and it made me so desperate to experience it that I started crying.

When I came out of the bathroom I saw her crying over my sketch book. All I could think of was the drawing I did of her in the meadow and what she must be thinking. I quickly ran over and knelt down in front of her. I expected anger from her, I expected her to tell me to screw off. Instead she looked up at me and slid off the bed onto the floor with me. More tears spilled from her eyes but she never looked away from me, I didn’t see anger in her eyes I saw hope. I placed my hands on her cheeks, locking her face close to mine. The sketch book slid from her hands to the floor and she placed them on my chest.

“Jason, do you see me like that? Do you see me happy?” She asked. I used my thumbs to whip away her tears. Her voice, even thick with tears, was the sweetest sound I'd ever heard. Like a bird's song or the babbling of a river, it was calming and peaceful to hear.

“No, I see you smile even though you hurt inside, I hear you laugh even when you’d rather cry. But I foresee you being happy Alexandra, I want to see you smile with true happiness in your heart. I want to hear you laugh because you truly felt it. I see sadness covered with fake enthusiasm, I want to erase your sadness and see you truly happy.” I whispered to her. I watched her closely waiting for a negative reaction but what happened instead nearly made my heart burst with hope for the future. I saw real happiness, it was a small flicker, if only a spark in her eyes, and then she smiled at me. It was the most stunning thing I'd ever seen. I would never be able to recreate the beauty before me on paper. She placed her hands over mine on her face then moved her hand to my cheek.

“You are always lonely, you're guarded from letting anyone near your heart, you snarl and growl when anyone gets even a step too close but you just want someone to love you. I want to see you feel loved Jason, I want to see you smile at those who come close. I want to see you excited to share your life with someone.” My heart nearly stopped when she said those words. She saw me, she really saw me, and it made my heart beat erratically. I couldn’t help the grin that broke out onto my face and she answered with one in kind. I rested my head against hers. “Let's leave Jason, let's go out and find that happiness in you and me, together.” She whispered. I made her look into my eyes seeing if she was serious and what I saw there showed me she would follow me to hell in back if it meant a chance at being happy together.

“I love you Alexandra Forest.” I said standing up and pulling her with me. I laced my fingers through hers and headed for the door. She kept perfect pace with me and reached the handle before me, I peered down at her and she smiled up at me.

“I love you Jason Maxwell.” She said before opening the door and we ran. We ran into the thunderstorm to find our happy ending together.