Conversations With The Beast

This story is for the Vocal "Tall Tail" Challenge which you can read about below:

I was led on the floor which was where I felt most comfortable, he put the television on and switched it on to Sky Sport, Arsenal were playing Manchester United, two London teams who I couldn't stand, well it wasn't the teams it was the fans, Manchester United were not even a Manchester team, they were based in Salford, but many of their fans were cockneys and that riled me.

Me: "Shouldn't there be a rule that you have to at least come from the area before you can support a football team?"

Him: "Manchester United's fans are so fickle, when they were going through bad times they all switched to City, but since Ten Hag has come in and they have started picking up they are now back supporting United. Nigel Black said it right when he called the 'Commodores', 'Once, Twice, Three Times A Season' they only follow them when they are winning"

Me: "It really is not right, they are not real football supporters at all, just glory hunters"

Him: "I really hope Arsenal thrash them, nothing against Manchester United but the fans are so fickle and entitled, the only worse ones are Leeds, Millwall and Cardiff though at least those three stick with their club, I'm just going to get myself a Guinness and watch the match"

The match kicked off and we both watched in absolute dismay as Manchester United took Arsenal apart and Rashford put them ahead. This was not meant to happen even on television. But Arsenal levelled through Nketiah and then took the lead through Saka before Manchester United equalised. Eddie Nketiah sealed the win in the 95th minute.

Me: "Yay that'll make the Manchester United Cockneys miserable, they'll probably be supporting City next week"

Him: "Thank God, I was really worried that Manchester United would turn Arsenal over, but this puts the five points clear in the Premiership race"

Me: "Do you think Arsenal will win the Premiership this season or do you think City, or even United or Newcastle can take it"

Him: "I think Arsenal have a great chance of coming top, they are almost at the levels they hit when Wenger was manager. They will be in the Champions League next season, I have no doubt about that, unfortunately, I think Manchester United have a very good chance as well, but these things happen in football"

and then he said to me something that shocked me

Him: "People are going to think I am absolutely mad had such in-depth conversations with a dog, I am so tired I am going to bed"

He called me a dog!!

We'd been talking all night, I was not an animal, I was a human like him. I got up as well and then saw myself in a reflection in the switched-off television screen.

I had never ever thought about it before I just ate and played and spoke with him when he was at home but it never crossed my mind that I was anything but human, but the face that stared out from the screen was definitely not human but a very handsome German Shepherd.

All my conversations with him when I was expressing deep philosophical observations on the government and football must have just been heard by him as growls and barks.

Addendum

The quote "Once, Twice, Three Times A Season" is taken from the song 'Breaking News' taken from Half Man Half Biscuit's 2002 album Cammell Laird Social Club, which I have included at the start of this story.