Company Handbook

Thank you for your courageous and selfless decision to join The Company!

 Understand all of your basic needs will handled by us from here on out. 😀

We understand that you may be a little confused, so we’ve graciously designed this AI chatbot to answer your most frequent questions.

Q: What happened? 


A: That’s rather broad, don’t you think? Depending on how far back your memory reaches (the proprietary technology that is now a part of you [exciting!] has the pesky side effect of perhaps temporarily wiping memory), you may not remember much at all. Put in the plainest terms, there was an incident on YOUR PLANET (Earth) and you have elected to help put things right.

Q: A part of me?? What? Where??

A: It’s located at the base of your brain stem. It will help.



Q: Why am I here? 


A: We feel like we just answered that, but to be more specific, as one of the best and brightest of your (remaining) species [human], you were specially selected to undergo THE TEST which at it’s core asks if you would be willing to serve in pursuit of THE CAUSE. It is highly unlikely that you remember this process, as it can be a bit intense, but you can trust us that your choice to enlist was completely consensual and not at all under duress. 



Q: What about my friends and family? 


A: Ah, you really don’t remember much of anything, do you? Perhaps that is for the best. At least for now. Suffice it to say that those chosen for THE TEST typically for one reason or another fit more of the “lone wolf” stereotype. You need not be concerned about the goings on back on Earth. 



Q: Wait, back on Earth? Where am I?


A: Our location in space changes, but if you look around you will see the stunning interior of THE COMPANY ship. It may look a little strange to you, but you’ll get used to it. Our technology is very user friendly.



Q: What happened during THE TEST?


A: [Redacted] Sorry about that. Don’t worry about it! You passed! 😀



Q: What if I change my mind?


A: We encourage compliance! Even if you don’t remember, this IS what you wanted. And practically, a reversal of your decision would be extremely costly and quite difficult logistically. 



Q: What happens now?


A: Once you have collected yourself, it is advised that you shower before putting on one of our stylish COMPANY jumpsuits! Even if the sizing seems off initially, it will conform perfectly to your physical dimensions.



Q: Okay… and then?


A: You may have been “asleep” for a long time, and it is likely you are hungry. Exit your chamber (the doors you can access will simply open when you approach) and you will be guided to our mess hall.



Q: Guided by…? Whom? 


A: You will be guided! 😀



Q: What’s on the menu for today? (Laughter)


A: It is good that your spirits seem to be improving! Your caloric and nutritional needs are provided by a completely optimized viscous substrate. Our patented formula intelligently knows how to work with your unique system. It’s very efficient. 



Q: What am I really here for? 


A: Are you inquiring about THE CAUSE itself? 



Q: Yes???


A: Wonderful! THE CAUSE is very dear to us. THE COUNCIL has elected to put the beings in charge of this ship at the helm of figuring out exactly how and why things went wrong and fixing it by any means necessary. Their combined intelligence has deemed that this is the best course of action at this time.



Q: The “beings” in charge?? So not human? And what is the course of action?


A: That’s technically three questions. 😀 The Beings are wise. They are to be trusted.



Q: What is the course of action? 


A: To fix what went wrong. 😀



Q: ??????


A: [Input not recognized] 



You’ve reached the limit for use of this chatbot.

Now how about that shower? Your guide is waiting. 😀