Cold Heart

I walk in the street trying to get across to the sidewalk. February's angry winds hit against my face causing me to wince. I’m dreading this meeting but I know it was bound to come. Things changed. I could feel it like the cloud filled with gray above me. We haven’t been happy in a while but, doesn’t mean I don’t care about us.

Man, it’s so cold out it seems fitting for today’s events. I haven’t heard from him till today when he texted me to meet in the park we always used to go to. I try to walk as slow as possible but, still almost slip on the glass like ice. My hands are numb and I can’t help but feel that way in my heart too. I made it to the park. I feel like a dumbbell is on my chest with every step it gets heavier.

He is talking but the only words that are in my head is him saying “We are over”. He’s crying, I feel a lump in my throat the size of a golf ball. He looks at me his face is puffy. Seeing him upset makes me feel even more empty. He stops crying and talking then just waves goodbye. I’m left alone in the cold with nothing but my broken heart to keep me warm. We drifted apart the last few weeks and I understand why he wanted to end it. We got so used to being each other’s world but something got in the way. Slowly everything slowed down and we talked less. I decided to walk through the park trying to remember the good times we had. That tree is where we had our first date. I remember being so nervous. The tree was as wide as can be and had leaves that made a crunch sound as they fell. There’s a checker table and a few bench’s spread around. A squirrel runs up the tree in a hurry. A playground is in the distance empty because of the cold. To the right of the benches is a pond so beautiful in summer but dark in winter. It's frozen from the bitter cold wind. I woke from my day dream of the past and could feel wetness in my shoes. Suddenly I began to sink. I must have walked in the frozen lake so lost in thought.

I started to scream for help feeling the coldness take over my body. Now it seems my body temperature matches my cold heart. I try with all my might to keep above water trying to grab at the iced edges above me. As I started to lose hope a warm hand pulled me up. As my eyes begin to drift closed I lock eyes with my rescuer. They are the deep brown eyes I’ve come to know and love. I wake up in his arms still out of it from my cold dip in the pond. He’s holding me like he used to. I look up at him and he smiles. I’m shivering from my wet clothes. He holds my head and says “Are you okay?! Are you hurt?!”. I say “I’m okay now that you're here” he brings me to my feet.

As he’s holding me while we walk I take in the park that we both know so well. The only warmth I can feel is from him and the memories of us running through my head. I stop walking and he asks if I’m okay and I pull his coat closer around me. I Say “I don’t want to lose you. I know things have been hard lately but I need you. What just happened back there was the scariest thing I have been through when I was in that water barely keeping my head up all I could think about was you. You saved my life and I don’t want to waste anymore time being in my head”. He looks at me for a long time without saying anything. I fill the silence by babbling “ I know it's been a hard couple months. We have different schedules which has made it hard to see each other. I know I haven't tried as much as i should have but i'm willing to fight for this. You don’t have to decide anything now” He cuts me off mid babble with a kiss. I lean into it taking all the warm I can get. He stops kissing me and smiles. He says “That's all I've been wanting to hear for months. I'm glad I was there to save you. We still have a lot to talk about. But let's start with getting you some hot chocolate.

We walk hand in hand on the path out of the park. I look back at the pond and the me-sized hole and shiver. Seems like all I needed was a cold splash of water to my face to realize how much time I spent in my head.