Call Dan

Hey, I'm awake. My ringer is on. Call me if you need anything, okay? Hope you're all right.

Sweet Dan. I was thankful for the voicemail. Even though I didn't plan on answering the call, it was good to know he was there. I'd texted him just asking if he was awake, but we're miles away from each other now, since the move, and he knows better than to believe that was just a 2am let's-play-COD text. But that was half a bottle of vodka ago, and I've gotta say, I'm feeling better.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Vodka? Well, my lady loved bloody Marys, but she's gone. Took most of everything with her, but left the alcohol for me. Almost like she knew I'd need it. Cheers.

I don't hate her. I don't. I know people will say I do, or that I should, but honestly? I can't. I can't blame her for leaving when I wasn't what she wanted, and she deserves to be happy, right?

I could've gone without her moving in with him right away, but whatever.

I thought she was it. You get to a certain age and you believe the person you're with is the person you'll be with forever. And it's not like we were married. She wasn't obligated to stay, but... I still thought she would. I guess my red flags didn't look so green anymore, and I can't blame her for that. I knew they were red, or beige at the least. I knew they weren't green, but not alarming enough to bother. Maybe he just didn't have those flags at all. Maybe his were all green.

But I'm not mad at him. No, he's not the man I'm mad at. He's not the one that lost her. Cheers to him. I hope he manages to keep her.

The liquor tastes sour and burns, but there's nothing here to mix it with. The fridge is empty except for leftover Chinese and five cans of Red Bull, and I suppose I could mix it with the Bull, but I want to drink myself to sleep, not to death. I don't need wings tonight.

It's funny how warm the tile is. Well, not warm. It's cold. But it's comfortable. My head is spinning a bit. The fan is on too fast and the shadows are dancing on the walls. But it's the bathroom and there are no fans in here.

I was thinking of marrying her, you know? I mean, I didn't have a ring or anything, but I was – I think – gonna. Probably. I wanted to. Good thing I didn't though, hey?

It's just... she's warm. A–And she has that kinda smile that makes you imagine her laughing with your kids and pushing them on the swings. I told Dan about that. And he gets it. He's–He's married. I thought probably that I couldn't live without her. He knows that, too.

But it's been, what? A couple weeks, maybe? And I've made it this far. I have about a dozen texts from my boss, but hey, who's counting?

My vision is a little blurry. Where are my glasses?–Do I have glasses? There's something on the floor over there. It's orange. Or maybe it's yellow...

But you know, I really felt my best around her. I know I wasn't perfect but she let me feel pretty good. With her, I was good. I might not have always been a good man, maybe I'm still not, but with her I was a good man. I liked that man.

I think it's my prescription bottle. I guess I'm out. Didn't I just fill it? ... Whatever.

I'm sure this new guy is a good guy though. He makes her happy and that's more than I could do, so yeah, he's probably a good guy, and that's good for her, she should have a good guy. A goooood good guy.

Wait a minute. No... I filled those last Thursday. Why are they all over the floor? They're supposed to... Why aren't they on the shelf?

But the cabinet is open and everything is toppled over. I try to read the prescription bottle and it's the Prozac my doctor recommended, since the "episode."

Well. ... I guess it might be a good time to call Dan after all.