Busy Doing Nothing

Jenna was ever ready with her plans for the day. Every single day she drafted a to-do list with the priorities as Clean the room, start that novel, reach out to an old friend, memorize a new equation. But alas, as the hours progressed, the list lay idle and her motivation faded away just like the sand in an hourglass.

These days, she was immobile on her recliner, phone in hand, staring in an indifferent manner. The watch had hands that moved, Minutes turned into hours instead. She had to get off the lounge or sofa or chair and do something but somehow some hour, that very simple plan, just… didn’t happen.

"I’m just going to lie down and rest for a little while," she thought to herself although in quite a good depth she realized that it was not really true. It had started repeating. Already by now she was aware of what this day was going to be like.

She watched a funny video, laughed a little, and then felt empty after that. When few movements bored her, she shifted her attention to the game on her phone, flicking her fingers on the screen with little interest. Everything movement seemed to have little energy as though she was just performing the motions.

Out of nowhere, Lily, her friend, called. Jenna hesitated, but then picked up the phone.

“Hey, Jenna! Hope you’re well? Are you busy?” Lily asked in her usual cheerful tone.

“Of course,” Jenna replied almost instinctively. “There’s a lot to get on with.”

Well, she had to admit that much in the present situation. She giggled. “Busy wasting time, without anything constructive, no?”

Jenna was offended. “What do you mean?”

“Stop it already.” Lily laughed, “You Keep Stereotyping Yourself As An Active Individual. Only To Inform That You Are, In Fact, Unable To Make A Move. It Is As If There Is A Blockage In Your Attention: Execution Phase.”

Jenna wanted to argue but couldn’t find the right words instead, she just said “I just… I don’t know how to start things.”

“Start from any point!” Lily said. “What about going out maybe? Just a simple walk.”

Jenna turned her gaze to the window. The sun was shining, and the outside world seemed tranquil and inviting. “Maybe,” she replied while feeling a bit hopeful to stand up only to shrug her shoulders.

When the call was over, she lifted herself up, yawned, and wore her shoes. She was not herself as if even that small step of going out would cause her to break the vicious cycle of ‘being busy while not doing anything.’

As she moved about the neighborhood, there were a number of things she observed that she had not done before. Children were playing in the park, an elderly couple sartorially hand in clad, a dog barking noisily at nothing. Content, simple but real.

It struck her that, sometimes, being ‘busy’ was simply an excuse to stay within herself, imprisoned within her thoughts. Inside, everything was dense and foggy. Outside, things were lighter, clearer.

After returning, Jenna took her list. For a change, she did not feel compelled to put an ending to the story. She instead chose to do one small thing – call her mother. They laughed, shared almost nonsensical stories and arranged to meet.

However, the rest of the day still had purge pockets for her, minutes when she slumped back to the familiar inclination of idleness. But at this moment, she was feeling more in charge.

Later in the evening, Jenna grabbed a notepad and started writing down her thoughts. It was nice to put something down even if it was only a few lines. She wrote, “I don’t have to do everything. Just doing one thing is good enough.”

There was a stir within her, a stillness which she was not accustomed to for a long while. The task was present, however, it was not something that she would consider a burden. She could start off small and allow the rest to follow.

As Jenna made preparations to sleep, she smiled, cognizant of the fact that the day had been unique. It was a day where she had accomplished something. Not everything, just something.

And maybe, she pondered, that was all that she needed in truth.

Sometimes, it is alright not to finish everything in one sitting. Making little steps can prevent the “busy doing nothing” of the cycle and bring about change in other ways.