Another night

Another night, all she wanted to do was fall asleep. She had learned that all you had to do was count sheep. She had even tried listening to the hush of ocean waves or falling rain. Tonight she was exhausted. She had stayed up to watch the football game. Her eyes had barely been able to stay open. She like a barn owl silently fell asleep. But her dreams were not silent, her dreams were not still, her dreams did not bring her peace. But when she awoke the next morning she was just relieved that she had slept. And yes it was past her usual morning start time. Yes, she was not an emotional mess. She took her bath and got dressed. She combed and fixed her hair even though nobody would see it. This was her retirement she was not going to get depressed.

This was her retirement, time to go down her bucket list. A Spanish song played on Alexa. She smiled thinking of him, not understanding the words of the song. She couldn't figure out why Alexa occasionally played songs she had not requested. She knew she should have corrected Alexa, but her heart skipped a beat and in her innocence, she smiled. Some days she could still remember his face, but she knew for the rest of her life she would remember how he made her feel. Even today thinking of him she started humming. She started singing and dancing. All of a sudden cleaning the house seemed doable. And then just as quickly a tear came to her eye. She was a pro at fighting this show of emotion. It had been years ago, she had assumed that by now she would have found someone new. But not many men made her feel the magic, made her heart go insane. She laughed most of them, all she wanted was to push them away. She had tried match.com and that absurd app that showed you a picture. Wow had this world ever gone insane. Who could find the love of their life that way? These women must just settle. She knew she would never sell her life for a price. Holding onto a man that she did not love, just because he was the only one who asked her to get married. She felt her mood shifting. She felt anger grow within her. This was the curse she had to occasionally fight. She listened to "cause I am" on Alexa. She was definitely an unconventional woman, a one of a kind, and she expected to be treated that way. She was lonely some days she felt as if she was going out of her mind, but to be stuck with a man who made her cringe was not part of her plans for her life. Finely the kitchen began to sparkle. She felt an inner joy that she had never imagined a clean kitchen would bring. She smiled, back to her retirement. She had always believed that she would never be a housewife, but she was alone, with not enough funds to hire a maid. Plans in her life did not always work the way she had planned. So now she felt pride in her clean kitchen. She stared at her computer. She felt a tension in her stomach. She only had a thousand towards the five thousand she needed. The market was falling, but she did not cry, she had determination. She had will, she had desire. Like the barn owl after a good sleep, she would fly into the desires of her life. Her camera, her life, her artwork. She felt at peace as she planned. She felt a joy. She felt in control of her life. She was winning the battle of her retirement. It was going to go as she planned,after all this was her life