Already Home

“Where is it?!” Sammy threw clothes out of her laundry basket and onto the floor.

“Where’s what?” Her little sister, Jen, stood in the doorway with a puzzled look on her face. She had just gotten home from school.

“Mom’s old backpack.” Sammy groaned.

“It’s right there.” Jen pointed to the raggedy black and white backpack that was half under Sammy’s bed.

“Thank goodness!” Sammy shrieked.

“What’s so important about that old thing?” Jen stared at her sister who was now cradling the bag.

“I need to pack it.”

“Why?” Jen walked into the room, kicking away piles of clothes with her feet. She sat down on the edge of Sammy’s bed and watched her shove items into the backpack.

“I need to go to mom.” Sammy frantically searched her room for some of her mother’s belongings.

“Mom?” Jen rolled her eyes. “Why do you need to go to her?”

“Because she left.”

“Again?” Jen wasn’t surprised. She was used to her mother weaving in and out of her life.

“Yes. She left this letter.” Sammy took a piece of paper out of her back pocket and handed it to Jen.

The letter was written in pink ink and read, “Hey, baby girls. I just wanted to say that I found a man and we’re getting hitched! We’ll be back for you when we tie the knot and settle down...I promise. Be good to grandpa. Love, Mama xoxo!”

Jen sighed. “That’s nice.” She had a nonchalant tone.

“Nice?” Sammy shot her an angry look. “It’s not nice! I’m going to find her.”

“Find her? Where?” Jen frowned.

“I don’t know. Look, I’m going to find mom.”

“What am I supposed to tell grandpa?”

“Tell him I went to a friend’s house.”

“Yeah, right. That will never fly. Let me come with you. I don’t want to have to explain that you ran off.”

“No, you’re just a kid.”

“I’m ten and a half. You’re just four years older than me, so what does that mean?”

“I’m a teenager.”

“And I’m coming with you.” Jen insisted.

“Fine. Let’s go.” Sammy took the letter from her mother, which Jen placed on her bed, and pocketed it.

Jen looked on Sammy’s desk and found a pencil and ripped a page from her copybook and wrote her grandfather a quick note.

“Well! Are you coming?” Sammy had already made her way to the front door and shouted to her sister.

Jen ran to Sammy and the pair made their way out the door. They lived in a somewhat rural area. It was a small town where everyone knew each other. If there was an unfamiliar face, the person was more than likely just passing through. Jen liked it that way, Sammy didn’t.

It wasn’t odd for Sammy to want to chase after her mother. She’d done it for years. Sammy was ever-so confident in being able to locate her but Jen was just going along to make sure Sammy stayed safe.

“Where exactly are we going?” Jen questioned as she watched her sister speed walk down the dusty road.

“I’m not sure. We’ll just walk for a while, show people her picture.”

“That old picture? Are you serious?” Jen winced.

“What is your problem? Why are you even here?” Sammy’s face was cold.

“I’m here to keep you safe,” Jen yelled in response.

“I don’t need your protection.”

“Yes, you do. Grandpa always says to look out for you because you got a heart of gold and it attracts thieves.”

“You don’t even know what that means.”

“I know he said to look out for you.”

“I’m looking out for mom.”

“She can look out for herself. She’s always done it.” Jen kicked the dust under her shoes.

“That’s not true. She’s trying to make a better life for us.”

“While not actually being in our lives?”

Sammy was annoyed. Jen didn’t understand. Really, how could she? Their mother ran off for the first time when Jen was only two. She left the girls with her parents without so much as a goodbye. As the years went by, she was in and out of their lives, constantly proclaiming how hard she was working to create a better life for them. The only change she made was the different boyfriends she’d bring home every visit. Jen didn’t have a relationship with her mother and she honestly didn’t want one.

“She’s doing what she has to. I just need to find her so I can tell her that she doesn’t have to leave us. We can go along with her. I don’t mind if our lives aren’t perfect right now.” Sammy had a hopeful smile on her face.

“Are you kidding me? She left us. She always leaves us. The one person that’s always been here is grandpa. If grandma didn’t die, she’d be here for us still. You’re running after someone who’s running from you.”

“That’s a lie!” Sammy balled her fist.

At that moment, a car drove alongside the girls. Jen eyed it with concern. “Let's get away from this car.”

“Hey, girls!” A clean-shaven man hollered to them. “Need a ride? Where you headed?”

“To our mom,” Sammy spoke with little hesitation.

“Shut up, Sammy! Don’t talk to strangers.” Jen poked her in the arm.

“I can get you there faster. I saw her down the street.” The man drove slowly, trying to match their walking pace.

“Really?” Sammy stopped suddenly, causing Jen to bump into her. “Okay.” She walked over to the driver's side door.

“What? Are you crazy!” Jen shook her head in disbelief and grabbed Sammy’s arm. “Don’t be insane. He doesn’t even know who we are, let alone mom.” She whispered.

“Stop!” Sammy pulled away. She searched through the backpack she now had in her hand. She took out her mother’s old high school photo and showed it to the man.

“Yep! That sure is the gal I saw.

“You see!” Sammy put the picture back and placed the backpack on her shoulder once more.

“No!” Jen shouted.

Sammy turned to face Jen with her back to the stranger.

Jen held Sammy’s wrist and widened her eyes. “Don’t go.” She mouthed.

The man grew impatient and grabbed hold of the disheveled backpack. “Hey!” He eyed Jen. “If you don’t want to get your mother, that’s fine. She, on the other hand, is coming with me.” He yanked the backpack, pulling Sammy closer.

“What?” Sammy staggered back, putting both her hands against the car door to avoid falling down.

“Get in!” The man’s soft voice had turned into a growl.

Sammy tried to pull away but his grip tightened and he slightly ripped the backpack as he tugged on it. Jen knelt quickly and took a handful of dirt in her hand and threw it in his face. He screamed but barely released the backpack. Sammy saw her chance to wiggle her arms out of the straps and Jen pulled her forward. The two scurried away ducking behind a house. Their hearts raced as they hid in bushes in the backyard of the house.

The man cursed at them and drove off. His speed caused a dust cloud to remain after he was long gone.

Jen held her sister tightly. “Are you okay?” Jen was out of breath.

“No.” Sammy whimpered.

“Did he hurt you?” Jen examined her sister.

“The backpack!” Sammy placed her face in her hands and cried.

“The backpack?” Jen said angrily. “Who cares about that stupid thing!” Are you kidding me?” Jen got up and slapped dirt off of her pants.

“I do. Mom's stuff was in there. Her picture.” Sammy got out of the shrubs.

“You’re impossible.” Jen flung her arms to her sides.

“Come on. We’ll walk behind these houses and go to the diner. Maybe someone there has seen her.”

“No! It’s getting dark. We need to go home.”

“I’m going to the diner,” Sammy said as she walked off.

Jen closed her eyes and breathed deeply. “Wait up.” She began to jog towards her sister.

It had only been an hour since they left home but to Jen, it felt like an eternity. She shook her head as Sammy talked about seeing their mother again. The only thing that concerned Jen was getting to the diner safely. She hoped that her grandfather was there picking up some food for them, something he did from time to time.

Once they were about a two-minute walk from the diner, Sammy began to run for the door. Jen followed closely behind.

The sound of the bell alerted the patrons to the girls’ arrival.

The head waitress gave the girls a warm smile. “Where’s your grandpa?” The waitress asked as she wiped the counter.

“He hasn’t come by here?” Jen asked in disappointment.

“No. Not today. Don’t tell me you girls are alone.” The waitress looked out the window for any sign of an adult companion.

“We’re looking for our mom.” Sammy blurted out.

“Your mom?” The waitress gave a look of pity. She knew how their mother was all too well.

Jen widened her eyes and nodded her head. She said nothing. She was young but was more mature and accepting of what type of mother they had.

“She left early this morning. Came here and said her goodbyes. She was with a…” The waitress paused, realizing what she was about to say. “She left with a suitcase. Said she was headed to Atlanta.”

“Atlanta?” Sammy perked up. Finally, she had an idea of where her mother was going.

“Listen, I’m just about off my shift. Need a ride home?”

“Uh... Grandpa is going to pick us up. I completely forgot he said to meet him next door. I had a long day at school. It slipped my mind.” Sammy gave a weak smile.

“Are you sure? Stay here until he gets—” Sammy cut the waitress off.

“Look! I see him. Okay, bye!” Sammy grabbed Jen by her forearm and practically dragged her out of the diner.

“I don’t see grandpa’s truck. Where is he?” Jen looked around the parking lot.

“Sis! We know where mom is going now. How much money do you have? I got five bucks.”

“Twenty dollars. Why? And I still don’t see grandpa.” Jen looked around once more.

“Good, we have twenty-five bucks. We can catch a taxi as far as it’ll take us and then find a way to get to Atlanta from there.” Sammy smiled.

“You are crazy. We won’t get anywhere with that amount of money. Atlanta is in another state, miles from here. I’m not risking my life to chase after someone who doesn’t want to be a mother.” Jen folded her arms.

“I’ll go alone.” Sammy looked down at her feet. “Can I have the twenty?”

“No! And you go ahead. Put yourself in danger. I’m going home. You can forget about me giving you a cent. Oh, I’m going to tell grandpa everything.” Jen turned and walked away from Sammy. She was done trying to protect her. It was more responsibility than the ten-year-old wanted.

“I don’t need you anyway!” Sammy shouted at Jen, who didn’t bother to respond. “I’ll find mom on my own.” She said softly. She began to cry. Sammy sat down on the curb. Trying to gather her composure, she wiped away the tears that ran down her cheeks.

A way up the street, Jen had managed to fight any desire to cry. She was tired and hungry and upset. If only her sister would just get over their mother. She could never have a normal life because whenever her mother wasn’t in the picture, she was busy trying to stop Sammy from chasing after her.

Jen stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and closed her eyes. She wished that the night would go better. She wished for Sammy to give up her quest and go home. She wished for a nice juicy burger. Interrupting her concentration was the sound of shrieking tires coming towards her. Thinking it was the man from early, she immediately opened her eyes.

“Grandpa!” Jen recognized her grandfather’s fire engine red truck and ran towards it.

Her grandfather effortlessly hopped out of his truck, scooped Jen up, and kissed her on the forehead. “I got your note. I was so scared.” His hands trembled as he held her face. “Where is Samanta?” His eyes scanned the nearby surroundings.

“She’s down there.” Jen pointed to Sammy who was a few yards away from them.

“Get in the truck.” The old man made a sigh of relief. He feared something awful had happened to his granddaughters after finding his daughter’s old backpack on the side of the road. He was relieved to find them both seemingly unharmed.

Jen climbed into the truck. She noticed the backpack but didn’t say anything. With Jen inside the vehicle, her grandfather jumped in and drove down to where Sammy was sitting. Her face was in her lap with her arms wrapped around her knees.

“Sam?” Her grandfather slowly walked towards her.

“Grandpa?” Sammy lifted her head, tears trickled down her face.

Her grandfather sat down next to her and let out a grunt. “Not as young as I use to be.” He laughed.

Sammy said nothing. She could barely look him in the eye. Jen watched the scenario through the truck's windshield and tried to make out what was being said.

“Come here.” He extended his arms and waited for Sammy to go in for an embrace.

Sammy leaned into her grandfather’s chest and sobbed. “She left, again.”

“I know.” He stroked her hair. Tears began to form in his eyes. He, too, couldn’t understand why his daughter never wanted to stick around. He couldn’t understand why she would continue to abandon her own children. “She’ll be back.” He tried to reassure Sammy.

“Why can’t she stay? Why doesn’t she want to be with us?”

“She does… I don’t know. She’ll see in time, I suppose.” He had made a vow never to lie to the girls. He knew their mother honestly didn’t want to be a part of their lives.

“I want to make a home with her, be a family.”

“She knows where to find you and she will, once she’s found herself. Until then, you’re already home. You have us.” Their grandfather could hear as Jen approached. “Come, Jen.”

Jen squeezed in between her sister and grandfather. She felt Sammy’s hand rub her back and knew it was her way of apologizing.

“Let’s go home, then,” Sammy whispered. For the first time, she felt complete. She had realized that she had run off just like her mother always did. She couldn’t live like that. It would break her grandfather’s heart. Whether her mother came back or not, she promised herself that she wouldn’t go after her—not this time.