Alone in the Stars

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It’s been three months since I lost contact with planet earth. Our supplies are running low, our ship is too damaged to attempt a landing and my crew have lost their minds to the point of madness. Our fuel levels won’t allow us to turn back now, and all that lies ahead of us is a barren world with little hope of long-term survival. I fear that this may be the end. I miss the Earth. I miss the greenery that comes so naturally to the world I was born in. I miss the warmth of the sun on my skin and watching the sky turn red as it sinks into the haze of the horizon. But it’s you I miss most of all, my love.

I was so excited when we were selected to be a part of the first teams sent to Mars. I wished for us to be together on the journey to our new life but knowing that you weren’t far behind me and that we’d be together in two short years made it all worth it. I was thrilled by the idea of stepping into the unknown galaxy to venture forth on behalf of humanity. It felt like all I wanted was to leave everything I once knew behind and start anew. I realise now that perhaps I just wanted to run away from the world, my family, the crushing weight of the world’s problems.

I remember the night before I left Earth. You took me out to a quiet lookout a little way out from the city. The night was clearer than what I was used to, so much so that even a few stars pierced through the thick atmosphere. It’s hard to find places like that so close to the city. You placed your hands in mine then held me for what felt like both an eternity and a fleeting moment. I felt small yet safe in your arms and I wished to never leave your side.

You promised me that you would always be with me, and with that you gave me your final gift to me; a small heart locket with the inscription “together in the stars”. You were always the sentimental one, but I have worn it every day from the moment you gave it to me. I liked to think that the heart hanging from the chain around my neck was your heart resting against mine as I waited out the months until we were together again.

The day of the launch felt like a whirlwind. All ten of us crammed together onto the fragile aircraft to be left to the mercy of a thin metal vessel hurled into the void of space. My heart raced as the vibrations of the launch shook me to my core. For a moment, my soul was fraught with dread as the rattling of the rocket filled my ears, suddenly aware of the fragility of my being. As the shaking slowly subsided the shape of the earth came into view, stilling my fears as I gazed upon the smooth blue sphere that I once called home. The stars were blue and clear like tiny icicles accenting a dark canvas, nothing like I’d ever seen before on Earth. I wish you could have been there with me as I witnessed the vastness of space for the first time.

Every day I kept myself busy so the time would roll by faster. The ship is small and difficult to navigate with the lack of gravity, and seven months is too long to harbour conflicts with my fellow crewmates, so I buried myself into my work, recalculating every factor of our trajectory, taking every opportunity to perform even the most tedious of tasks. I cherished every message I received from you, holding onto your every word like a great treasure. From you I could hear about everything that was happening on Earth, what I had left behind.

I tried not to worry when you told me about the tumultuous environment of back home, but I couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of dread that earth’s problems may not be over like I hoped they would. Political tension began to rise as the public become ever divided about the idea of colonising Mars. Riots demanding more stringent policies to combat climate change became increasingly violent, and diplomatic threats were tossed around from country to country concerning the number of citizens Mars would be able to accommodate from around the world. China grew increasingly intimidating, threatening the possibility of war if NASA failed to send enough their population out of planet. I even began to question whether colonising Mars would really solve Earth’s overpopulation problem. Was I selfish for leaving behind the tens of billions of people that are left to stay on our overcrowded world? Was abandoning our planet neglecting our responsibility to our home?

When your transmissions suddenly ceased two months ago, I at first thought our communication systems were down but I couldn’t find any reason why they shouldn’t be working. Sleep failed to find me as my mind turned over and over every horrible reason why we were left alone in the vacuum of space. Day after day the inbox remained empty as I longed to hear something, anything to show that someone still remembered us. The crew all felt it too; every meal we sat in tense silence in dread of what was to come.

After a week of sleepless nights and long lonely days, the silence was finally broken. I cannot describe the joy and relief I felt when the screen finally displayed “One new message”. My joy was quickly cut short as the news of what had occurred began to sink in. The International Space Station had also lost contact with Earth but had seen first-hand what was happening.

My crew huddled around our small screen in horror as we watched white radiant bursts of ash and flame erupting from cities like tiny stars twinkling in and out of existence on the surface of the earth. Despite China’s earlier threat I still don’t know with certainty who initiated the first attack, but from what we saw, no one involved was spared from the devastation. I had heard rumours of a growth in nuclear weapon production, but never would I have predicted the level of insanity that one must have reached to initiate a war of this scale. Based on our estimates, very few if any would have survived the destruction.

The crew rapidly fell into despair and chaos. What was left of our alcohol supply quickly vanished as we wrestled with the reality that there was little left of what we called home. Two of our crew succumbed to their despair and flung themselves from the airlock never to be seen again. I suppose I don't blame them. How could we continue when as far as we knew we were truly alone in the stars?

I refused to let myself become lost in the darkness. I have been waiting in the hopes that someone was still out there. I held on to the faintest possibility that you’re still alive, and that you’re waiting for me too on our war-torn planet. I have not failed to make a transmission every day in the hopes that you can hear me. You promised me that we would soon be together again on this strange new world that would soon become our home. We’d grow old together, see our children grow up and thrive. I now grow old without you. All that remains of you now is my thoughts, my love, the memories we had together. The locket you gave me still rests against my heart as the only piece of you I have left.

I wish I could say that we’ll be together once more, but the lights are growing dim now. They say the captain must go down with the ship and that's exactly what our captain decided to do. In a fit of madness he proceeded on a rampage throughout the ship, destroying everything in his path. Our power module has been damaged beyond repair; I believe we only have a few more hours left before everything shuts down. I don't even know if this message will make it out into the universe.

If you’re still alive and by some miracle manage to receive this message, I’m sorry I couldn’t make it back to you. Leaving you was the biggest mistake I have ever made. Even if it meant dying with you, I would have happily died with you on the planet that has and always will be my home.

This will be my final transmission. I hope that you’re in a better place than I, wherever you are.

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