All Those Things

My breath trembled. I was shaking. I wanted desperately to get up, but pain shot through my body every time I did.

But I had to. I couldn’t let somebody find me like this.

I eased my way out of the bed and winced a little when my feet hit the floor. I put my clothes back on as I find them, shuffling around the room a little bow-legged as I feel the muscles in my thighs spasm.

I see a tear in my underwear and a brief flashback makes me sick to my stomach. The pain feels fresh all over again and I have to catch myself on the wall to keep from falling. A throbbing headache flares up behind my eyes.

I try to quickly steady my breathing before I enter the hallway. The bed behind me is in complete disarray, but I need to get out of here. Out of this room, out of this house. Maybe even out of this town.

I emerge from this dark room into a crowded upstairs hallway. I keep my head down. The bass of some song I vaguely recognize seems to shake the entire house. I pass multiple drunk couples making out furiously in the middle of the walkway, some shuffling toward one of the bedroom doors. Two juniors I recognize, each of them dating someone other than the person they’re kissing, disappear into the room I just left moments after I pass them. I try not to think about how gross that is.

My arms are wrapped around myself and if I could shrink any farther into myself I would.

I keep an eye out as I go down the stairs, the shooting pains dulling into blunt aches. I don't see him anywhere, but I know he hasn’t left yet. He wouldn’t turn down a party like this, even after what had just happened.

I slowly weave through the crowd toward the front door, becoming desperate to feel the cool fresh air on my face. Drunk and dancing bodies bumped into me constantly but I kept moving forward.

The night air felt perfect as I stepped onto the wrap-around porch and closed the door behind me. It was amazing how quiet it was out here, almost like the walls were soundproof. Or maybe the booming music had weakened my ears and rendered me momentarily deaf.

I took a moment to collect myself and gather my thoughts. It turned out to be a mistake.

There he was, leaning against the railway of the porch, a joint hanging from his lips as he talked to some girl. I didn’t know her, but I could tell she was pretty young. Definitely a freshman.

He was facing away from me, so he hadn’t seen me yet. I should escape now, hurry down the steps and bolt to my car.

But I saw his hand on the girl’s waist. I saw it slide further down and back.

I tried saying his name, but it stuck in my throat. “M--,” I muttered. “Mark.”

He finally turned to me and I expected a scared expression at being caught in the act of attempting to force himself on this girl, but he just gave a smirk. The shadows from the porchlight made it look more sinister than it was, but it still made my skin crawl.

The girl scurried away, going through the side entrance of the house. Whether she was scared of me or Mark I wasn’t sure.

“Quick recovery,” Mark said quietly, taking a step closer to me. He put out the joint, jamming the end of it into the railway, leaving a black scorch on the pristine white wood. It mirrored how I felt.

“Stay away from that girl,” I said. “I don't even know her, but I know she deserves better than a piece of shit like you.”

“Jealous, are we?” he asked, the smirk never leaving his face. “Ready for round two?”

I shuddered at the threat. “Screw you,” I said. I whirled around and stomped away.

“No,” he said and I heard him start a video on his phone from behind me. “Screw you.”

My brain went into panic mode. I couldn’t make out what was on the screen from here, but I didn’t need to. I recognized my own groans and whines, even when he got to the part when he covered my mouth. It felt like my ability to breathe was being taken away just the same.

“Delete it,” I begged, my voice breaking. “Please.”

“I don’t know,” he said. “It seems like the type of thing my millions of followers would want to see.” He only had a couple hundred thousand, but they would spread it even farther. It would surely go viral.

“Please,” I said, tearing pinging my eyes as I walked back to him. “Please don’t.”

He sighed. “Maybe I won’t post it. Not yet anyway.”

I figured I wouldn’t get a better answer than that. I nodded and turned to leave.

“Hold up,” he said. “If I’m doing this favor for you, what are you gonna do for me?”

I could say I’d go to the cops if he did. Or I’d tell everyone what he had done. But he would know those were empty threats. I wouldn’t tell anyone. It would destroy me. And who would believe me? I wasn’t the star of the football team. I wasn’t the preacher’s son. I wasn’t the most popular guy in school. I wasn’t the senior class president. I wasn’t president of the student council or the National Honor Society. He was though. He was all those things.

“Please, Mark,” I said, my voice becoming even quieter. “What more could you want?”

I flinched as he roughly grabbed me, pulling me close. I could feel him press himself against me. “I can think of a few things,” he whispered. “Let’s go upstairs. I’ll show you.”

I tried to pull away, to shove him away. It was useless. He didn’t even have to move to fight back.

I eventually went limp and just allowed my head to slowly move up and down. He pulled open the front door and led me right back up the stairs I’d just struggled to get down. The bedroom we had been in was once again unoccupied. He locked the door behind us and shoved me back onto the bed. I stayed as limp as a rag doll, hoping it would be fast but knowing it would be anything but.

And if he kept that video, I knew this wouldn’t be the last time.