A Session on the Psychiatrist's Couch - Revised Version

Hi Doc. Nice to meet you. I'm Lobo Weir. Thank you for squeezing me in so late. I would have preferred an earlier appointment but no matter. We've probably got enough time to complete the session before I have to leave. Let's hope so, eh?

I don't have much luck with psychiatrists. They seem to die on me! But don't let that unsettle you. Just a coincidence. Your line of work means that you're probably in contact with quite a few psychos. Sorry. That's not very politically correct. I've got the manners of a dog! I apologise for my roughness. I'm trying but sometimes, I think that it's just my nature to be a bit, well, less aware than your average human.

Not that I'm a psycho! No, not me. I'm just a regular guy. With irregularities. I would classify myself as many things but not a monster. I mean, I eat meat but there's nothing weird about that, is there? There are lots of things on this planet that eat meat and are a bit different. Even plants, would you believe? Like that Venus Fly Trap. So, I don't think I'm that unusual. And the Japanese like meat raw, or fish at least. And the French have Steak Tartare which may as well be advertised as "straight off the cow".

Can I ask something before we go any further? What are your reaction times like? Your reflexes? Are you able to move quickly if you need to? You look a little heavy - do you work out at all? Do you run?

Let me just put my bag down. There. Right. Let me tell you why I'm here.

Well, I'm having difficulty feeling safe at the moment in this world we live in. I bet you've heard this before. I mean, I know that the world is a mixed-up place but none of it is inherently bad, is it? I mean I'm not inherently bad. I have moments but that's all they are: moments. Everyone has bad moments, don't they? I mean, mine are actually fairly regular but I'm in control the rest of the time, pretty much.

It's just that sometimes there's times where I don't feel safe out on the streets and I fear for my life. Take tonight, for instance. Beautiful moon rising. My favourite time of the month. Nice light night, yes? The streets should be a place where I can roam freely without fear of encounter or confrontation? I should be able to saunter at twilight, take a midnight stroll, a walk in the woods without any trepidation at all on a moonlit night. But no. That's when I'm at my most fearful. It's taken all of my courage to come here tonight. I'm not sure how I'm going to find my way home.

I'm scared. Very scared. I just want to be myself, Doc, that's all. I don't think that's too much to ask.

Doc, this may seem an unusual request but could you help me with my muzzle? It's in the bag. And close the blinds? If you don't mind? I wear the muzzle when I'm feeling my most, shall we say, anxious. I find it helps to keep my emotions under control. And if you could do it quickly. Like now, I'd appreciate it.

I can't help you with the straps. Long fingernails. Claw-like even. You need to hurry, Doc. Treat it like it's a matter of life and death. Because I think you'll find, it is fast becoming that.

Hurry, Doc! You MUST hurry! Now's not a time for fumbling. Yes, it's an unusual request but you need to go with it. Trust me. Please.

AND CLOSE THE BLINDS! CLOSE THEM NOW!

TOO LONG, DOC! YOU'VE TAKEN TOO LONG, DOC!

RUN!