A Second Daily Horrorscope
More Astrological Atrocities
Introduction
I know this has been done a million times, even on Vocal, but someone suggested I turn this into a series. The original one follows this installment.
Music is "Signs" by Beyoncé
âAriesâ
Aries is considered the first sign of the zodiac.
Today's Horrorscope: You won't get that date that you have been setting up for weeks, because the person you were hoping to date thinks that you are far too sheepish.
âTaurusâ
Today's Horrorscope: There will be someone waiting to take you to task down a dark alley because they have a major beef with you
âGeminiâ
Today's Horrorscope: Did you really think suggesting Kate and DupliKate for your friend's new twin daughters would go down well? You will be banned from the christening.
âCancerâ
Today's Horrorscope: So you called out your date for being crabby. They won't be there for the meal you booked tonight, you will be eating alone for sure.
âLeoâ
Today's Horrorscope: You never take care or listen to anyone or take advice, even when you visit Longleat. Your epitaph will read "Eaten By Lions"
âVirgoâ
Today's Horrorscope: Calling Richard Branson out for the carpetbagger that he is means that you will be fired from your job at Virgin today.
âLibraâ
Today's Horrorscope: The fact that you are unable to balance the books at the company you work for because of the amount you have been "borrowing" from petty cash means that the fraud squad will be picking you up today.
âScorpioâ
Today's Horrorscope: Playing "Wind Of Change" by The Scorpions full blast all night long has not enamored you to the people in your apartment block. They have complained to your landlord and you will be evicted tomorrow morning.
âSagittariusâ
Today's Horrorscope: You should have followed the arrows on the temporary roadsign, instead you went the wrong way down a one-way street. The fact you were only going one way is not a valid argument. You will be receiving a fine in the post.
âCapricornâ
Today's Horrorscope: Acting the Goat out on the town last night meant the police decided you were drunk and disorderly and you will be up before the beak tomorrow.
âAquariusâ
Today's Horrorscope: Don't It wasn't a good idea to relieve yourself in the swimming pool because you couldn't be bothered to get out. You were caught on the CCTV, the water turning green close to your nether regions, and the hotel owners are going to remove you immediately
âPiscesâ
Today's Horrorscope: Taking Rick Stein hostage to steal his fish recipes was not a good idea. The police are coming for you now and you will be spending a long time as the guest of His Majesty. Fish will not be on the menu.
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Comments (3)
The signs are not good for anyone, lol.
Lol, the police are coming for me because I took Rick Stein hostage. But what they don't know is that that's a false trail. A decoy. A trap. They would never guess where I really am!
Well, I'm fired, lol