A letter

2 days to prom…

Dear Ines,

You know very well that I am not fond of this silly idea, writing a letter to your future self. I was made to believe that talking to oneself is an idea that earns one the term ‘crazy’, much less paper and ink being wasted on a letter. Why, then, you may ask, am I on my bed in a sobbing wreck wasting the very ink and paper in scribbling these words. Well, one of the many reasons is heart break… as stupid as it may sound.

It’s not just a rough breakup that contributed to my current mood – it’s the fact that I have finally realized that I’ve never really felt loved by anyone. As you already know, mum and dad are always travelling and as a result, I’m always alone. There were always nannies but the absence of my parents left a hole in my heart that no amount of nannies could fill. Did they fill guilty? I guess so, that could be the reason why they showered me with everything I wanted than what I needed. Mangoes from Nigeria, summer dresses from Italy and maple syrup from Thailand. These were all just a call away, but I wanted something more, something that for others who didn’t live in a huge, empty mansion was just a door away.

I never got it; instead, the hole in my heart grew wider, making me so insecure that I was mocked for being quiet and timid. Tears filled my soft, feathered pillow every night; not that the nannies cared; they were just being paid to cook and clean, and definitely not to waste any effort in taking actual care of me. I began to feel desperate for the love and attention that I never got, I resorted to demanding it. YouTube and TikTok gave me the wrong idea – that I needed popularity, that’s what I was missing and becoming prom queen would make that popularity last for years. Needless to say, becoming prom queen was my biggest priority.

High school finally arrived and that’s when I set my master popularity plan in motion. I already was, by social media standards, cute. With my natural blonde hair that required just a bit more dying, my already perfect blue eyes and soft, clear skin. All that was left to do was caked on high quality, makeup products on my face, wear expensive and less covered clothes and most importantly, I developed the tyrannical attitude of a boss. I began to date all the guys that willing came to me even for a single date but every single time, they were cheaters or two timers. As much as it hurt every time, I kept doing it just to be known as that girl - it made me popular. Until I met Jason – hot, smart, kind, romantic, everything I needed to escape my sinking relationships. And unlike any other guy I met, he never cheated on me and made me feel something different, something I had truly never felt before - I felt loved. He truly did care about me, and I ended up pouring my whole heart to him and e completely understood and always tried o be there for me whenever I was lonely.

Now in my final year of high school, prom queen never felt so close and my perfect date Jason is definitely going to be my King. We would be the perfect couple, right? Wrong! My life is just a nightmare. I caught Jason in our usual spot, sharing passionate kiss with Jill. A subtly annoying nerd whom I can recall bullying a couple of times in the past. The worst part of it all was that I was so desperate that I agreed to let this only one slide only for him to say that he can’t. He says that he’s been in love with her for so long and concealed his burning feelings to keep me from feeling hurt but now that I know that he can’t do ‘us’ anymore. *Sobs*. So, at the moment I gained popularity for breaking my ex’s nose and of course losing him to a nerd. That kind of popularity does not last very long. To add t all these, people say I as too harsh for breaking Jason’s nose and as a result, I’m losing a lot of votes for the Queen.

On that night, I might be forced to dance in the one who shattered my healing heart or watch him cuddle endlessly with his new found love. All I know for sure is that I will rock prom with my red sleeveless, backless dress that possess a slit that goes up to my upper thigh. I know that it’s kind of early but here’s a New Year resolution. ‘LOVE YOURSELF’. Please don’t place your priceless worth in the hands of those who have the tendency to break it. Why can’t I begin that rule now? Well this year is already ruined by Jason and tears. Also, please listen to your therapist because she actually cares enough to tell you to express yourself through this silly letter. By the time you read this, do yourself a favor and buy a couple cheeseburgers and fries as a toast to starting afresh.