A brief moment into Happy.

Time has passed on by, but not for me. It seems like just yesterday that we were happy together---the writer pens in his journal.

Two silhouettes locked in the gravity of memory, standing worlds apart.

As an unreliable or reliable narrator (you decide)...It appears that Roghan and his subject saw their stories in completely different perspectives.

Roghan

The old story of "when our eyes first met, we knew that we were meant to be together". It played in both of our heads for a while. So why can't I remember your name now, as I hold the pen poised between my fingers. I see your face clear as day, yet your name eludes me. So very strange.

I remember you didn't much like your given name, maybe it's for the best that I have forgotten it. I shall rename you Natalie, you said you always liked that name.

Jumping from the chair, angry at himself for harbouring feelings that should have been long put to rest...Roghan furrowed his brows in the depth of pain and frustration, crumpling the paper in his large hands. Why can't he get the words right!

He recalls how wonderful it had felt when they had been together four years ago.

"Good God"! He bellowed aloud. "Has it already been four years". How time has flown, he mused.

The significant other had moved on without him. He got visitation with the kids. He had lost himself in work, refused offers of relationships and had lived a solitary life consumed with a long forgotten brief romance. Well, he still remembered, Nat is the one who had forgotten.

Natalie

Forbidden love, she had called it, as they tried to stay apart, avoiding each other. They expended every effort, but it seemed some invisible force kept pulling them together, like poles attracting where unlike poles should have repelled.

Natalie was single, had been for a long time, with no intentions of involvement with anyone. Roghan was still married, his home life in shambles. His partner wanted out, but the two children and the security kept him hanging on. This was such a deal breaker, but the heart is a silly mistress, harnessing emotions and lassoing it where it should not be.

Office romance is forbidden fruit as everyone knows, it was treading in dangerous waters. But who ever listens to reason where the heart is concerned.

They would meet and talk, he mainly complained about his shitty home life and thinking that his partner was involved with someone. Hypocrite, she would think. Aren't you doing the same thing?

They had begun a torrid, heated and vibrant relationship at this point. Unable to stay away from each other, the rooms of the office building were their secret coves, Natalie loved deep and selfless...

But Roghan, though his heart was with her, his mind always drifted to his messy life. Natalie was unsure if he still loved his once significant other, or was it just the thought of her finding her independence and needed to start anew that tugged at the root of his manhood. How dare her to be the first to arrive at goodbye. Did he use his offspring as an excuse to remain where he was not wanted, or did he really care for them too much to leave.

Every indication was to the latter, he truly loved the young ones.

.......

Life is such a strange bedfellow...Nat had stayed away from relationships for years, finding her own company quite freeing and uncomplicated. Then one completely out of the blue, aha moment, she looked up, only to find solace staring at her...far away in the countryside where she least expected it. Yet, that wicked life...it handed her peace of mind with one hand and kept the other arm extended far away, where the two should not embrace and become as one.

Natalie began to realize that she was beating a dead horse, he was not going to leave until his other kicked him out completely.

"You were never really here, Roghan. Not for me...not really". She realized sadly. Never there when her car broke down and she called him. He gave her advice over the phone, never going to her aid physically, still hanging on to a relationship which he did not wish to rock the boat...in case she took him back.

He would stop by Nat's apartment only for brief moments, but would not stay. Although in all fairness, their stupid boss had moved in next door and further complicated the entire matter. No one wanted their nosy superior knowing every time time that they....you know...that is just gross and so wrong.

The lady was a blabber-mouth and that would have been rather a very embarrassing situation to add to the already boiling pot.

She had to leave.

When an opportunity presented itself for Natalie to move overseas, she jumped at it. Grief tugged at her heart...how can something that lasted a brief two months make such a huge impact upon her emotions.

Roghan waited until the last moment, the night before her trip to call and say how he felt, wanted to meet far from the prying eyes of the next door neighbor. Natalie declined the offer.

You were never really here for me, Roghan, nor will you be for anyone for a very long time to come. She did not shed a tear, but slept long, deep and fitfully, awakening rested and with a resolve to put it all behind her.

He never offered to take her to the airport and she never asked. He was present when she dropped off the car to her friend who did offer to drive her to get her flight.

She hugged him goodbye anyway.

Roghan.

My dear Natalie...I do not believe that the full impact of the situation actually hit me until I saw you with those suitcases, getting into the car with Germaine. That you were actually going to leave me had not registered before, not really.

Our relationship never really ended. You remain a ghost, a memory of a great and aching loss, leaving me with pained imaginings of something which I can not now name. It eats at my very soul.

If only...if only I had not been so absent within our presence together.

Idiot.

I did call a few times, but you knew that I was still lost somewhere in between here and there.

Maybe someday, Rogan. When you find yourself within your "I am now really here".

We may speak again.

You still flash across my mind in a wistful, whimsical kind of way. Sometimes I even wonder if I should call. Once I did call, but you never answered. I messengered...you answered, so I know you are ok.

Goodbye.

For now, I am here for me...far away from your absent presence.

I wish you all the best.