5 Lies I Told Myself to Stay in a Toxic Relationship (And How I Finally Broke Free)

I used to think love was supposed to hurt a little. That it meant fighting for someone even when they showed you their worst sides. I called it loyalty, patience, commitment. But looking back now, it was just fear dressed up as devotion.

Here are the 5 lies I told myself to justify staying in a toxic relationship – and how admitting the truth set me free. Maybe these are keeping you stuck too.

1. “They’ll Change If I Just Love Them Enough.”

I believed my love had magical healing powers. Every time he lashed out, I thought, “If I just stay calm, if I just love him harder, he’ll realise I’m worth treating better.”

But no matter how many dinners I cooked, how many surprises I planned, or how many tears I wiped alone in the bathroom, nothing changed. Because love doesn’t heal someone who doesn’t want to heal themselves.

I learned that loving someone doesn’t mean fixing them. It just means loving them – and it’s their choice what they do with that love.

2. “It’s My Fault Too.”

He would yell and break things, and I’d think, “Well, I shouldn’t have pushed him. I shouldn’t have asked that question. I shouldn’t have reacted.”

He never apologised unless I apologised first. Eventually, I started saying sorry just to end the fight, even when I didn’t understand what I was sorry for.

But here’s what I learned: There’s a difference between accountability and blame. Being imperfect didn’t mean I deserved cruelty. A healthy partner takes responsibility too. They don’t weaponise your flaws to justify their own harm.

3. “No One Else Would Love Me Like This.”

He used to tell me, “No one else will ever love you like I do.” He said it during good moments and during fights. I took it as a sign of how deep his love ran, how irreplaceable we were to each other.

Now, I realise what he meant was: “No one else will put up with what I do to you.” And he was right. Because love isn’t supposed to feel like being stuck. Real love makes you feel free, not trapped.

4. “All Couples Fight – This Is Normal.”

I told myself that yelling, slammed doors, days of silent treatment were normal. I saw relationships in movies where chaos was romanticised. I thought fighting meant passion.

But when I told a friend about one of our fights, she went silent. “That’s not normal,” she finally said. It shook me. Because I had normalised behaviour that was slowly breaking me down.

Healthy couples fight, yes – but they fight with respect. They communicate. They don’t fight to destroy, belittle, or punish each other.

5. “Leaving Will Destroy Them.”

He would cry and beg me not to leave. He said he’d change. He threatened to hurt himself if I ever left. I thought I was his lifeline, and walking away would make me a cruel person.

But here’s the truth: It wasn’t my responsibility to keep him alive or make him happy. I was drowning trying to keep him afloat. Staying out of fear isn’t love. It’s imprisonment.

When I finally left, he didn’t collapse. He moved on to someone else quickly. That shattered the last illusion I had.

The Day I Finally Left

It wasn’t dramatic. No screaming match or thrown bags. I woke up one morning and felt nothing. Not anger, not sadness, just… nothing. The lies had run out. I realised I couldn’t spend one more day pretending this was love.

I packed my things while he was at work. Left the key on the kitchen counter. Blocked his number. Cried in my car until my body hurt. But for the first time in years, my tears were cleansing, not suffocating.

What I Wish I Knew Then

Love shouldn’t hurt more than it heals.

Someone who loves you won’t make you feel worthless.

Leaving isn’t giving up – it’s choosing yourself.

If This Resonates With You

If you see yourself in these lies, know that you’re not alone. Know that love shouldn’t feel like survival. And know that freedom is always worth the fear it takes to claim it.

If my story helped you today, a tip would mean the world to me. Thank you for reading and for valuing honest truths about love and healing.