The art of eating a Cheese String.

Prepare your torches , prepare your pitch forks because I have a controversial statement that society needs to hear.

I bite my cheese strings.....

I know, I know; writing this I can already imagine the sheer disgust of some people’s faces not being able to fathom why I would commit such a crime. For generations we have been taught that the consumption of this slither of processed dreaminess should only be gobbled up if each peice has been peeled individually.

Unpopular opinion, but I don’t get it.

I’ve been at the scene of the crime where I’ve experienced the shunning from society, moreover my friends. Kicked to the curb I was, not even given a second glance; it infuriated them, how I was just biting into my cheese , I swear a single tear pricked one of their eyes. There reaction was like I vowed to quite social media....

(I could never!)

But the sheer distress and and anger they were displaying made it extremely clear.

They were hurt.

They were, dare I say , fascinated by my recklessness how I’ve gone against the etiquette of eating a cheese string exposing no fear of the consequences that could be unleashed at me.

Who even invented this as a rule? Heck I was just enjoying my cheese string.

I never internationally wanted to cause a riot but they went in. I mean, they went in! Like shoppers trying to get the last pack of toilet paper from target. I couldn’t escape the abuse being hurled at me left right and center yet their arguments were as weak as the cheese. To be honest they were more or less just insults.

Let me explain myself before you ask for an application to join my friends in publicly shaming me.

So hear my out....

Why would you purposely want to take more time in preparing your snack and practically tease yourself until you at the point of starvation, to then ruin all you hard work by inhaling it not even appreciating its refined rubbery texture . More over why would you want to consume something that has been so manhandled your younger brother wouldn’t even touch it; he’s worse then the labradoodle and they eat anything so you know his expectations are far from her royal highnesses.

But the worst part of this action....

The smell! Now I’m not saying I purposely expose my fingers to my noes and constantly smell them however you will momentarily want to scratch it, poke it or do whatever you do in your free time; yet once you finished your stick of cheese and used your sweaty fingers to peel it I advised you sit down.

Nothing is more nauseating when that smell of curdled milk on a hot summers day hits you. Nothing! Not even the changing rooms of gym class could be considered on the same level in the hierarchy of violations towards the human nose. Why would you place yourself in that situation, to have your fingers smell like cheese?

Though it will only be you who could smell it’s the sheer anxiety of the situation that just tips me off the edge!What happens if anyone else could smell it and they are just being polite? What happens if they shake my hand and then they smell like cheese? I would be the real life ‘cheese touch’. What happens if the smell doesn’t go away!?

I can’t put myself in this position, food is meant be for pleasure a way to relax not to increase stress levels and adding more toxic smells onto my body, especially a cheesy one!

Ok the one good side to peeling a cheese string is the satisfaction......

Oh please two wrongs don’t make a right, peeling the top of a yogurt and being left with the thin layer on the top is satisfying; extremely underrated I say, not peeling cheese.

Some may argue that you get more, but we all know that’s just psychological. Everyone gets the same amount your just delaying the process hence making it less enjoyable for yourself as you just grow impatient; and hungry.

Biting is the better way, its the way forward. It’s more enjoyable, more fulfilling and extremely efficient. You avoid the repugnant smell and there’s no time wasted.

It’s that simple this isn’t whitch craft!

Why are we still living in ancient times where we stick to traditional eating habits, we need to breach our classically conditions behaviour and retaliate against the societal norm! we are evolving shouldn’t our eating habits do the same.

Let’s embrace the biters don’t drown them with your judgement. Embrace them as much as you embrace the delicious snack. So I hope you can place your pitch forks and torches down and embrace my unpopular opinion.

I bite my cheese strings, deal with it.