Perfect Pot Roast

Everyone says they love pot roast, but most people don’t now how to make a good one. I’m here to help with that. This isn’t technically a recipe, so I’m not giving you a list of ingredients or utensils. If you don’t have a fire pit, you’ll need to visit someone who does to make a proper pot roast.

First, you have to get a bone-in chuck roast–a boneless roast just doesn’t have the same flavor. If you can get your hands on a prime cut, you absolutely should, but odds are, choice is the best readily available without absurdly overspending. Rinse it good and pat it dry before you begin inserting cloves of garlic into the meat. I recommend using a fileting knife–thin blade. I also recommend four or five cloves of garlic for an average-sized roast, 3 or 4 pounds, but I may go with a lucky seven myself. Next you want to salt and pepper it, getting a good coating of each on all surfaces. Cover it and leave it on the counter to come to room temperature.

Now it’s time to build your fire. That’s right, your fire: that’s the real secret to the best pot roast–sear it over a wood-burning fire, preferably hickory, but oak will do in a pinch. Searing a roast in a pan on a stove will never give it the flavor it deserves. Build yourself a good fire: coax it into life, drink a beer, push and prod the logs. Hell, throw a few more on. You want good coals, so you should let your fire burn for a while, until you can smash those logs into coals and embers, until your fire pit looks like it’s full of glowing orange Legos, then you can put the grill over the fire. Give it a good ten or fifteen minutes to conduct the heat from the fire. Sear every side of that chuck roast on your fire.

After you’ve firebranded the roast, it’s time to bring it inside and let the alchemy begin. Most people completely ruin a pot roast by doing one of two things: braising it in water or putting the vegetables in at the beginning. These are both antithetical to a good pot roast and should be avoided. The liquid should be beef broth or a can of onion soup (Progresso,not Cambell’s– unless you want it waaaay too salty) plus a can of cream of or golden mushroom soup (Campbell’s is fine for this one). Once you put your roast in your instapot or crock pot with the liquid, you take a Vidalia onion (a yellow onion will do if no Vidalias are available, but absolutely no red onions involved in my pot roast) and cut it in half. Place the two halves on top of the roast, cut side down, and let your roast simmer on low.

In about four hours, start peeling and cutting carrots. No, baby carrots will not do. They’re an abomination with no flavor. Only use real carrots that require peeling. Cut them roughly a half inch to an inch thick. Do not put the carrots in before the meat has cooked for at least four hours–you want the vegetables to taste like the delicious meat, not the other way around.

Pour yourself a bourbon and get the potatoes out. Yukon gold, duh. Cut your potatoes and add them to your simmering pot roast. If you want other vegetables (maybe green beans), add them after the potatoes. Nothing frozen should be involved in any way, shape, or form, and the soups/broth are the only canned items allowed. Drink your bourbon. Go back outside and build the fire back up. When your vegetables are tender, the roast is ready to eat. Be prepared for the best gravy you’ve ever tasted.