Baking My Way To A Happy Life

Jack of all trades, master of none. That’s how I started my life. I bounced from hobby to hobby, sport to sport, but nothing ever stuck. That is until the day I threw my leg over a thousand-pound animal for the first time. From the moment my butt hit the saddle, horseback riding was my passion. I took lessons, I leased horses, I owned an off the track thoroughbred. I even went to college for equestrian studies. I found my passion at nine years old and I knew what I was going to do for the rest of my life. I’m now 38 and haven’t been on a horse in more than 2 years. That’s the danger of turning a hobby you love into a career, I guess, you run the risk of burning out. I will probably get back on a horse someday but for now my peace lies elsewhere.

I fell in love with baking sometime around middle school. I distinctly remember making some very interesting muffins when I confused baking powder and baking soda at around 10 years old. The culinary disaster didn’t deter me, however, and despite not having anyone in my house with a love for baking I taught myself to bake. As an adult, I make cakes for my friends’ birthdays and fancy desserts for family gatherings. I’m even known for my Irish Car Bomb cupcakes every St. Patrick’s Day, but my real love lies with my cookies. I’ve always made excellent chocolate chip cookies but everything changed one day when I was asked to create a cookie I didn’t get to taste or even see. While hanging out at a friend’s house her husband excitedly started talking about these amazing cookies they had found. They had chocolate baked inside and then were cut in half and dipped into more chocolate. He went to the cabinet to show them to me but they weren’t there. My friend admitted to eating the last one and then this super fit, health nut, firefighter looked expectantly at me, the amateur baker, and asked if I could recreate these cookies.

My next adventure in the kitchen was a strange one. I had only ever followed recipes before, I had never invented a cookie. I started with a chocolate bar and my go to chocolate chip cookie recipe and I got to work. My first cookies were giant! I could only fit 3 on a baking sheet and I cut them into four pieces instead of just in half. They weren’t pretty but I dipped them in chocolate anyway and brought my strange offering to my friends. Perfect! That was what I was told on my first attempt. Of course, they didn’t look the same but they tasted just right. I had done it. Believe me when I say I was both shocked and flattered. That fateful day was more than ten years ago. I have spent that time tweaking my process and experimenting with different chocolates. I’ve had massive disasters and melt downs while trying to make them perfect. I’ve thrown away trays full of cookies that were over cooked or under cooked or that stuck or fell apart. I’ve had my melted chocolate seize up on me time and again as I learned how to work with it. You may be wondering why. Why did I go through all of that for something that I wasn’t even getting paid for? Why would I sacrifice the peace I feel when I bake successfully for a cookie someone else asked for? Because it was worth it. I present those cookies as the main event on cookie trays, I make every Christmas and they are a total show stopper. Everyone asks, “Who made the cookies?” when I bring them to a party. They rave about how good the chocolate dipped ones are and none of them ever make it to the next day. I once had a woman tell me, “This cookie is a poem.”

Inevitably I will be told I should do this for a living. Someone will ask why I don’t sell my cookies, why I only bake them at Christmas time, why I don’t already own my own bakery. It’s very sweet and I always appreciate the compliment but my response is always the same. I love baking, it is my hobby and my peace and the best way for me to keep it my peace is to keep it as a hobby. When I get tired or frustrated while baking, I can stop. I can clean up the kitchen and call it a day. I can make tons of cookies in December and then switch to something else once the holiday season is over. If I make a mistake no one suffers but me. There is no pressure, no expectation, I do this because I love it and I want to keep loving it. I already turned one passion into a career, I want to keep baking as something fun.

I still have that kid’s cookbook with that infamous muffin recipe in it as well as about a dozen more books on cookies, cupcakes, and one on all things chocolate. I’m not perfect and not every experience in the kitchen is a good one. I have burned things beyond being edible and I have cried on the kitchen floor, covered in flour and surrounded by the mess. Despite the bad days I still feel safe in the kitchen. Cooking is subjective, it’s at the chief’s discretion how much seasoning to add or whether they want certain things cooked longer. Baking isn’t like that. Baking is chemistry. If you add the right amount of ingredients in the right order under the right conditions you will get the exact same result every time. Yes, you can make adjustments to any recipe but certain ingredients, like baking soda and powder, can’t be changed.

The certainty that comes with following a recipe and having it work every time isn’t something found in most parts of life. When everything is falling apart and I don’t know what tomorrow will bring I know I can count on my chocolate chip cookies tasting fantastic. I know my cupcakes will be light and fluffy and my chocolate cream pie will change from a liquid to a solid in the fridge overnight. I know I can shake off a bad day and avoid throwing away food simply by making my chocolate chip banana bread. When my house smells like sugar and chocolate it smells like home. I’m still learning, still growing as a baker. My one attempt at pastry, while delicious, did not turn out at all like I had planned and I haven’t gotten up the courage to even try bread yet, but I will. I will continue to impress with my old standbys and experiment with things I’ve never done before and I will do it all because I love it.