Words I Never Said

Daisy's Diary: Entry One

So today, for Christmas, my parents decided to get me a diary. Real girly-like - pink, fuzzy, a lock and key. They think I need to find a better way to "express my feelings". Those motherfuckers mfs really put it in the Christmas card. No "Merry Christmas and thank you for doing your chores all year and getting home by curfew all year and having an amazing first semester at the university we never let you forget we are paying for". So with a smile and the fakest "aww thanks" I could muster up, I thought there was no better way to kick off my newfound expression than to dedicate this first entry to you guys.

So Dear Parents:

I wish you would stop trying to put labels on me. Like dad, I’m only an “adult” when its convenient for you. You know what, I’ve never used that word to describe myself. EVER. I’m only 19 and I take pride and joy in not having any kids or responsibilities that tie me down. So you’re damn right I’m not an adult. I’m still very much ‘just a kid’. I spend money on material things, food, things I’ll only use once and then forget about. I eat junk and fast food. I eat sugary cereal and watch cartoons on Saturday mornings and some nights when I can't sleep. What you forget, MOM, is that I had to be an “adult” very early in life because of the man (or lack thereof) you chose to have kids with. So, every mistake, every opportunity, every experience I missed out on, I’m reliving! I’ve seen SO MANY miserable “adults” in these 19 years and I’ve always promised myself I wouldn’t be one of them. So, sue me if I want to choose a career that I could never get bored with, something that is as versatile as me. ART. Believe it or not I learned plenty from you and dad’s mistakes, stories, and lifetimes and I guess you both did your job because I’m stronger and wiser than the both of you were at 19.

Oop. I think this diary is working.

I don’t know everything, but I do know everything about ME. “Don’t grow up too fast” extends past people over age 7. So yeah, fuck society and it’s views of what an “adult” should be. Name me one “adult” you know that has followed their step-by-step blueprint and is completely happy with their life. I LOVE seeing old ladies with their hair dyed crazy colors, piercings, etc. To me, they are the epitome of life, and what the enjoyment of life should look like.. Maybe you should do sum “childish” shit. I’m sure there’s some opportunities you missed out on as a kid. You’re only as old as you feel you are. I’m not an adult and I won’t be until I’m good and ready. As you both love to say, "being an adult is a choice." I never thought I’d have to defend myself against you, as well as everyone else in the world, but because I love u here it goes:

I smoke weed, I drink, I go out, I watch hella movies, I have sex, I love being out late, I’m in love with warm weather, and I try to enjoy life the best way I know how. Of course, this is all taboo and immature to you, but lemme explain… I smoke weed because its fun, it takes away my stress, and SOMETIMES I just want to be somewhere else. It’s extremely difficult to get through life as a HUMAN let alone being Daisy, sometimes I need to laugh. It doesn’t make me a pothead. Maybe it does, but maybe if you tried it, you'd understand. I drink, very rarely, but when I do it’s just for the fun of it. And when I drink, I drink til I feel it. It doesn’t make me an alcoholic. It makes me what doctors call a "social drinker". I watch movies because I seem to have a higher tolerance for scripted drama than the both of your drama and.. well fuck it I LOVE MOVIES! SHIT! It doesn’t make me anti-social. I have sex because I love the feeling, it’s a lot more fun then I ever could’ve fathomed. And because I'm responsible, (thanks for the condom talk since I had a crush in 6th grade) it doesn’t make me a whore or an addict. I love being out late, because occasionally I like seeing actual stars, I like the way the wind blows at night, and I love late night energy. I’m in love with warm weather because it’s inspiring. Everything is always good with me when it’s warm. I feel grateful, hugged by God, and blessed when it’s warm.

See? I’m not a bad kid - I’m not a lost teenager on a downward spiral. I’m not incredibly difficult to understand. I feel like you just threw your hands up and stopped trying to understand the first time I showed you I had a mind of my own. I try to take life in stride because secretly, I’m terrified of regret, terrified of dying, and terrified of old age. Everything doesn’t always go according to my plans, but I've come to the point where I do believe everything happens as it should.

So Let Go & Live Young - Your Daughter... Daisy Lane.